Can't Get Out

Chapter 45

Ash POV

"Ash, I know na nasasaktan ka na please h'wag mo naman dibdibin"sabi ni Ate Tracy I just smile

"Ate I'm fine, and I understand him----"

"Don't say that you understand him but the truth is your fucking hurt now! Ash! isipin mo yung bata sa sinapupunan mo! Ilang beses ka ba pagsasabihan na bawal kang ma stress! Ganyan na ba ka tigas ulo mo? Hindi mo nalang sarili kailangan mong isipin! magkakaanak ka, gusto bang may mangyari sa kanila?"

"Ate I understand him, please..."pakiusap ko at pumikit nalang

"I don't know anymore Lallaina, ito lang tatandaan mo, sa susunod na maoospital ka pa dahil diyan sa lalaking yan! asahan mong ilalayo kita"sabi ni Ate Tracy at umakyat na sa kwarto niya, napabuntong hininga nalang ako. dito muna kasi ako kina Mama, iniiwasan ko muna si Tan. Oo I will admit it that I am tired of understanding him.

Konti nalang bibigay na ako, I'm tired of waiting him giving me attention, I tried to be strong but I always fail, I tried not to hurt but I fail, I tried to understand him everyday, I want to give up now. I want to leave him but I don't want my baby grow up without their dad.

Yes, I am his fiance but I feel like I am not, I'm tired of his promises, pagod na akong hintayin siya gabi gabi, pagod na akong umasang magsasama ulit kami sa pagkain. Everytime he is on his leave wala pa din siyang oras para sa akin, he spent his time with his childhood but how about me? hanggang kailan to?

"Baby, why are you crying?"napalingon naman ako si Mama, kaagad naman siyang lumapit sa akin at yumakap

"Why are you crying princess?"tanong ni Mama at hinalikan ulo ko

"Mama I'm tired..."sabi ko habang umiiyak

"Shh.... tahan na anak..."pagpapatahan ni Mama

"I'm trying my best to be strong but I'm tired mama"sabi ko

"Princess I know you're strong, yes you're so strong girl mama knows that, pero di naman porket malakas ka di ka na pwede magpahinga, kung gusto mo maging weak muna then show it to Mama, I won't judge you..."sabi ni Mama tumango naman ako

"Baby always remember this, strong doesn't mean you never cry, you keep everything to yourself and pretend to be okay, you can break, you can let someone know and you can mess up all the matters is that no matter, what life throws at you you get back up and keep fighting that's what being strong is. So being weak doesn't mean that you are not strong, you just take a rest and then if you are okay again you stand up and continue fighting"

"Thank you for everything Mama"sabi ko at humalik sa pisngi niya at yumakap tsaka pinunasan ko na luha ko

"Anything for you princess"sabi niya at hinalikan ako sa nuo

"Stop crying now, it's not good for your baby..."

"Mama will make your favorite? How about that?"sabi ni Mama, ngumiti naman ako at ngumiti

"Yes please Mama..."sabi ko, ngumiti naman siya at tsaka tumayo na

"I'll just change my clothes, then I will cook your favorite"sabi niya, tumango naman ako habang nakangiti

"Come with me, sa kwarto ka muna ni Ate Tracy mo para makapagpahinga ka"sabi ni Mama umiwas naman kaagad ako ng tingin at nanuod ng Movie. Ramdam ko namang umupo si Mama sa couch ulit

"Baby, magkagalit ba kayo nina Ate mo? Tell me?"sabi ni Mamabumuntong hininga naman ako

"Yes Ma, she got mad at me...."sabi ko, narinig ko naman na bumuntong hininga si mama

"I will talk to Ate, you know me Baby whether you like it or not mag-uusap kayo ayaw ko na mag-aaway kayo o magtampuhan okay?"sabi ni Mama tumango naman ako, ngumiti naman sita tsaka tumayo na at umalis

I miss him so much, ni wala na siya text o tawag sa akin kung di pa ako tumawag di pa kami mag-uusa, I want to hug him I want kiss him I him in my side but how? kung wala na siyang oras sa akin...

-----

I decide na umuwi na sa bahay, and I am expecting na makikita ko siya but I failed walang Tan sa bahay, laging katulong nalang nakakasama ko dito.

And then I saw him with his childhood again, damn him! damn his childhood! I gave up now, di ko na kaya...

Ate Tracy is right, I'm going with her now pagod na ako sa kakaintindi kay Tan, I'm tired if waiting him, waiting for nothing....

"Manang---"

"Baby what are you doing?"tanong niya but I didn't answer him at nagpatulog na sa pag aayos ko ng gamit

"Baby, bakit ka nag-iimpake?"tanong niya at umupo sa kama

"Baby, talk to me may problema ba tayo?"

"Manang... pakidala na po ito sa baba"sabi ko at binigay kay manang yung bag, tumango naman siya but kinuha ni Tan yung bag kay manang at pinalabas muna si manang

"Ashley what the hell is your problem?! kung may problema ka pag-usapan natin! di yung ganito!"sabi niya so I slap him at sinalubong yung mga titig niya, kung galit siya pwes mas sobra yung nararamdaman ko

"What's my problem? Why don't you ask yourself?! Why don't you ask yourself Tan?! You want to know what is it? Then go! Ask yourself!"galit na sabi ko

"Fuck! Answer me! How can I know that?!"sabi niya

"I'm tired now Tan, I don't know anymore"sabi ko habang umiyak

"Tell me baby? nagkulang ba ako? tell me baby please h'wag ganito"sabi niya, umiling naman ako

"Tama na Tan... Tama na..."

"I'm tired of everything, I'm tired of waiting you every night, I'm tired of understanding you, I'm tired of you... tired of you giving me attention, tire of waiting you every night lagi mong sinasabing Baby let's dinner, baby lets like this, baby let's like that but nothing happen I'm waiting you every night for hour but what? in the end ako lagi ako naghihintay sa wala, and when you take a leave promising again that you will spend your time with me but what? Everytime na kasama kita laging sumisingit yung childhoon mo"sabi ko punong puno na ako, di ko na kaya ang sakit sakit na, sobra!

"Baby I thought you understand everything?! Akala ko okay lang? pero ano to sinusumbatan mo ako?!"

"Yes! sinabi kung yeah it's fine, it's okay but fuck you! ang manhid mo Tan! Ganyan ka na ba kabulag sa childhood mo?! Damn you! ang manhid mo! Tama na Tan! Pagod na ako sayo! pagod na akong intindihin ka, sinagad mo ako Tan! Oo nga sinabi kung It's fine I understand kasi sabi mo it's just your childhood, but Tan! She's flirting you! yes She is! h'wag mo sabihing childhood mo lang siya kasi di ako maloloko niyan! I give everything just to understand you but I'm tired, I am just a humam. I get tired of caring being ignoring...."

"Lallaina?! Lallaina?!"napalingon naman ako, si Ate Tracy

"Tan!"and his childhood...

"Baby---"

"Tama na Tan, pagod na ako..."sabi ko habang umiiyak

"Tantan what's happening?"it's Marga kaagad naman siyang nilapitan

"Baby please..."

"For the last question Tan, Choose..... Me or her..."sabi ko, lumapit naman si Ate Tracy sa akin

"Baby, please don't do this..."sabi niya, ngumiti naman ako ng mapait

"Alam ko na ganito magiging sagot mo..."sabi ko Ate Tracy get my bag and hold my hand

"Let's go now Baby..."sabi ni Ate Tracy

"I still love you Tan, but I'm tired of trying to get your attention..."sabi ko at hinalikan siya sa labi for the last time, tsaka sumama na kay Ate

"Laina! your bleeding!"sigaw ni Ate Tracy kaya napatingin naman ako pero bago pa man yung nawalan na ako ng malay...