Can't Get Out

Chapter 18

Tan's POV

Ahhhh!!!!! I should hate her! I should not love her! But why?! I feel like I'm broke again! Why are doing this to me?! Why?!

"What did I do?!"sigaw ko at sinipa ang mesa

"Why the hell I'm hurt!! I already move on!!"

"Fuck you for coming back!"

Why I feel this?! I shouldn't feel this anymore! Why I still care for you?! Fuck this heart!

"I'm in my comatose state for two years!"

No she's just lying! Tan you should get your revenge!

"I leave without saying anything kasi I don't want you to hope that I am still alive after my operation! Ayaw kung malaman mong wala na ako! ayaw kung masaktan ka ng husto kapag nawala na ako ng mga oras na yun! ayaw kung umasa ka!"

Don't believe her Tan! She's just telling that so you'll forgive--

"Shut up!!"

"Mahal kita kaya ko ginawa yun! Mahal kita kaya ko tinago sayo ang sitwasyon ko! mahal kita kaya ayaw kung malaman mong nasa bingit na ako ng kamatayan! I leave because I love you"

Shut up! Shut up! fuck!

"Tan! Tan! open the door!"

"Just leave me the fuck alone!!"sigaw ko

"Tan open this damn door! what's your problem?!"sigaw nila kuya Jem

"Leave me! Or I'll fucking kill you all!"sigaw ko at tumayo at napasuntok sa wall, I can't feel pain why?!

She's lying Tan don't believe her...

why my mind is keep whispering that I should not believe her but my her does I should believe her!?

Open your e-mail that's the only way to find out...

"Tan open the gooddamn door!"sigaw nina kuya Mich, binuksan ko naman yun at sinuntok siya

"What the hell is wrong with you!"sigaw ni Kuya Al, I just glare at them

"I said leave me! Can't you understand?! I said leave me!"sigaw ko at pumasok na sa kwarto tsaka sinara iyon at kinuha laptop ko. If you're lying this time Ash I will punish you! I swear I don't care if you're my BOO...

There are 5 videos and it was five years ago same date when the day she left me....

Hi Bam, I don't know if we see each other again if you're asking where am I, I'm here in new york for my heart transplant... I'm sorry if I didn't say goodbye to you, Ahm do you still remember the last day na kasama niyo ako sa camp? Mahina na ako noon Mommy don't want me to attend but I insist so I can be with you at least for an hour... I know you're really really mad at me no if you see me again.... Ashley! Ashley! sigawan ng mga magulang niya ng bigla siya nawalan ng malay and the video end, kaya pinanuod ko naman yung second video

Hi Bam I'm sorry sa first video ko ah? if nakita mo ako nawalan ng malay inatake kasi ako sa puso... when I was three years old my family discovered that I have a heart failure at first we don't want to believe that kasi baka nagkamali lang ang doctor but as the years past we already accept it. biruin mo, ang daming masasamang tao sa mundo bakit ako ang nagkaroon ng ganito... but I accept it kasi di namang pwede na magreklamo tayo, He gave this to me and to my family because he knows that I can surpass this... but you know Bam sometimes I ask him thag why of all people ako ang nagkaroon ng ganito. I mean oh come on I'm a nice person, wala akong tinatapakang tao wala akong ginawang masama I even help poor people, I go to church every sunday. Pero naisip ko na dapat di ko siya sinisisi or kinukwestiyon kasi he gave me everything I need naman...

I know you're cursing me to death right now for not saying goodbye or di ko man na sabi sayo, Akala ko kasi this is the best way para di na kita masaktan pa kasi I don't want you too hope na I am still alive after my surgery, because you know what people have a heart failure we only have six percent chance to survive kaya ayaw ko na umasa ka, ayaw ko na makita mo akong wala ng buhay kasi I don't want to see you mess or hurt... Anyway Bam I'll rest now, I love you...

When the video already stop Tan realize that he's crying agad agad niya namang pinunsan ang luha niya at nakatitig lang sa monito na kasalukuyang mukha ni Ashley ang naroon

He's mad at the same time he feels aw for Ashley."Who are you to decide! I could even there for you, I can take care of you! titiisin ko ang lahat makasama ka lang but... mas pinili mo na iwan ako! I could just hug you when you need comfort, I could just feed you whem you feel hungry but you choose to left me..."he's mad! He's in pain! He's sad and disappointed to his self. pinakalma niya muna sarili niya bago pindutim ang isang video

Nagulat siya ng pagplay ng video nakita niyang naka oxygen na ito at ang putla putla na may mga itim na sa mata nito at ang payat payat niya na oo payat na siya dati pa but unlike he see in the video halos butot balat na ito."What happened to you Boo?"bulong na lamang niya

Hey Bam... I'm going now please pray for me, and I hope we see each other again in God's perfect time... Always remember this that you're the only one that I love... sabi nito at mahina ng kumaway sa camera at tuluyan ng ipasok ng mga doctor sa OR

Mabilis niyang pinindot ang pang-apat na video he's crying in so much pain when he sees the fourth video he's Boo...

H-hi Tan it's Iris... Ahmm... My cousin... I don't know if you like seeing her like this I hope you'll forgive her, she didn't mean to leave you but she have to for the both of you... ang daming tubong nakakabit sa kanya no? I wish na sana di nalang siya nagkaganyan so you two can be happy without hurting each other... Anyway this is just a short video bye...

My Ashley... I'm sorry Boo if I got mad at you, sana... sana nakita ko kaagad to. He was about to press the last video when he see the date it was three years ago, nagsalubong naman kilay niya at pinindot iyon

Hi Tan it's Iris again... Ahm wait there's Ashy she's still sleeping... she's beautiful right? Btw. today it's her seven hundred thirty seven day here in hospital in short she's been in comatose states for two years and one week, naawa na ako sa kanya... Sometime I joke her na baka pagod na siya sa kakatulog na pwede gumising ma siya para magkasama na kayong dalawa, sinasabi ko pa na Ashy your Bam is here he wants to talk to you please get up now, it's been two years since he's waiting for you but... nabigo parin ako kasi wala eh tulog parin siya. I'll leave the camera on five five minutes para makita mo siya and maybe this is the last video that I'll e-mail to you... yun na ang huling beses na narinig niya ang boses ni Iris at kagaya nga ng sinabi nito she keep the camera on...

Napasuntok nalang siya sa sobrang galit at sakit na naramdaman niya, He's mad now because he's not there when Ashley needed her the most and he's in pain because for the past five years he's mad at Ashley na hindi niya manlang alam kung ano ang nangyari o ano ang sitwasyon ng dalaga sa america

I'm so sorry my Boo... I'm so sorry... I promise tomorrow I will make it up to you I'll do everything just forgive me....

I'm really sorry my Boo...