Paralyzer [Gotham]

5

While I had the virus and even after, I had good and bad days. They always varied, depending on what had set me off and however short my patience ran, but they all started with a bitter mood that festered and turned into something explosive.

I think Victor knew what was taking place, he'd been eying me closely since we were dealing with Penguin. Now that we were home and all I did was stand and stare at Andrew's locked door, I could feel the added weight of his concern. I turned only slightly when he stepped up behind me, leaning down to speak in my ear as he smoothed his hands over my sides. "How're you feeling?" he whispered, pressing his face into my hair.

"Like I want answers," I grumbled, taking a slow breath as his arms encircled my stomach.

"Can't give you what I don't have," he sighed, his own form of an apology. "Why don't we get you out of town for a few days, get some fresh air?" I closed my eyes with a soft frown and leaned back against his chest.

"You think it'll help?" I breathed, skeptical of how to even handle these outbursts.

"Maybe. Only way to know is to try." I heaved a sigh but nodded all the same, dropping my arms from being folded over my chest to rest atop his arms. "Go get a bag together then, I'll let the boss know." I took a deep breath when he kissed the side of my head, frowning further when his arms slipped away.

[]

Victor had me stop by his place, telling me to wait in the car as he entered the small, dark building. It confused me that he took up shack in an almost suburb, but if he lived in the city he wouldn't have a basement, so to some degree it lined up. He hadn't been inside for five minutes before he came out, suitcase in one hand and a dufflebag hung over the other shoulder.

I popped the trunk but he only stuck the suitcase inside, opting to leave the duffle on the floor of the back seat. "Were you already planning on leaving?" I noted when he sat beside me again.

"I always leave this time of year," he shrugged, eyes on me as I drove off. "Figured you could use the break, too." It took a lot to not look away from the road as he tucked my hair behind my ear, the weight of his eyes was especially heavy today.

Every now and again he directed me where to go, but Victor was otherwise silent. About an hour into driving he caught my attention with several clicks, shortly turning my head and having to double take as I found he was cleaning his gun. "Really?" I sighed.

"I didn't have time to clean it before I left. If you love something, you take care of it." I turned another second to take in his face, something about his stern expression setting me at ease. I didn't have anything more to say, adjusting my grip on the wheel. I'd only said it the one time, while I was infected with the virus, and I hadn't expected him to return it. We'd never touched that subject since then.

Despite the ease it gave me, it was quickly overwhelmed; shortly after he'd announced our halfway mark, my white knuckle grip caught his attention. "Turn here," he informed, voice tense.

"I thought you said after the next two?"

"Do it." I huffed and played along, driving for another five miles or so before he had me take a dirt road. "Stop." I bit the inside of my cheek and pulled off to the side, frowning when I saw brightly colored target disks just randomly splayed out a small hill.

"What are we doing h--"

"Out of the car," he ordered, causing me to frown deeper. By the time he was out of the car and digging through the bag in the back seat, I still hadn't moved, his irritation almost palpable. "Lucian, come on. You're not taking this where we're going." I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes, turning off the car and leaning against the hood once I'd stepped out. When Victor stood before me, he held the barrel of a pistol, using the handle to point at me. "You need to let this out."

"You sure I won't just shoot you?" I retorted.

"You could try, but neither of us would like that outcome." I stubbornly held his stare for a minute before releasing a deep breath, taking hold of the gun and pointing it at the ground. "I used to come out here sometimes, nobody bothers you. It's a good place to blow off steam. We aren't leaving until you've done just that." Keeping his pointed gaze locked on me, Victor stepped aside and put a hand on my arm, leading me over to a good range and giving me the cue to fire.

We were there for a while, long enough for me to familiarize myself with the gun, enough for that squashed out rage to return, enough that he had to constantly feed me magazines and even different guns. And when the slide slid all the way back and stayed in place, I still squeezed the trigger, not reaching for the clip Victor held at the ready. Then the rage gave way to tears, and he'd deemed I'd had enough.

He moved slow as he took the gun from my grasp, setting it on the car before turning his full attention to my shaking shoulders. I tilted my head down, allowing my hair to shield me from his gaze, when he turned me to face him, grateful he didn't make me look. Victor just collected me in his arms, resting a hand on the back of my neck as he held me to his chest. "I can't be who you're wanting me to be, I don't know how to get back there."

"Personally, I like the good doctor. I also like this part of you that wants to take risks, but you can't hold it all in and expect to be someone new," he explained, tensing but not saying anything as I felt out his scars over his shirt. "No matter which way you're headed, you've gotta deal before you can decide the path." I relaxed some as he ran his fingers over the back of my head, finding a different sort of comfort than he'd ever given me.