Books and Reviews [OPEN]

Review#10: Kingdom of the Damned

Title: The Kingdom of the Damned
By: vanbrink
Genre: Fantasy
Rating: 3.9/5

REVIEW:

Cover:

Your cover is pretty interesting and it suits the story. Also, it gives off a professional look so well done on that.

Description:

It is intriguing. A girl who wakes up having no memory of who she is when she is a princess,

Character development:

Your characters need some work. Specially Asher.

Because he is a really confusing character. At some point, it is shown that he is really loyal to his work and his job but then, it is shown that he began planning how to help Eliza run away from the castle the minute she asked. I get that he likes her and would never want her to be married to a person she does not like but loyalty comes with a price. Either he is loyal to Eliza or the King. He can't be loyal to both of them. It just does not fit right.

Next is Eliza who has a pretty common personality; sarcastic and impatient. I don't think she can use some other work because it is pretty obvious.

But Brooks, he can use some work. One minute, he seems a stranger that Eliza never knew and the other minute, he is stroking her cheeks. Like, just WAIT. At a point, he is a calm sea and then at the other, he is bursting flames. It does not help set Brooks apart from Asher. To me, both are same-undistinguishable.

Give them certain features except for eyes. They should not be used to set characters apart. They are necessary features but your characters should have more than just eyes.

Like, (for example), you can give someone a limp or a scar on their face or any other place visible to other. These things would tell their own stories and your characters would seem complete. Or you can give a stutter to a character when they get embarrassed or the tip of their ears redden, or you can give them their very own awkward aura, or how they can't keep eye contact, or shift from one foot to another usually or bite their nails or so much more. Theses characteristics can help your characters be apart. You don't always need eyes and there are so many situations where telling any arrival of a character by their eyes seems off line.

Also, when writing by different POV's, make sure each character has their own criteria of thinking. Now everyone thinks like, "I don't care", "Damn!" and "Shit!". Some people are really deep thinkers, they like to think about each and every word, what can it mean and what can it lead to. Similarly, some are fore-sighters. They like to plan future beforehand while some just want to live in the moment. They don't care about future. These things could help the readers knowing about who's POV they are reading without even needing to read the heading.