𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬, shawn mendes

four

a few days later

cassandra mendes
06/05/28
5:24pm
los angeles, usa

"Are you excited to meet Luna?" Avery asks innocently, crawling onto my lap as I read through the script for my newest film. "I'm excited to see her again."

"If you're excited, I'm excited." I reply, kissing the top of her head gently. "What's she like?"

"A princess." Avery sighs dreamily, resting her head against my chest. She must notice my smile drop, never one to miss a trick. "But don't worry, mommy. You're still the queen, and daddy is still the king."

"I'm not worried." I assure her, even though it's the only emotion I feel. How long was it until Shawn and Luna became the king and queen, the rulers of our strange little family? And where does that leave me?

"Good. You don't have to worry." She's the one to assure me now, tapping my nose in the way I always tap hers. She climbs off my lap and onto the floor, running into her room to get changed.

In that moment there's a knock on the door, and I jump up in knowledge of who it is. "Thank god!" I exhale at the sight of Emilia as she walks into the front room, wrapping her arms around me.

"How you doing?" She asks, sympathy lacing her voice.

"As well as I could be, given that I'm about to meet my soon-to-be-ex-husband's new girlfriend." I reply, walking us to my bedroom. "How did I end up here, Em?"

"I wish I knew." She says sitting down next to me. "And I wish you didn't have to suffer through this. But, since you don't have a choice, I'm going to work as hard as I can to get you to look like the boss bitch, intimidating first wife that you were born to be." She jokes, walking over to my walk-in closet.

"Oh, absolutely." I chuckle, feeling a hint of odd excitement at the prospect. I follow her over, taking a seat on the chair as she sorts through my closet.

"You're wearing this. No if's, but's, or maybe's." She announces, handing me an unworn and ridiculously expensive black designer dress, a devilish smirk on her face. "It's perfect if you want to intimidate her."

I laugh, considering it briefly before nodding. "Maybe she's nice." I shrug. "But still, I have to make a good first impression."

"Of course. And this dress, plus hair and makeup provided by moi, will do exactly that."

"I don't doubt your talents for a second, Em." I chuckle, slipping on the dress and turning around for her to zip it up at the back.

For the next hour Emilia fusses over me, making sure my hair and makeup looks as perfect as if I were going to a premier, not meeting the infamous Luna.

"Holy shit." She whispers once she's done, "If I was Shawn, I'd bin Luna or whatever her name is off immediately and get back with you there and then."

"That's not my intention." I state, looking at myself in the mirror. It was true though, I hadn't felt this good in a long time.

"Mhm." She hums, squeezing my hand. "Okay, whatever you say."

I shush her jokingly, checking the time on my phone. "Do I show up early or late?"

"Exactly on time. That way, you'll look basically perfect before you've even spoken." She tells me. "Don't worry though, Cass. You'll kill it."

"This isn't an audition, Em." I chuckle as I walk her back to the door. "This is my fantastic fucking life."

"I know. Good luck." She kisses me on the cheek lightly, careful not to ruin any makeup.

"Thank you so much, Em." I say before you walks out, knowing I have her to owe for my sudden burst of confidence.

"Are you nearly ready?" I peep my head in Avery's door, seeing her sat on her bed dressed in the gorgeous ivory dress I bought for her last time we went shopping on Rodeo, that she picked out herself. For a five year old she had impeccable style, which I guess came from the territory of being the daughter of the biggest male pop star and the biggest female actress of the 2020's.

Her little face lights up when she sees me, and she stands up and runs towards me immediately.

"Wow, mommy. You look really, really, really nice." She gushed, her eyes widening. I grab her tiny hand in mine and squeeze it, happy for the reassurance of my girl.

Ezra is sat in the living room as we exit, dressed in smart trousers and a button down shirt. He looked older, no long the little boy I was so used to.

"Are you trying to impress dad?" Is the first thing he says to me once he sees me, shaking his head jokingly.

"What? No." I dispel his speculation, ushering him over. "I just thought this dress could do with an outing."

He throws me an unconvinced look but still grabs ahold of my hand, swinging slightly.

"Are you nervous, mom?" He asks me as I do my seatbelt, probably noticing the way my hand shakes just slightly. I nod subtly, not wanting to alert Avery. "Don't be." He mouths, expressing maturity that's almost incomprehensible for someone his age.

I chuckle, turning on the radio as I drive the well-known route to Shawn's house in West Hollywood. The music soothes me, until one of Shawn's songs play and it's not so soothing anymore.

Both Avery and Ezra recognise it right away, singing along at the top of their lungs. I daren't join in, terrified of getting too emotional before I've even walked into his house. Because the song was about me, like every love song off all six albums he wrote while we were together. He hasn't released an album since we separated, something I'm thankful for even though I knew he hated not making music. Because it meant I didn't have to listen to songs that weren't about me, songs he'd written about girls like Luna.

The song ends just as I pull up outside his address, dread seeping in. There's a light on inside his house which allows me to see them, Shawn twirling her around like a ballerina and pulling her close as they erupt into laughter. Seeing that is the equivalent to watching my life get torn down, the third time in the space of just two years. I'm used to it now, the feelings of pure heartbreak and dread just consuming my emotions. But there's pockets of happiness, when I'm with my children.

And I'd relive all the heartbreak again, just for those little moments where I can breath, and finally be happy.

a/n;
i planned the whole of this book today a whew y'all are in for a ride