𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬, shawn mendes

[november 2026]

[flashback]
cassandra mendes
23/11/18
10:32am
calabasas, usa

Six months today. Half of a whole year.

She'd be turning six years old on Monday. In kindergarten. She'd probably have made a lot of new friends, she had the kind of smile everyone in the playground wanted to know. She got that from her father.

Except she's not going to make any friends, she's not in kindergarten and my poor baby girl will never see her sixth birthday.

There was so much she never got to do. So much of the world she had left to see, so many people to meet. She'll never have her first kiss, she'll never fall in love and experience the excitement of being in a relationship for the first time. She'll never learn to drive, or graduate, or get job in a career she loves. She'll never get married or have children or grow old with the one person she wants to spend the rest of her life with. She'll never live, not truly.

And in the six months that had passed since she left us, neither had I. And truthfully I didn't know if I ever would. But today, for the first time since that morning it felt like I might be able to live again, with Shawn by my side.

I'd messaged Shawn the night earlier asking to meet — with zero idea of what I'd actually say. 3 months had gone by since we separated, barely having any contact with each other. Our parents took over looking after our kids while we grieved, apart from each other and the rest of the world. But I wanted that to end today. I'd had my time, to reflect and mourn and heal as much as I could. And I was ready to adjust to our new life, with him again.

He'd messaged back immediately, his text containing a time and a place and a declaration of how he was about to text me the same thing, which somehow I managed to doubt.

But it didn't matter, because at one o'clock today at our spot in the hills, I was going to see him again for the first time in three months. And I was hoping and praying that it would go in the same way it did in my head. With us back together again, ready to heal together.

I arrived early, restless and wide awake and desperate to see his face again. Only 10 minutes early, but early enough to beat him there. I sat on our rock, our car parked next to me, and looked at our view of Los Angeles. And I felt closer to him than I had done in a long time.

I heard the sound of a twig snapping underfoot and turned around, not quite knowing what to do when I registered that it was Shawn. And then I realised I had no other choice than to just feel him. To hold him.

I stood up and took the necessary step towards him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling his hoodie clad body close to mine. He froze for a moment before holding me too, his chin rested perfectly on my head.

"Shawn." I breathed out, my voice coming out as a croak whilst my eyes clouded with tears.

"Cassie." He replied, squeezing me a little tighter.

"Shawn." I repeated, never wanting to let go. His arms encapsulated me, overwhelming me with a feeling I'd lacked for so long. Love.

We remained in each other's arms until it felt like we were one again, or at least for me, it did. "I've missed you so much." I whispered as he pulled away, my eyes flitting up to meet his. "I've missed us. I've missed our life, our family."