𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬, shawn mendes

eight

cassandra mendes
07/05/28
7:12pm
calabasas, usa

"I'm here to ask you — how could you?" Shawn replied, an indecipherable emotion in his voice.

"How- how could I what?" I answer. The step backwards I instinctively take sends me straight into the wall behind me, alerting my children to come to the door.

"Daddy!" Avery exclaims, running around the corner and into his arms with her completely innocent disregard for the words he was about to utter. He blinks for a second before sweeping her off the ground, holding her close to him in the way he always does. "What you doing here?"

"I've, uh..." He struggles to manage a response, avoiding my eyes, "I'm here to tuck you into bed."

I don't question him and neither does Avery, who's face instantly drops. "But I'm not tired." She pouts and protests, wriggling out of his arms and onto the floor. Still, she can't mask the ghost of a yawn at the mere mention of bedtime, eliciting a chuckle from Shawn's lips and removing that previous look from his eyes. He's still laughing as he lifts her up over his shoulder, taking large strides over to her bedroom.

And if for just a second I could take a mental picture of this moment, it would seem as though the past two years never happened. As though we didn't lose almost everything. Because it's just him and I in our forever home, looking after our kids. None of the extra complications.

I want and wish more than anything, even after a day like today, that my life still looked like that.

As soon as he's tucked Avery into bed and convinced Ezra to let him do the same, he emerges back into the living room with the same expression he answered the door with.

"How could do something like this, Cassie?" He asks, oddly calm in his tone as he sits down opposite me.

I sigh, shifting my posture to avoid the familiar pit from forming in my stomach. I was used to it now, invasions of privacy at the worst possible times. It was predictable that photos had leaked of my day at the beach with Harry, and even more predictable that Shawn would discover them.

"Like what?" I blink, unsure what's he's talking about and scared to presume. He rolls his eyes, tilting his head to the side and staring me right in the eyes.

"A publicity stunt, Cass. After everything we've been through, after all the things people said at the start of our relationship. After you told that you could never be so shallow to have a relationship for publicity, and here you are cosying up to him, of all people?" He rants, becoming angrier and angrier in his tone as he talks. I can do nothing but sit in a stunned silence, bewildered at the words coming out of his mouth.

"And what makes you sure that it was a publicity stunt, huh? Is the concept of me being happy again so hard to believe?" I hit back, fury consuming my entire body. Even as I'd just began to reach a place where I was finally learning to be happy, he's managing to drag me down.

"It's Harrison Aguillard, Cassie. I've had gum that's lasted longer than his relationships." He spits, making it so clear how much it's gotten to him. I'd feel pity, if I wasn't still hopelessly in love with him. "So excuse me if I don't believe in this well-timed new romance of yours."

"Then don't believe it. It's none of your business whether we're in a relationship or not, Shawn. You lost the right to know that the day you handed me those divorce papers."

"But you see, it is my business, Cassie. Because you've involved my kids in whatever game you're playing by introducing them to him. Him, Cassie. Everything we went through, and you let him back into your life the moment I'm out?"

"You're unbelievable." I choke out, genuinely baffled by the attitude he's exuding. "You don't even care about me, do you? It's that fucking ego of yours, back at it again. You can't stand knowing that he's got what you had. You're obsessed, Shawn."

"And you're not?" He yells, loud enough to wake our children. "Wasn't it just the other day when you were telling me how my relationship with Luna is bound to fail?"

"That's different. That's so different."

"How is it?"

I said that because I'm in love with you.

"See? You can't even answer me." He snarks, proud you have won our argument. "You're a hypocrite."

"Oh, now I'm a hypocrite?" I respond, "When you're the one questioning the sincerity of Harry and I, when you haven't even told your own sister and parents about your new girlfriend?"

He sits back, and now he's the one who doesn't know how to respond. So instead he stands up and grabs his coat, swinging it over his shoulder and walking to the door without another look. It opens and closes with a slam, and just like that he's out of my apartment.

But still, I don't feel like I won. I don't even feel satisfied. Just empty and sad, returned to the way I was before today's events.

I yawn as I check the time, knowing half past eight is too early to go to bed but standing up anyway. I walk up the stairs and down the hallway, peering my head around the door of Avery's room. She's still sleeping soundly despite the arguments from downstairs, the bunny rabbit soft toy that was once mine as a child tucked under her arm. I lean against the door for a moment, wondering what she could be dreaming about. I smile to myself as I close the door, walking across the hall to Ezra's room. He's the same, fast asleep with a teddy bear that belonged to Shawn, once upon a time.

I eventually climb into my own bed, not without creaking the door to Iris' room open. There's nothing more I want then to see her laying there, fast asleep like my other two babies are. But she's not, her bedsheets perfectly made and her room exactly how it used to be, nothing changed.

If only I could say the same for the rest of my life.

a/n;
sorry it's kinda short, hopefully next chapter will be a little longer :)