𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬, shawn mendes

one

TEN YEARS LATER

cassandra mendes
02/05/28
6:32pm
los angeles, usa

"It's been a year and a half," I begin, sighing into my glass of wine and turning to my best friend. "Why can't I just sign the fucking papers, Emilia?"

"Only you know the answer to that." She replies, taking a sip of her own. "But the way I see it..."

"Oh god." I chuckle, ready for the truth. In the 15 years I've known her, she's never had a false instinct. "Go on."

"You're scared. You know that if you sign the divorce papers, your marriage to him is really over." She states, her words ringing true. "And you don't really want it to be over, do you?"

"Woah, there." I hold my hand up, swallowing my wine as I process her question. "I'm gonna need more wine before I answer questions like that."

"It's ok to not know." She assures me. "You've had the most difficult two years of your life. You lost a child, Cass. I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through."

"And it hurts me every single day." I croak, "Every single day I wake up and all I think about is the life I had two years ago. Two years ago today, it was our eighth wedding anniversary. We were sat here... on this couch and he—" My voice cracks at the memories that come rushing in all at once. It was as if I'd lifted the floodgates that I'd placed when he handed me those divorce papers and told me it was over. And I still hadn't signed them. "He played me a song. He always used to write me songs on our anniversaries, and this one was about... growing old together." I begin to sob uncontrollably, allowing my best friend to sweep me into her arms and wrap me in a comforting hug.

"We're not gonna get to grow old together, Em." I cry, all my tears staining her sweater. "We lost it all, and it's all my fault."

"Cass? Cass, listen to me." She says, looking me in the eyes, "It is not your fault. None of this is your fault, you hear me?"

"But I was the one who suggested we separate, after we lost Iris." I murmur, "And if I hadn't done that, he wouldn't have filed for divorce and I wouldn't be sat here, on our tenth wedding anniversary, crying to you."

"Sometimes, marriages don't work out. You had twelve amazing years together. And I know this probably isn't what you want hear, but what if it's time to let those years go?" She suggests. "So, it's your tenth wedding anniversary, and you're not spending it with him. Isn't that a sign that it's time to move on?"

"I don't know if I like where this is going." I mumble, taking the last sip of my wine and setting the empty glass down. The divorce papers catch my eye, and the blank space where my signature should be is haunting me. "I don't know if I can physically bring myself to sign them."

"C'mon. Just a piece of paper, right?" She reminds me. "And then you can finally move on. Get back out there, start dating."

"I'm a soon-to-be-divorced single mother of three children who's obsessed with her career and hasn't dated in fourteen years. I'm hardly 'dating' material, Emilia." I retort, rolling my eyes.

"You just need to get out there, Cass. You'll find the right guy." She assures me. "Pick up the pen."

"I'm really doing this?" I raise my eyebrows, reaching for the pen and nibbling it between my teeth as I decide whether I am.

"If you're sure." She says, serious. "Only you can make the decision to end all this. But you know it's the right thing to do."

"Yeah. I can't hold onto someone that wants to be free." I say, to convince myself. "No matter how much I wish he wanted to stay."

I push the pen up, leaning forward and pulling the papers towards me.

Sign, Cassandra. Sign the papers, and move on.

So that's what I do. I glide the black ink across the paper, doing the signature I've signed so many times before. Autographs, cheques, school notes and now divorce papers.

Exactly ten years ago, I was marrying the man I loved. And now, I'm signing that marriage away.