Pure

16

-Demi

I wanted to tell Maddie not to come. I wanted to wait a couple of days and see how things were gonna go. I needed some time for myself to figure it out and see what the next step would be. But it wouldn't be fair. I'd been pushing her off already for a while and finally I told her she could come, it wouldn't be nice to cancel last minute.
But I am worried. I have no idea how this is gonna go over. I need to fix things with Cara before I let Maddie come. She's the first person in my family to officially meet her and she will not have a good first impression to inform the rest of my family. And they're all gonna dislike Cara before even meeting her.

But honestly, I'm am more then just lost. I literally have no fucking clue what to do anymore. She seemed so hurt when I'd 'given up on her', but what does she want from me? I say something, she doesn't listen. I don't say anything, she gets upset. I get involved in her life, she tells me to fuck off. I don't get involved, she claims I gave up on her. She doesn't leave me with any options. I can't do anything, but I also can't do nothing. So what does that leave me with? Exactly, nothing!
And I hate it, cause the look on her face was just so hurt. And hurting her is the last thing I ever wanted to do.

She didn't talk much yesterday. I was worried that she'll crawl back into her cave, but she didn't. She was just extremely quiet on the ride to and from school. And as usual she did spend most of the rest of the day up in her room, but she came down for dinner and helped clean after- all without making a sound besides for the usual thank you.
I wasn't saying much either though. Not because I didn't want to. I am actually dying to talk to her. I just have no idea what to say. I wanna continue life as if nothing happened, like I've been doing every time until now when she did something like this. But because of my lack of reaction, this turned into a whole new situation and she isn't acting like she usually would, so I don't know how to act either.
Ugh, why does it have to be so damn difficult the whole time?

"I might go home with Mary after school to work on our project," Cara very softly informs me, as I'm about to pull up in front of her school building. "Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, of course," I smile at her. "Do you know where she lives? Text me her address and let me know when I need to come pick you up."

"It's not too far, I think I can walk back. You don't have to go through that trouble."

"I really don't mind," I insist. "And it's your first time going there, so I'd anyway be more comfortable picking you up rather then you walking back."

"Okay," she agrees reluctantly. "I'll ask her and then I'll send you the address."

"Great," I now stop in front of her school. "Have a great day."

She opens the door and gets out. "Thanks for the ride," she's about to close the door.

"Oh, just a reminder," I stop her. "My sister Maddie is coming today."

I see her furrow her eyebrows, but she quickly relaxes. "Oh, right, I knew that," she lets out an awkward chuckle. "I'll see you later," she now fully closed the door and I wait until I see she's in the building before driving away.
I'm happy that she's going to someone else's house. I'm happy that maybe she is actually making friends. But I'm also kinda scared. I mean, I've been worrying since she came, but now even more. For one- she thinks I've given up on her, maybe she's planning to leave cause what reason does she have to stay? For two- now that I know she ran away, who's to guarantee the police aren't looking for her? The way she described it and from what I've been able to pick up, her family doesn't seem like the type to just forget about their child. They for sure put out a missing persons report and are looking for her. And when I found her she said she came from a couple towns over, so how long will it already take for them to get here and see her.
I just feel safer when I know exactly where she is. Like when she's in school. And even though I do want her to get back to her family- given that they haven't done anything to hurt her, of course -I don't want her to be picked up by cops and disappear without me knowing about it. I want to be there when they find her. I was to reassure them that she's been taken care of and that she's okay. I wanna even meet her parents and let them know what's been going on with her. If I'm already so worried, I can only imagine what they must be feeling. I want to at least be able to relieve a little bit of that agony that they're most probably feeling.