Pure

2

-Demi

I would be lying if I say I expected it to be easy. I also wouldn't be saying the truth if I say I knew it was gonna take such a toll on me.
I was getting so emotionally involved so fast. Not that I wasn't planning to, I had all the right purposes and I definitely intended on taking this all serious and putting my all into it. But I didn't realize my heart would adapt so extremely quick. Every single second that she wasn't in my sigh, I was worried. Every single second that I couldn't see or hear her, I got scared. And it's only been two weeks, for fuck's sake. I don't know if I wanna know how bad it's gonna be after a month or two, given that she'll still be here.

Really, the more I think about it, the more I realize how crazy I am for having made such a rash decision so quickly. I don't regret it, not even a little bit. But in all honesty, that's just cause I got lucky. Things could've turned out so much worse and it would all have been on me. Even now it's all on me. I have absolutely no one else to blame if anything were to go wrong, and believe me there definitely will be things that will go very wrong. Lots of them, probably. I mean, at the rate that we're going at I can't even say what's gonna happen tomorrow.

She is a piece of work.

Let me tell you, Cara is definitely no easy-going-okay-with-everything-always-happy kinda girl. Not even a little bit. She practically gives me a run for my money. And every time I see her walking into the door, it's such a relief to know that she's still here.
It's probably horrible of me to expect her to run away, I mean, what kind of person does that make me? But you can't really blame me either. With her attitude- I'm surprised she even came with me in the first place. Well, me and practically everyone else I know. My mother nearly cut my head off when I told her what I'd done and my best friend was ready to tell Cara to 'get the fuck lost and never return'- her exact words. And she would've, if I wasn't physically preventing her from coming even slightly close to the room that's now Cara's. But I think she might very very slowly be warming up to the idea. Not that she would ever admit that out loud, or to herself actually.

"Time to get your butt out of bed, Cara," I knock on her bedroom door. It's already past noon and I've let her sleep in every day so far. It's not like she has anything else to do anyway. But it's also a little hard on me, cause I'm so fucking worried for reasons I can't even understand. For example, I like to go on a run every morning. It used to be a half an hour minimum run, but now it's turned more into a half an hour maximum run. Cause for some unknown reason I'm too scared of leaving a sleeping Cara alone in the house for too long.

I don't wait around for her to actually get up, I don't want to be too overbearing already, as I make my way back downstairs to make her some brunch.
She's not a great eater, that much I've picked up on. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't like my food or if it's because she's still uncomfortable or anything like that, but it seems she doesn't have much of an appetite most of the time. She eats what I serve her, but she never finishes her plate. She usually eats about half of it before she throws out the rest, claiming she's full. So right now I'm working on just making smaller portions, cause maybe, like she always says, she just doesn't need more and I'm getting paranoid over nothing.

"Morning," she gives me a very faint smile- still better then yesterday, though.

I try to be nice and gentle with her, but I keep on having to remind myself that she's not a little kid and she doesn't appreciate me treating her like one. "Here you go," I hold myself back from calling her any kind of petname that's at the tip of my tongue, as I hand her a plate with some scrambled eggs and toast, so far the only thing she's actually completely finished, while she takes a seat at the kitchen table. "Water or juice?" I then ask.

"Water's fine," she replies without looking at me, as per usual, as she stabs her fork into a piece of egg. "Thanks," she mumbles when I hand her a glass of water.