Pure

12

-Demi

I thought things were rocky before, but the universe has a funny way of showing me I'm very wrong. Cause if before was rocky then I don't even know how to describe now. It's past rocky. It's way way past rocky. It's- I don't even know. But good would not be the opposite of the right word to use.
Maggie feels like shit. I can't blame her for what happened though. We both couldn't have known she was gonna react like that. Granted, Maggie said something not very nice, but it wasn't the first time. The two of them had been insulting each other since the day they met. And Cara always has such great comebacks, we were expecting some witty comment. Not a full blown outrage.

It's been horrible. The rest of that day was spent in silence and awkwardness. Cara didn't come out of the room at all and didn't say another word besides for 'thanks' when I brought her some food for dinner. The next day she insisted Maggie and I go out and have fun before we had to leave, but she didn't wanna come with us. She promised she wouldn't leave the cabin though, knowing it was the only way I was gonna leave the house without her. I didn't want to. Maggie didn't either. But it was depressing to sit there all day and do nothing, so we decided to go for a walk. Not too long or too far though. Maggie kept on apologizing and telling me how bad she felt, but I wasn't upset with her. I didn't hold her responsible.
The drive back was even more silent then the way there had been. I was just so unsure of what was gonna happen now. I had no idea which direction things were gonna go in. Cara just wasn't talking. It's as if her defences shot back up to the sky and she was crawling into a shell. She didn't smile, she didn't make any noise, she wasn't even rude or bitchy! She has no more clever comments or funny comebacks. She just has a blank stare on her face. No emotion whatsoever.
She did very sweetly help us unload the car and put all the stuff away. She even smiled at Maggie and thanked her for having let her come along- the first words we'd heard from her since it happened -before she ran back up to her room and locked herself in there. And she still hasn't come out.
It's been four days now and she only comes out in the morning when I drive her to school. And as soon as I pick her up, she hides back in there. I bring her up food and drinks, but I barely see her face anymore. She doesn't even go out to have sex with that stupid boy anymore. And as much as I don't want her to have sex, I kinda wish she would- just so that I know she's okay. I wouldn't even care if she yelled at me, or insulted me and came home drunk even! I just want some indication of human life from her. Some indication that she's okay, that she's gonna be fine.

"How is she?" Maggie asks over the phone. She hasn't been over since we came back. She's barely even called or texted me. She feels guilty and as much as I try to tell her that it's not her fault, she won't listen to reason. And it sucks, cause now I've lost Maggie and Cara both.

"Same," I sigh. "When are you coming over again?"

I know what her answer is gonna be, but I have to keep pushing. "You know I can't, Demi."

"You could, you just don't want to," I point out.

"Did you see the look in her eyes, Dems?" Maggie almost starts crying again. "She looked as if I'd ripped her apart into pieces. She was so extremely hurt. I never meant to hurt her, Demi! It was just friendly bickering like we'd been doing until now. But I fucking broke her."

"You didn't mean to, Maggs. We both know that and so does she," I insist. "And she's a tough cookie, you know that too. She just needs a little time," it's funny how I'm the one comforting Maggie when she didn't even like Cara in the first place. I am actually the one who needs reassurance here. I need to be told that it will get better, that Cara will not leave me because of this, that we can get through this. But since no one is telling me that, I have to tell myself that. And as a continuation, also Maggie.