How to Fall Apart

Chapter Nineteen

I tried in vain a couple of times to text and call Kenny that week. I wasn't exactly heartbroken about it and that made me wonder how genuine my feelings were in the first place. I couldn't deny that I was incredibly attracted to Kenny but I wasn't missing the passive aggressive phone calls and text messages. I didn't want to choose Nate by default.

I didn't want to seem cocky, like I was some prize to be won so I didn't say anything to him about it. But it didn't matter because he didn't even try to hide how he felt and that just made me like him more. He put himself out there and let me decide. He was sweet, walking me to lunch, holding my hand when I reached for his in the hallway. That's how Alissa found me when she came back to school that Thursday. I came up the stairs hand in hand with Nate and thought I saw a ghost. She had her hair pulled up in her usual knot on her head, her eyes were lined with thick black liner and her big mouth was colored dark red. She wore a black sweater cut low showing off way too much cleavage for school and a pair of her Miss Me jeans with fuzzy pink slippers on her feet. But there was something different about her that I couldn't put my finger on it. It felt like it had been much longer than two weeks since I'd seen her last.

"Alissa!" I called out to her, expecting her to be as happy to see me. Her eyes dropped to mine and Nate's hands laced together and she smirked at me and just walked right past us. "Alissa?!" I called after her. I turned around in my seat and tried to talk to her in chemistry but she wasn't interested.

"Better not get caught talking to me. Your friend is watching," she flicked her eyes at Bella who was sitting across the room paying zero attention to us. So that's what this was. Alissa was jealous that I was making friends and having fun while she was locked up in juvie. She must have seen pictures on Facebook.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" I said a little too loudly.

"Ms. Shulz..." Our chem teacher warned me.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I whispered this time. She just stared blankly at me with her darkly lined eyes. "Did you check your phone? I probably filled up your voicemail, I sent you a ton of text messages. I went to your freaking house because I was so worried about you. But you're mad at me because I didn't sit at home and do nothing the whole time you were locked up?" Her eyes widened. Clearly Avery hadn't told her that 'Aida' stopped by. "Yeah, Avery told me where you were."

"You talked to Avery?!" She hissed.

"Yes, I went to your house to check on you because I was worried about you and she answered the door!" I spun back around in my seat and ignored her for the rest of class. I half expected her to come sit with me at lunch but I didn't even see her in the cafeteria. I couldn't believe she was really mad at me for having other friends. So I pulled out my sketch pad and put the finishing touches on my mural project while picking at a bagel. Nobody else I hung out with had the same lunch hour as I did. Nate and Carly and most of their friends only had a few morning classes and then were done for the day. It was funny to think that just months before this was how I spent all my lunches.

The next day I didn't try to say anything to Alissa. I was pissed off. I was mad at her for being mad at me. She didn't try to talk to me either and that just made me more angry. By the end of class I was seething. I stormed out of the room, Nate was waiting for me to walk to English together and had to jog to catch up with me.

"Woah, Veda slow down!" He called after me. I pouted through English class and apparently Nate thought it was pretty cute because he kissed me when he walked me to the commons at lunch. "Sorry," he said but then kissed me again.

"Could you please stop apologizing for kissing me!" I laughed against his lips and when he pulled away I stood on my tip toes and kissed him. "I'm not sorry," I told him and he rewarded me with a dimpled smile.