How to Fall Apart

Chapter Twenty-Six

    I eyed Nate skeptically as he came into English the next day. I wondered if Carly had told him that Kenny drove me to work the night before. I wondered if it mattered. He was wearing a light gray sweater that he looked impossibly good in and right then there was no question between Nate and Kenny. Kenny who? But that was the problem, wasn't it? Whoever was standing in front of me looked like the right choice. Or had anyway. Beyond the physical, I felt like I was finally ready to say I was done with Kenny. I just wasn't sure that was enough. And I could hardly tell Nate that he was all I want when Carly saw that Kenny drove me to work the night before.

          I watched him as he made his way to his usual seat next to me and he rewarded me with a flash of a dimple but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. She'd definitely told him. He smelled as good as he looked and I hoped I wasn't too obvious as I inhaled when he sat down.

    "Hey," I grinned up at him.

    "Hey beautiful." Maybe she hadn't told him. I didn't feel beautiful that day in yoga pants and an old hoodie with my hair pulled into something between a pony tail and a bun, but I happily accepted the compliment along with a piece of spearmint gum. "I'm so tired." He pouted, I melted. How could anybody be that cute? He asked me what I was doing Friday night and I told him that I had to work and then had plans with Alissa.

          "And Kenny?" He asked, looking down at his desk. Carly had definitely told him. I couldn't be mad really, he was her brother and I was just a friend. I chewed on my lip and he glanced up at me, squinting those gorgeous green eyes. "Sorry, that's not really my business," he said in a way that made me want every part of me to be his business. I hated the way he kept apologizing when I was the one messing up and was about to say so when Mr. Mason called the class to attention.

    Kenny text me three times that night. The first message was a simple Hey and I took it as a good sign when I set the phone down for a minute to do something and forgot to text him back. The next message came fifteen minutes later We should get together sometime this weekend. I typed in a few different messages to send back but didn't end up sending any of them. I wasn't really sure I should see him, or if I even wanted to. The third message was about my panties and that one was easy not to respond to. I called Nate when I knew he would be done with basketball and he didn't answer. I couldn't help but wonder if he was ignoring me. He did text me later that he was in the shower when I had called but was exhausted from basketball and would see me tomorrow. I pouted and went to bed, mind swirling with thoughts of Nate and Kenny, Carly, my parents, and my art grade.

"Are you okay?" Nate asked me the next morning when he slid into the seat next to me in class. It was the last day of school before Christmas break and I was doodling in the margin of my notebook, wearing the same hoodie I'd had on the day before. I had hardly slept the night before, and was rushing around that morning so I wouldn't be late for school. My art grade was not the only one suffering from skipping on Monday. I didn't know how Alissa had ever made it past her freshman year of school with as much as she skipped. I had missed a quiz in chemistry and and turning in a paper in English and I couldn't afford to even be late again. I hadn't even noticed Nate come into the classroom, unusual since I usually either came in with him or at least rather enjoyed watching him make his way to the back of the room to sit next to me.

    "Hey, yeah. I'm fine." I looked up at him with dark circles under my eyes and offered up a weak smile. "Just tired."

    "Did you go out last night?" He asked without any accusation but I couldn't help but get defensive.

    "No!" I snapped. "What do you think, I party all the time?!" His eyes widened in surprise to my overreaction.

    "That's not what I meant," he said softly, putting a hand on my arm.