How to Fall Apart

Chapter Thirty

I woke up to pounding in my head. I pressed my fingers to my temple but the pounding didn't stop and I finally realized that it was coming from the front door. I scrambled out of bed and my head joined in on the pounding as I hurried to the door. As soon as I turned the deadbolt, the door flew open and the sun was so bright I had to squint.

    "Veda, where the hell have you been?" My Uncle Matt barreled through the door, bringing the cold with him. I registered his voice before my eyes even adjusted and I recognized his face.

    "Here...?" I answered slowly, confused by his question. Uncle Matt lived in Minneapolis, the real question was what was he doing there? But before I could even ask he started in on me.

    "Your mom has been trying to call you all night," he yelled, stepping out of his wet boots. I looked down the hall toward Mom's room. Uncle Matt looked at me incredulously. "You didn't even notice your mom and Clark were gone? They're at the hospital, Veda!" I wasn't drunk anymore but the room spun and I had to lean against the wall.

    "Clark?" I knew something was wrong. I knew it and I went out last night anyway. I knew something was wrong but all I could think about was myself. I felt bile rise in my throat and I struggled to keep it down. I had actually had the thought the night before that things really couldn't get any worse than they already were. I couldn't have possibly been any more wrong about that. I had been so selfish. Nothing else even seemed significant right then. Not my stupid fight with Alissa or Carly. Not my job. Not Nate. Not even Dad with his new life and new family. Kenny, well I still hadn't even fully processed that situation and this really wasn't the time.

    "They've been running tests all night, last I heard they think it's a leaking valve in his heart. They're just waiting on the surgeon now," Matt said as he poked at his phone, probably letting Mom know he found me.

    "Is he going to be okay?" My eyes were swimming in tears.

    "It's open heart surgery, Veda." He leveled his gaze with mine, he had never been one to sugar coat anything. "Why haven't you been answering your phone? Your mom was worried sick and that's the last thing she needs right now."

    "I know... I think it's dead," I replied sheepishly, not adding that I had been too drunk and self centered the night before to pay attention to my phone. "Can we go to the hospital?"

    "Yeah, after you shower. Your mom doesn't need to know that you've been drinking," he said flatly. He looked exhausted, but then he'd probably been up all night. He sat down on the couch and closed his eyes, effectively dismissing me. I took the fastest shower in history and dressed quickly, not giving him much time to rest his eyes but I was impatient to see Clark. I'd plugged my phone in while I showered and the little red numbers stared accusingly up at me, alerting me of all the calls, voicemails and texts I'd missed. I swallowed down the guilt and threw my charger in a bag along with a change of clothes for mom and the book Clark had been reading. At the last second I tossed my sketchbook into the bag too.

    I gently shook Uncle Matt to wake him and then stood back awkwardly. I'd always been pretty close with my uncle. He was older than mom by a five years and when she'd been working her way through school he had helped out a lot, we'd even lived with him for about a year when I was two. We didn't get to see him as much anymore but when we did it was usually a happy occasion filled with hugs and endless chatter. This wasn't the usual though, and it wasn't just that he was exhausted and worried about Clark. He seemed disappointed in me.

    "Let's go." He threw his arm around my shoulder and gave me a reassuring squeeze. "He's going to be okay."

    "How can you be sure?" I asked, pulling the door closed behind us.