dear beomgyu,

26

dear beomgyu,

days with you virtually went by so fast and every day, i got to know you better. we knew almost everything about each other. we became each other's human diary.

we basically depended on each other. i seriously can't go on a day without talking to you.

we've been on countless mini fights but always got better at the end of the day. we did a lot of things we like to do even virtually. you taught me different things and i taught you a lot too.

ever since, we've been relying to each other. it was hard whenever we got big fights and don't talk to each other for days. you became my strength and inspiration. knowing that you are mad makes me sad and disappointed with myself. but you'll always be the one to say sorry first and make it up to me.

i was so lucky to have you as my best friend, beomgyu. you were my best friend, instructor, brother, and inspiration.

as days go by, this weird feeling rising up inside me made me confused. it was foreign, i never felt it before. i know it isn't normal. i never had close friends whom i can share what i was feeling with. i remained confused.

my heart always beat fast whenever i see your name on my notification. when i hear your voice, i feel lullabied and there were always something moving in my stomach. i easily got self-conscious whenever you wanted to have a video call. my hands were always trembling whenever i answer your call. and i felt disappointed when you told me about your new friend, jia.

that time, i refused to believe i was jealous. i always told you to get a new friend because you said you've been eating alone during break time. but you refused because you said you do not want to replace me as your friend. but when you finally got a friend, there was a foreign feeling. no, it wasn't just jealousy. i couldn't figure it out. but i know it wasn't healthy and good for our friendship.

you always talked about her. maybe i was really jealous. but i didn't tell you about it. i don't want us to fight over small things again. because i know that this will break my heart even more than before.