dear beomgyu,

last letter.

note: thank you for being with me until the end of this. i'm sorry if this was so sudden and long compared to my past updates. i really didn't expect i would still be able to write after seven months. i hope i answered all your questions. :D

✰

june 30, 2020.

"one dream, this has been tomorrow x together. good bye. see you soon, MOAs!"

the tears i've been holding back fell freely on my cheeks as the five of you held hands and did your bow in front of us. it was not only me who has been a crying mess. in fact, the friends i made today are also crying as you bid your good bye. it didn't even help because the background music was our summer acoustic instrumental.

tonight is a memorable day for me. for the first time after five years, i met you again. how my whole day went became blurry for me the moment i landed my eyes on you for the first time after those years of longing for you to remember me.

seeing you... i knew it was different from before. what happened when i first met you nine years ago, it was a lot different seeing you standing on the stage, together with the four people you've bonded since you met them.

before, i met you and became your best friend. but now, i'm standing here among the ocean of lights, as a person who looks up to the five of you... as your MOA.

it was delusional of me to think about even the 0.01% possibility of you recognizing me among your crowd. i should've not thought about it. there was no way in hell you will see me among the thousands of MOAs inside this arena. i was hopeless.

i got my eyes on you even when all of you were about to leave the stage. i held my breath when you stopped midway and looked back... i couldn't tell if you looked towards my direction. yeah... it's funny. those things only happens in fan fictions. i'm no way in a fan fiction right now. this is the reality that i have to accept. it was delusional of me to think that your eyes landed on mine.

it was not the case. because i can see in your eyes, how much you admire the crowd. your eyes are so transparent that i can see how happy you are. there was a trace of longing and sadness but isn't it what idols feel whenever they have to leave the stage because their concert has ended?

i couldn't even asked the heavens for more.

because what matters is that i met you again and i saw how happy you are on stage. that's the only thing that matters for me. it doesn't matter if you can't remember even the slightest detail about me. it doesn't matter if you didn't see me. because this is how our friendship is supposed to end. i couldn't befriend an idol like you.

✰

i let out a heavy sigh as i stepped out of the arena. "i guess this is really the end."

it was getting late for me but i decided to let my time pass in a starbucks cafe just near the arena. i wasn't in the mood to travel home after the concert. i know i have to collect myself and make the shaking and trembling go away.

i opened my wallet and there i saw the polaroid we took before beomgyu left manila. it's still perfectly fine, though, it is almost faded. i looked at my left wrist to see the bracelet he gave me.

i didn't even notice the tears that were falling on my cheeks.

it took me long enough to fix myself, i know i was a mess. it was almost 1am when i saw my wristwatch. there are like three to four people inside the cafe and everyone's just minding their own business.

i was about to go when someone i didn't expect to be here at this hour entered the doors of starbucks.

wearing a bucket hat, black shorts and kinda oversized shirt, i knew it was yeonjun. he was with someone, which i assume was a staff, and someone on the doors, probably guarding if ever he gets mobbed. i was literally trembling. it felt surreal, even though it was beomgyu i wished to see.