What's Going to Happen: NCIS

Chapter 37

Melissa's POV:

I've said before that many of nights were long, while last night was the longest night of my life. I won't allow myself to say that about a night ever again.

After crying on the couch for lord knows how long, I fell asleep. I woke up to my phone ringing. It was James. He wanted to know if I was okay. I told him that I was staying over at Ziva's and I was sorry I forgot to call. Lying meant nothing to me when I woke up and it still doesn't. I know for a fact he wouldn't appreciate, but he won't find out. He responded saying it was okay and that he was awake anyway. When I hung up the phone, I noticed it was two o'clock in the morning.

I thought I would've still been tired and fallen back asleep after the call, but all I could do was stare blankly at the ceiling. I tried to close my eyes to ignore the feeling that Tim and I were really over. I tried to convince myself I dreamt it, but I knew that wasn't the case.

After trying to close my eyes for 15 minutes, I forced myself to open my laptop and start working. After a few minutes of organizing and color coding (something I thought I would never have to do), I remembered that I didn't clock out.

When I walked out of my office, the building was as empty as I felt. It was weird hearing no one talking on the phone. I made myself think I saw something move because everyone in here is always trying to get somewhere.

When I was able to clock out, the tears returned because I thought about seeing him in a few hours. I never had to face someone who hurt me. James doesn't count. He was my dad and was still present even if he wasn't always there. Besides him, I never allowed myself to confront anyone who has hurt me. It's all I could think of. I couldn't see the buttons because the tears kept on coming. It took me three minutes to finally be clocked out.

I thought that this would make me more tired, but I was wrong. I was wide awake and began working again. I didn't want to be home. Somehow, being in my room alone with my pain, was worse than facing any fear I've ever had. I tried to work as hard as I could, but I was just going slow. I kept looking at my phone as if he would text or call and tell me it was all a joke or a moment of doubt. I would have done anything for him to at least call me.

In a moment of weakness, I picked up my phone and looked through our pictures together. I looked at the one I took one night of us in bed. It wasn't anything scandalous. It was just us cuddled with each other watching a movie. I took one from a bird's eye view and he just looked so cute.

I laid back down on the couch with my laptop still on and just kept scrolling. We didn't take a lot of photos; definitely more than expected. Somehow, looking at them made me smile instead of sad. I was convinced I was going insane because how could I feel happy while having the strongest feeling that everything he said, he meant.

In that moment I didn't care because I was looking at the happiness he felt when he was with me. I was always happy with him. Even when we were arguing. I was happy because we were working on us.

This feeling that I've been having was worse because I knew it was over. I knew he meant everything he said. The worst part is that I have no idea where any of it came from. It's not like him to bottle up his emotions. He always was up front with me about everything. I was the same with him. I don't know where all of it began. He started with mentioning the abduction, then threw the fact that I would leave my job for him in my face. It made me feel weak and desperate. I thought that was the feeling I was having, but I've had it for too long for it to be that.

Out of know where, I fell back asleep. When I woke up, my phone wasn't in my hand and my laptop was off. I could hear people in the building, so I know the day had started. I don't know when I fell asleep or what time it was then.