Phoenix Pact Into The Marvel Universe Volume #1 [Satire]

Issue #9 - The Uncivil War (Civil War 2 Tie In)

*Heat and Gyro were both standing by the register while only a few people wear eating in the sub shop. Gyro leaned onto the nearby wall by the register as Heat slowly gazed over to the store window then back to Gyro*

Heat: I know, I shouldn't be asking for this but I just wish something would happened today-

*A man in a beanie was sent flying into the store window in a fireball as he shattered the window on contact and slammed into the nearby drinking machine. Multiple fluids burst out from the drinking machine which put out the fires coming from the man. He groaned in pain while Firestar stoically marched in the sub shop through the broken window. Nearly everyone was in a state of shock while other heroes rushed inside and apprehended the man*

Firestar: You are under arrest for your future crime alleged henchman of Black Cat! 

*The heroes  and Firestar quickly left with the man as everyone was still left in a stun state. Gyro and Heat gawked at each other with wide eyes*

Gyro: Who the f*** was that and what the f*** did we just witness!?

[Mister: Bhu bhu bhu bwooooom!]

*The view point zooms through multiple planets and stars*

[Mister: Bhu bhu bhu du du bwoooom bwaaaaaa!]

*The view point zooms into the title floating in space saying*

["The Uncivil, Civil War 2 Tie-in to the Actual Civil War 2 That's Not like the American Civil War"]

[Mister: F*** me, that took long to make. Wait what the f***? F***? Awe, s***!]

*Mister leaned back in his captain's chair as he heavily sighed and shook his head*

Mister: What in the asterisks is going on with the curse words!? It's getting worse! It's bad enough we're doing this stupid plot where some moron-

*Mister stared at a message on his phone as his eyes grew wide after reading it. He then quickly composes himself happily looking back at the view point of the audience*

Mister: Moronically lucky man gets the power of future sight and now everyone is going nuts...because this is so amazing. I mean, seriously it's like they've never dealt with a being with this sort of power before or have a stone that can literally control time- oh hold on my phone is...

*He again stares back at another message on his phone as it began to ring. Mister appeared serious hunching his body while putting his hands together and looking directly to the view point of the audience*

Mister: This event means a lot, and is so meaningful. It's so important that you buy into this plot line along with it's many tie-ins.

*His phone stops ringing*

Mister: Why you may ask...well...cause it has...long lost questions to be answered, philosophical aught's to be address and best of all...a s***- a shoot ton of super heroes beating the ever loving frick out of each other. It's going to be good. So ya our heroes are...

*Mister snapped his fingers as a TV monitor magically appeared showing the Phoenix Pact relaxing at their house*

Mister: Oh perfect, our passive heroes aren't doing anything again. Well...it looks like I'm going to have to bring this-