Never As It Seems

Chapter 31

In a blur of panic, Amber stormed through the suite and into the bedroom. She slammed the door loudly behind her. She was about to throw herself onto the bed but quickly changed her mind and paced the room instead. She couldn't keep still enough to lay down. Her thoughts darted from one to the next and none stayed long enough for her to clarify. When she became aware that her breathing was all over the place and she began to feel dizzy, she stopped at the window. Trying to catch her breath and thoughts, she tapped her foot while the adrenaline created by the situation pumped through her.

Erin slowly opened the door and surveyed the scene. Amber tensed as she heard her enter the room. After a long pause, she turned to face her sister. She couldn't make out her expression in the waning light but imagined it was one of trepidation. Neither moved and the tension was almost suffocating.

Erin eventually broke the silence.

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be sorry." She said with an air of false confidence.

That was all Amber needed. She took a couple of paces across the room and let all her questions fly at her sister like arrows.

"What on earth made you think this was okay? Are you mad or are you just trying to ruin my life? What have I ever done to you?"

Erin tried to answer but was interrupted every time by another barrage of questions. She patiently waited until Amber's tirade wound down.

"I'm so sorry." She said quietly, knowing it would be no use.

"Is that what this whole trip is about? Is he why we're here?"

Erin nodded.

"But why? I was trying so hard to forget him! Don't you know how hard it's been?"

"Yes! That's why I set this all up." She said taking a step closer.

"Set all what up?" Amber's heart skipped a beat at the fear that there was more to this than just Jay being in the hotel. "Oh my... Erin does he know? Does he know I'm here?"

"No! No... Not that I know of. We... I mean I just hoped that you'd bump into each other... or something."

Amber shook her head and finally came to a rest on the bed.

"Are you still mad at me?" Erin asked.

"Mad at you!?" She glared across the room. "I'll never forgive you for this."

Erin sniffed back her tears and left the room.

Amber stared at her feet for over an hour. Her mind went over and over her whole relationship with Jay. The night they met, their arguments and reconciliations, the way he made her feel - both good and bad. Then her mind would turn to the effort she had gone to to take her life back. And that's when she would get angry. Then the anger would be taken over by nerves at the thought he was in the same building and that he might have seen her. The nerves turned to split seconds of excitement at the thought and then she would quickly rebuke it.

She put her hand to the necklace she still wore. She'd tried a couple of times to leave it off but she never felt comfortable without it. The same way she didn't feel comfortable without Jay. It was the one thing she had allowed herself to keep. Everything else, including her emotions, she had thrown out and blocked off in the hope that she could create a life without him. Now, in this plush hotel room, she found all those emotions she had blocked out beginning to push at the dam she'd created.

After a long while and when it was completely dark in the room, other than the orange glow of the street lights far below, Amber decided she needed to move. She got up to leave the room but changed her mind when she got to the door, not wanting to face her sister or a barrage of questions from her parents. Instead, she flicked on a lamp and attempted to read.

The sound of the bedroom door opening woke her from an unplanned sleep. She sat up and the book she was reading fell to the floor. Erin picked it up and held onto it as she sat down on the bed. She looked at the ground for a few seconds until she plucked up the courage to speak.

"You were so unhappy Amb." She started. "I wanted to make it better and couldn't think of any other way. I realise now this was so stupid but there's nothing I can do about it now."

Amber didn't respond so she continued.

"I just thought that if you could see each other again, then maybe you could put things right. I'm sorry, I was so stupid."

"I was fine!" Amber snapped. "I was over it!"

"No! No you weren't! I know you. You're my sister. You've not been yourself since you met him. When you were with him, you were a different person in a good way but now... Since he left, you've been so sad. Almost like you're asleep even though you're awake. I'm sorry. I guess that doesn't make sense."

Erin was crying again but Amber couldn't feel bad for her.

"No it doesn't. None of this does. You're just a kid Erin! How could you begin to understand any of this. You're just a stupid kid who has made a bad situation a whole lot worse. I hope you're happy!" Amber paused, knowing she'd been mean but far too angry to apologise.

"How did you know he'd be here?" She asked.

Erin took a while to answer and then did so cautiously.

"Dessa asked Rob for me where they'd be around now. Then it was pretty much just a case of getting Mum to agree to coming here."

"Dessa knows?! And Rob!" Amber almost shouted.

Erin nodded "Well, sort of. They knew what I was thinking of doing but they don't know that I pulled it off."

"You didn't pull it off Erin. You just made a big mess even bigger."

Erin dropped her head.

"I'll take the first train home tomorrow." Amber decided out loud. "You'd better just pray he didn't see us."

Erin looked up. "Don't go. Why don't you just try to talk to him. You might find things have changed"

"You have no idea what you are talking about! The reason we broke up in the first place can't change and it will just hurt us both to rake it all up again. In fact he might even have moved on. How silly will I look if he knows I'm here?" Another wave of nervous nausea washed over her. "I have to go."

She sprang off the bed and began to pack the bag she had only unpacked a few hours before. Erin watched her in despair, trying to think of something to say that could make the situation easier. She hadn't come up with anything when there was a knock at the door.

Their father peeked in, quickly surveyed the scene and then told Amber that there was a visitor for her.

Amber froze mid way from drawer to bag and both girls stared at the doorway their father had just occupied.

"What do I do?" Amber thought out loud. "I can't do this."

There was silence between them until Erin whispered. "I think you have to now."