Never As It Seems

Chapter 42

Amber lay beside Jay watching him stare at the ceiling. He'd been awake all night and so had she. Playing Miller's words over and over in her mind while she tried to fall asleep had almost driven her crazy. But worse was the total helplessness she felt. She'd done everything she could and yet at some point, and soon, Jay was going to be treated like a criminal and taken away from her. For how long, she dreaded to think.

Miller was a really nice guy and he had offered to stay as long as it took to answer all of their questions but Jay could see Amber was struggling to take the initial news in, so he asked him to come back in the morning. When he left, Jay saw him out and it took him a few moments longer than it would normally to come back to the lounge. Amber assumed he was trying to compose himself to be strong for her. And strong he was. When he finally returned, he sat beside her and held her while she wept. She felt like such an idiot. It was she who should be comforting him, not the other way around but everything was too much and the very real fear of losing Jay was overwhelming. They barely spoke after that, neither needing to. The enormity of the situation spoke for itself, so they just held each other.

Amber could see an inkling of daylight through the edge of the curtains and she got up to make coffee. Feeling the stiffness from a night on the couch, she stretched as she reached the kitchen. Looking out of the window and at the pool, she frowned at the thought that the last time she had used it was the first day Jay had come to the house.

"What are you thinking about?" Jay wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I was thinking about when we just got together and you came over and then did a runner on me." She turned to face him, still keeping his arms around her, "Is all of this why?"

"I just wanted to protect you from it all. To be honest, I didn't think I would ever break the conditions of my sentence." He laughed. "Well I certainly wasn't planning on it. The reason I walked away that day was because I felt like you were too good for me." He lowered his head. "I guess I still do."

She shook her head and smiled, placing a kiss on his nose. "You're perfect for me and what happened to you... both times was not your fault. Jay, whatever happens, you're still the same guy that went out to buy cranberry sauce that day." He dropped his head further. "No!" She said raising it gently with her hand. "You are Jay Burgess... my Jay... and you're just as smart and funny and sweet. Nothing's changed. You still have an amazing future ahead of you. We just have to get over this hurdle, whatever that ends up looking like. We'll get over it together. Okay?"

"But you shouldn't have to..."

"Okay??" She interrupted looking into his eyes.

"I love you." He responded and pulled her close.

When Miller arrived, they sat at the table in the dining room. Amber felt more composed having showered and woken up a little. She hadn't eaten, neither of them had. It just seemed like an unnecessary use of whatever time they may have together. Even so they didn't know what to do with their time and most of it was spent staring out of windows or into space. It was almost a relief when the doorbell chimed.

Jay was composed too. But then, he had been all along. Knowing him though, Amber could see the cracks in his defense. His eyes were distant and that muscle in his cheek was constantly at work. She grabbed for his hand and squeezed it under the table. She intended to take it away again, but he held on. Whether it was to encourage her or for the strength he needed himself, she didn't know, but the lump in her throat returned at the possibility of not being able to reach for his hand whenever she needed him.

"I guess there have been no miracles overnight?" Jay asked Miller across the table.

"No. This will be settled in court now, as I said last night."