Never As It Seems

Chapter 21

"You're cold." Jay rubbed at her hands.

Amber realised for the first time just how cold she was and her body shuddered. She nodded and Jay led her onto the bus. Matt had disappeared so she assumed he had gone upstairs to give them some space. Jay ran upstairs too, leaving her to wipe at her tearstained face and try and tidy her hair. He appeared a few seconds later with a blanket, which he threw around her shoulders. They looked at each other for a few moments, neither knowing what to say. Something in his eyes seemed different. She couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe he was just tired. It had been a pretty stressful night. He quickly made some tea and heaped the sugar in. He handed it to Amber and she smiled reminiscently.

"Sugary tea." She said taking it. He smiled back and they stood there awkwardly for a couple of minutes

Eventually he motioned towards the couch and sat down himself. She sat beside him and he put out his arm for her to curl up under. Once again she felt like she was home. How could that be after she had just found out he had been lying to her the whole time they had known each other? Her stomach twisted again at the thought but his hand caressing hers, calmed her again. She didn't care, she decided. There was no place in the world that felt more right to her than with Jay.

"I can't tell you how scared I was that I'd lost you." He said quietly.

She chuckled at the memory of what her mother had said and he pulled away slightly so that he could look at her.

"Why is that funny?" He asked, slightly offended at her mocking his vulnerability.

"Because I didn't think you could be scared of anything." She said.

This time it was his turn to laugh. "Baby you know I'm human right?!"

She smiled at him and reached out to squeeze his biceps. "I don't know..."

He smiled back at her and kissed her gently. When he pulled back and looked at her again, his expression was serious. "There are lots of things I fear. But none more than being without you."

Amber looked genuinely surprised. But somehow she was relieved that he was being more open with her. Maybe this had been exactly what he had needed and she knew she was not going to miss his uncomfortable looks. She had realised it when she was walking in the early hours, that she had always known he was hiding something from her. Somehow she had subconsciously chosen to ignore it. She wished this had all happened earlier though. It seemed cruel that he was finally being open with her, and in just over a week, he was leaving. At that thought, she felt herself lean into him closer. He responded by wrapping his arms around her again and they both fell asleep.

Amber stirred briefly when she heard Matt leaving the bus. She looked at Jay who was still fast asleep. He looked so peaceful and somehow vulnerable. That was something she had never seen in him until earlier that morning. Part of her liked it but another part of her wondered if he would be different now to the man she had fallen in love with. The man who had no fear or weak points. Looking at him now she could imagine what he would have been like as a child, when there were no defenses, just the real Jay. She mentally kicked herself. She loved Jay and it could only get better now that his self made walls were down. She drifted back off to sleep at the thought that Jay must really hate the fame thing too, to keep that part of his life from her. Why had she made such a big deal of it?

This time he was watching her. As she waited for her mind to clear out the sleep, she looked back at him, wondering what he was thinking. Those eyes never ceased to melt her and she felt her stomach do a little jump as the corners of his lips turned up into a smile.

"Hi sleeping beauty." He said, brushing some stray hair from her face.

"Hi." She beamed, still lost in his gaze.