Never As It Seems

Chapter 25

Erin stayed with her sister. She was there every spare moment. She would leave to go to school in the morning but when she got home, she would head straight for Amber's room. She even set up a little bed for herself on the floor. She would bring Amber food and talk to her about her day. Amber felt guilty for acting the way she was. She didn't really talk back to Erin and only picked at the food she brought. Her sweet sister, who had until now been disguised as an annoying teenager, never pushed Amber to talk and for that she was grateful. She was grateful for the company too.

It had been four days now and Amber was so frustrated at herself. She couldn't pull her mood up and when she found that there were no more tears left inside her, (some time around day two), she would just lay on her bed and stare at the ceiling. A few times she switched on the TV but she would never really watch it. Her thoughts were totally tied up in Jay.

She would wonder what he was doing, what he was thinking, whether he missed her. She spent hours on end coming up with all kinds of scenarios to explain what it could be that he wouldn't tell her. She tried to think of the worst things she possibly could to work out if she could still love him if they were true. She immediately threw out some of her worst scenarios, knowing that Jay wasn't capable of them and so coming to the realisation that no matter what, she couldn't stop loving him. In fact she would happily be with him, no matter what his secret was but she couldn't be with him if he wouldn't tell her. That was the one thing keeping them apart and there was nothing Amber could do about it.

She was mulling this over once again, giving in to the constant ache that her thoughts provoked, when there was a knock at her door. She quickly turned herself away and pretended to be asleep. It wasn't the first time she had done this in the last few days and although she felt bad for doing it, she just couldn't face anyone right now.

To her surprise she heard the door open. Usually whoever knocked, would leave when she didn't respond. She jumped at the voice, even though it was quiet.

"I'm not going away this time Amb."

Amber sighed and gave in. She turned over to acknowledge her friend and when she saw her, she felt another tug of guilt. She really shouldn't have avoided her calls and texts and visits. None of this had been her fault. She sat up and straightened her bed a little before pulling her knees up under her chin. She gave her friend a wry smile.

Dessa almost ran to the bed and threw her arms around Amber.

"You're such an idiot! Why wouldn't you just talk to me?" She nudged her.

"I'm so sorry." Amber gushed. "I've been in a bit of a mess."

"You don't say." Dessa chuckled, looking around the dark room.

She got up from the bed and walked over to the closed curtains. When she pulled them open, Amber cringed at the light that came streaming in. Before she could protest, Dessa was opening the windows.

"Right. You get in the shower and I'll find you some clothes." She ordered. "Then you're going to talk."

She didn't argue, knowing it was time to start living again. She had been surprised that it had hit her so hard in the first place and reasoned that was because she had never been in love before. If this was what a broken heart felt like, she'd much rather have a broken leg!

As the warm water caressed her skin she tried to pull herself together. As bright as she tried to feel, there was always the nagging ache and what felt like a gaping hole. A hole that Jay had filled so perfectly in her heart. It felt like he hadn't just walked away but that he'd reached inside and torn himself away from her. It hurt. More than anything she could remember. Feeling yet another tear leave her eye, she tried to convince herself it was just water from the shower. She shook away her thoughts and pinned a weak smile onto her face. Catching a glimpse of it in the mirror as she stepped out of the shower, she acknowledged that it wasn't very convincing. But it was a start and she had to start somewhere.