Never As It Seems

Chapter 45

The corridor of the Courthouse was cold. The early November weather outside had ushered in a wintry bite and the heating system inside the huge building was working at full throttle. However, the height of the ceilings and the foreboding stone walls, mixed with Amber's exhaustion and anguish gave her a chill inside that she couldn't shake. She had arrived before the doors were opened and had been waiting inside for half an hour already. She could have waited for her mother but she wanted to be there before Jay arrived, in case she could see him. Miller had said it might be possible but warned her not to get her hopes up. She had seen Miller once in the three and a half weeks since Jay's arrest and spoken to him on the phone the night before. He had been a great help in explaining the process of Jay's arrest, remand and finally his day in court, which was apparently more likely to be minutes than a day. He had also passed on messages from Jay, letting her know he was okay and telling her not to worry.

The weeks had dragged. Jay had thought of everything the day he handed himself in and by the time Rob and Dessa got her to the car and home, her family were there waiting for her, having received a call from Jay the night before. They took it in shifts, family and friends and never left her alone in the first few days. She was grateful for that and through what seemed like an endless amount of tears, she was able to begin to smile at Rob's jokes and the way he and Dessa so obviously cared for each other. At night though, with Dessa bunking in with her, she was always the last one to fall asleep and it was then that all the little flashes of thoughts about Jay from throughout the day, would crash in together. She would imagine him in his prison cell. She knew it wasn't cold and dark and grey, with water dripping off the walls, as she'd imagined before Miller had put her right but she was still terrified for him. What if he was in a cell with a murderer? He was in a prison with real criminals, who had really done bad things and Jay hadn't. Would he be safe? She knew he could handle himself if he needed to but she feared that if the need arose, it would look bad for his case. Because of this and knowing Jay, she imagined he would just take a beating and the thought of that was one of the things that caused her to soak her pillow with tears every single night before she fell asleep, only then to dream of those same fears. Sometimes though, she would have good dreams. Dreams where she and Jay were together and none of this crazy nightmare had happened. Those mornings she would wake up in tears, desperately trying to go back to sleep so that she could be with him again. It never worked though and her self-appointed bodyguards would be by her side the minute she showed signs of being awake. They had rejoiced with her when they noticed the ring on her finger, but it was short lived given the situation and it felt strange to celebrate their engagement without both of them there.

Sitting in the empty hallway, she smiled as she thought of her family. How far they had come in the few months since she had sat on the bench in the park at the beginning of summer thinking about them. She had never dreamed as she set out on her summer of independence from her mother's life in the spotlight, that she would spend most of that summer on tour with a band more famous than her mother ever was. She sighed as she thought of how she had planned to spend more time with her Mum and how actually, all she had done was fight with her. Despite the horrible situation with Jay, Sarah had become Amber's closest ally over the past few weeks and she was so glad of the new friend she had found in her. Although she hadn't yet finished her job as Mayor, Amber was looking forward to the time they were going to get to spend together when she did in a few weeks.

The front door opened and a man in his early sixties walked in and spoke quietly to the woman at the desk. He then walked along the corridor towards Amber and sat down beside her. They both stared at their feet, only looking up when people moved between the doors in the vast hallway. Eventually the man broke their silence.

"It's cold in here." He looked at her fleetingly.

"Yes. I was just thinking that." She responded with a polite smile.