I can't forget your eyes. - Taekook

3. Are you okay?

TH

What happened that day wasn't your fault. If we have to blame one of us, then we should blame me. 

***

JK

That was the second time I'd been to your apartment. It was very homely and warm and smelled like you. My favourite scent. I knocked at your door but you didn't open. I checked my messages again and tried calling you. When I was about to give up and leave you opened the door a little. I was relieved I found you safe. I was also relieved you opened the door for me which meant you weren't too angry with me.

"Here you are! I know I was late and I'm really sorry for that but why didn't you answer my messages or calls-"

"Kookie I'm not feeling well..."

I stopped talking and noticed how pale you were. You looked very weak and I worried you would faint. It was like you had seen a ghost.

"Taehyungie? What's wrong?" I was growing more and more worried by second because you were so quiet and... distant.

"Nothing, just go home. I'm sorry for ruining the date." You didn't look me in the eyes. You were avoiding my gaze, clearly hiding something. I needed to find out what so I could help you. At least I thought I could.

"I'm not leaving. I'm spending the day with you like I was supposed to", I said as I walked in. 

You sighted and closed the door. We went to your room and sat down on your bed. You didn't seem to have a flu and you would have told me already if you had. Then what was the problem if you weren't sick?

"Are you okay?" I asked carefully.

TH

I didn't know how to answer your question. Part of me wanted to avoid the subject and just say yes, I am. Part of me wanted to tell the truth and say no, I'm not. It felt like all the happiness we had gathered was falling apart. I didn't want to lie, I wanted to be honest. But I wasn't sure if we were ready to face the reality. I didn't want my past come to haunt me like this and certainly not us. I had been happy for once but now I was reminded of what had been the most painful part of my life. I didn't want to drag you into it.

Could things have gone differently if I chose the other answer? Did I make a huge mistake right here, in this moment? Could I have at least saved you from suffering? I guess it's pointless to ask what if.

I turned to look at you who were patiently waiting for my answer. I can't forget your eyes, reflecting confusion, worry and care. I didn't have it in me to lie to those innocent eyes.

"No. I'm not okay", I told you honestly. The second I admitted it I started crying. You didn't hesitate to hug me. I am grateful for that.

"Can you tell me about it?" you whispered and caressed my hair.

No. Yes. I shouldn't tell you. I have to tell you. You don't want to know. You deserve to know.

"Do I have to?"

"It's better to let it all out, I promise. I'll listen to whatever it is. I want to help you", you said. 

There was love in your eyes. Nothing else, just pure, selfless love. I can't forget that look in your eyes. You said it was better if I let it out but was it really? Were we mistaken?

"Alright. I will tell you. If you're ready, that is."

"I am ready", you were confident. But you weren't ready. 

***

JK

There was something you had not told me. Something in your past that still held you captive.

***