I can't forget your eyes. - Taekook

4. Ready or not

JK

"Alright. I will tell you. If you're ready, that is."

I gulped. You had never looked this serious. I had no idea what you were about to tell me.

"I am ready", I said confidently despite being a bit worried. I wasn't ready. Not even close.

"So I  dated this one guy before who's little older than me. It's been two years since then", you started slowly, voice shaking. You looked at my eyes worriedly. I started to get anxious. Were you going to say you still like your ex? I shook my head and hoped to get rid of my assumptions. 

"I see... What about him?" I asked breaking the silence that had followed. 

"I saw him at the amusement park gates earlier. I- I had to get away!", you were suddenly trembling and sweating all over and I pulled you into a hug again. I wanted nothing more than to comfort you even though I still didn't get the situation. 

"He's not...sane", you whispered and a cold shiver ran down my spine.

"What did he do to you?", I asked as gently as I could while stroking your tear-stained cheek. I felt like crying too. Part of me didn't want to hear the answer because it would surely break my heart. However, I wanted to share your pain with you so we could carry it together. I had been alone with my burdens all my life and I wished you wouldn't have to do that. I know you wanted to carry it alone but I wanted all of you, Tae. It doesn't matter if I'm hurt in the process.

"He... tried to drown me once", you said so quietly I barely heard anything. Maybe you didn't want me to hear.

I didn't know what to think or how to respond. Someone had tried to kill you? And not just someone, it was your ex boyfriend. It was a person who was supposed to want the best for you. I was both terrified and angry. 

TH

I couldn't tell you everything, it was hard to say anything in the first place. I didn't mention anything about my ex sweet-talking me and manipulating me, making me forgive things I should never forgive. I only told the one thing that actually mattered the most. For two years I hadn't been able to swim or take a bath. Showers were okay. I had mostly been able to spend my days without thinking about him but now that I saw him I... panicked. 

We were both quiet after I told you about my most painful experience. There were two emotions flashing in your eyes. Shock and anger. 

"What is his name? Why is he walking around freely after doing that to you? Was he about to touch you-" you suddenly burst out and spoke so loud my ears hurt. 

"Kook I'm safe now, okay? I don't think he even saw me. When I recognised him the memories just rushed in and I had to get away from there." 

I wasn't crying anymore. I was just trying to calm you down. Calm both of us down.

"WHAT IS HIS NAME?!" you yelled and I covered my ears. Suddenly the look in your eyes changed and the raging fire of hatred died down. At least it seemed so. 

"Sorry Tae, I shouldn't shout. I just-"

"No. Don't try to find him. I don't want you to do anything stupid."

I was scared. Scared that I would meet him again and scared that you would try to do something to him. I know you're strong love, but I couldn't risk your safety. Still... Maybe I should have told you his name after all. He's influential person whose name would make most of us shut up. I might have known somewhere deep inside of me that you wouldn't let that stop you.

"I get it", you sighted, "I'm really sorry Tae."

Then you let go of me and I wanted to cry again. It was cold when I wasn't in your arms anymore.

 I shivered at the thought of a world without you. Without you the ice would slowly cover the deepest parts of my heart. I will rather burn here with you.

***