Sincerely, Niall [z.h.] ✔

Monday June 10, 2013

Dear Zayn, 

    Therapy is just going downhill. Liam was there today, but he seemed distant and in his own little world. He didn't talk to me, just gave me a small smile as I walked in and a quiet 'goodbye' as I left. That meant that I had to talk to Ms. James today. When I asked her what was wrong with Liam, she just shrugged it off by saying, "he found out what happened to you on Friday and got upset." She set it very quickly, almost angrily, but I could tell there was more to Liam's actions then what she was letting on. However, I didn't say anything more in fear that I would upset her more. 

     She did ask about Friday, and when I told her that I thought that man-Nathan-was you, she snorted and muttered something under her breath that I couldn't hear. She didn't do much else except make comments to herself, too quiet for me to hear. It was quite frustrating, but what could I do? At least she wasn't screaming and yelling at me this time. I wondered if Liam would even notice if she started doing that, or if it would just go completely unnoticed by him. 

      Either way, Greg came to pick me up from therapy. He said that after taking me home of Friday, Louis had called him and told him to keep an eye on me. Speaking of Friday, Louis had spent nearly twenty minutes trying to get me out of that store. I had been stubborn, refusing to leave because going home would have been too painful after that day's events-not that I told Louis any of that. He got angry and just picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and carried me out to the car. He hadn't said anything for the rest of his visit, and I didn't attempt to make conversation. He was really mad for some reason, but I couldn't ask him. He left not even an hour later, saying something about how he had to get home to Harry. He called me later to apologise for his actions, telling me that one day I'd understand his behavior. 

      Anyway, back to Greg. He took me home and we watched movies together. About halfway through the third movie, his phone rang, and he left the room to answer. That's when Buttercup came and curled on my lap. She rubbed her head under my chin and curled up on my tummy. Her rough tongue brushed over my faint bruises, as if she thought she could make them go away by doing that. It made me smile a little as I stroked her soft ears. 

     When Greg came back into the room, his face looked grim. "Liam's not going to be attending your therapy sessions anymore," he had said as he sat down in the chair I have in the living room. "He said there's some personal issues about your case that he can't deal with, so he's not going to be there anymore. But Ms. James will still be there." 

      I nearly broke down right then and there. Liam is a therapist, he should be able to handle these kind of things. I felt sad that Liam wasn't going to be there, I had quite enjoyed talking to him. But I also felt mad. Didn't Liam care about me? Wasn't he supposed to help me get better? Greg must have been able to read my thoughts because the next thing out of his mouth was "You're angry at him." I had nodded my head sourly and he had gotten up to sit next to me. I didn't make room for him, so he was barely able to sit down without squishing me. 

     I then surprised him by asking him if he was mad at Liam, making sure to point out that he had been put through training for these kinds of things. To my own surprise, he shook his head. "No," he told me, "I understand why Liam backed out. Hearing out about Friday shook him up a little and made him realize how serious this situation is. I know it's a bit hard for you to understand why he stopped, but I promise that some day it'll become crystal clear." 

     I didn't understand at all. Why was everyone telling me that? "You'll understand soon." "It'll make sense some day." "You'll figure it out in the future." It made me want to scream, but I held it in and nodded instead, turning back to the movie. That was the end of our discussion, and I'm glad. I don't think I could have held my tongue if we had continued to argue. 

      By the time the fourth movie was over, I was pretty tuckered out, so I said goodnight to Greg and crawled into bed. He stayed on the couch downstairs. I lie in bed for many hours before realizing it was pointless to try and sleep when my mind was still spinning. So I got up and wrote this all to you. And while doing so, all I have to ask is this: 

    Is there something that everyone but me knows? 

I love you, Zayn. 

Sincerely, 

Niall