Sincerely, Niall [z.h.] ✔

Greg's Letter

Zayn, 

     I didn't know it was possible to hate someone as much as I hate you. Gosh, I hate you. I swear, if you were alive, I'd kill you. I'd kill you for hurting my baby brother like this. He loved you, and you knew that. Gosh, I hate you. Everything that's happened to Niall, it's all your fault. All of it. Makes you feel kind of guilty, doesn't it? Or should I say, more guilty? 

      I don't understand why you actually did this. I read your letter over and over, yet it still baffles me how stupid you are. I get it, you were overcome with guilt about crashing the car and messing up Niall's brain, but that isn't a reason to go and hang yourself over! Niall never did and never will blame you for that, and you knew that! I'm so disgusted with you right now. I hate you. 

      I don't think you fully understood the consequences of your actions, Zayn. What, did you think that once Niall found out he would cry for a day or two and then get on with his life? No, you idiot. He loved you with everything he had, and I know you loved him just the same. He needed you, you moron. And you shattered his heart. You were his support, and then you gave out. You're a coward, Zayn, and I hate you so much. 

      You have no idea what you made us do. You think your poor decision just affected Niall? Well if you did, you're stupid. It affected everyone, Zayn. It affected me, and Louis, and Harry, and my parents, and your family. Heck, it even affected people beyond that. It was such a hard call, Zayn. None of us knew exactly what to do when we found you hanging from the ceiling that day. I'm so thankful that it was us who found your body rather than Niall. You were such an idiot for killing yourself right in your own bedroom, where Niall could easily find you. 

     While Harry, Louis, and I discussed what to do with your body, we also talked about what we would tell Niall. We finally decided that we wouldn't tell him the truth, but instead, that you had gone missing. It sounded like a pretty good plan at the time, so we went with it. We had hopes that maybe Niall would eventually get over the heart break and move on with his life. Boy, were we ever wrong. I wish I could go back to that day and just tell Niall the truth.

     No, actually I wish I could go back and stop you from your foolish act. 

      Unfortunately, I was in charge of notifying your family of your passing, and they did not receive that news very well. They yelled and screamed at me. They cursed Niall. Heck, they even threatened to kill Niall because they were so upset. I knew they were empty threats, but it scared me nonetheless. I had to eventually tell them that they couldn't tell Niall what had happened to you, and they agreed to it. I've read Niall's letters to your pathetic self, and I see that we must have come off as cold and distant to him. But what could we do? We wanted to be there for him, gosh how we did. But we were all afraid that if we were around him for too long, we'd accidentally let your secret slip. 

      It was an unfair thing to do, avoid him, but we didn't want to hurt Niall. I guess we did, didn't we? Oh well, the past is in the past. 

      Niall recorded the day when I came over in my suit. I had horribly passed it off as a dance coming up, but that was far from the truth. No, I really had my suit on because I had just gotten back from your funeral and wanted to see my brother. Your funeral consisted of your family, mine, and Louis and Harry. It was a short funeral, and everyone cried. I even found it in myself to leave you a flower or two at your grave. 

     Speaking of, here's what yours said: 

Zayn Javaad Malk

January 12, 1993-April 1, 2013

Beloved son, friend, and lover 

      That's all we thought it needed. I was still mad at you, so I refused to let anyone add anything to it. I didn't, and still don't, think you deserve more than that. What you did was stupid and irresponsible, and I'll never forgive you for that.