Sincerely, Niall [z.h.] ✔

Sunday June 16, 2013

Dear Zayn, 

     I couldn't take the pain in my head any longer, so I called up Louis. However, Harry was the one to answer, saying that he and Louis had accidentally taken one another's phones. Those two are idiots some times. Anyway, I described to him my situation, and he told me that he would be over in ten minutes and to be ready to leave. He hung up quickly after that and didn't even say goodbye. 

     By the time he had gotten there, I was already dressed and curled up on the couch with your sweater on. Buttercup was on my lap and kept brushing her head against my thigh, as if she knew I was going to leave and didn't want me to. Gosh that cat reminded me so much of you. And speaking of you, while I was petting her head, I tried to imagine you grabbing my sweater as I tried to get out of bed in the morning. I tried to imagine your beautiful-brown?-eyes half closed in sleep. I tried to imagine your voice as you mumbled to me, begging me to stay and cuddle. Yes, I tried, but I found myself unable. The pain just exploded in my head, and when I heard the doorbell ring and stood to get it, the pain pulsed through my entire body. I think I saw stars, and I know I staggered a bit, because the next thing I remember was me crashing onto the floor with my head pounding and my body quivering. 

      I must've left the door unlocked because Harry was by my side a few moments later. Buttercup was, too, licking almost anxiously at my temple. It would have been cute if I could think about that in that moment. Or anything, really. The pain was unbearable and overwhelming. I passed out a few times because I remember waking up in Harry's car when I opened my eyes. And when I opened them again, I was in Harry's arms as he carried me into the doctor's. When I opened them for the last time it was because the doctor was softly calling out to me. 

      He helped me sit up and I realized that the pain in my head was gone. It was a huge relief, but at the same time it terrified me because I didn't know what caused it. Turns out that I didn't have to wait too long for my answer. When I had passed out the doctor had taken some scans of my brain and some other tests on my body. 

      He told me that due to you leaving me on such an awful note, it was causing a ton of stress of my body and mind. My mind especially. He said that because of the accident, my brain couldn't handle as much stress as the normal person, and that it was tearing up my mind as a result. What still remains, that is. So there's another reason to be mad at you for leaving me. The doctor-and Harry-told me that I should try my hardest not to think about things a lot. They said that they could give me some medicine that would help the pain if it came back, but they wouldn't be able to do anything more until he had a talk with some of the other doctors. 

     Harry took me back home after that and made sure I ate. He's so sweet, I'm glad he has Louis to take care of. He'll make a good father some day in the future by the way he tucked me into my bed when I could hardly keep my eyes open. Buttercup came and cuddled with me under the covers. I held her close and we both fell asleep together. I love that cat. 

     When I woke in the morning, Louis had joined us. They made me breakfast when I came downstairs, which was really just them popping poptarts down in the toaster. Despite it being the middle of June, I got some hot chocolate as well because I wasn't in the mood for milk. Anyway, we all sat down and ate breakfast together, Harry cracking stupid jokes every once in a while. Louis told him several times to shut up with the horrible jokes, but he had a giant grin on his face, so Harry didn't stop. I never laughed at them because they were really bad jokes, but also because I was thinking about you. 

     I've almost forgotten the color of your eyes. I've almost forgotten how red your lips can get after we kiss for a long time. I've almost forgotten the way our skin tones clash when we're tangled in the sheets together. I've almost forgotten the way it feels to be pressed against your chest with your strong arms around my tiny body. I've almost forgotten the way it feels when you press your lips against my skin, to have it flush pink and you laugh because my body has always been sensitive; especially to your touch. I'm afraid that in a few more weeks, I won't have anything to remember you by other than the guy who left me on my own. Zayn, please come home. I'm scared. 

I love you, Zayn. 

Sincerely, 

Niall