The Three Nonsense Questions

Kabanata 6: RICHARD

November 02, 2023

It's been five years since Freya died. I can see Paul from afar. I know he wouldn't let this day pass. I walked towards Paul. I can sense that he's been forcing himself not to tear up. His fists were tightly closed in front of Freya's graveyard. I took a few deep breaths.

"Paul..." I began.

I watched him wiped his tears before turning. We exchanged a bro's fist. I smiled a bit. He didn't smile back.

"Richard, kumusta?"

"Fine. I apologize for not showing up last year. I was busy with my company."

"Walang problema, pre. Alam ko namang may sari-sarili na tayong buhay. May balita ka na ba kay Ray?"

We both sat down in front of Freya's.

"None. I'm sure they'll visit today."

He nodded. We both stayed silent for a while.

"I've been thinking this for a long time, Paul. Why don't we investigate Freya's death again?"

Paul looked at me angrily. His fists were closed again. "Ikaw ang bahala...."

I creased my forehead. Has he lost hope? Does he really love Freya? I don't want to doubt him, but he shouldn't think that Freya can do that. Freya valued her life. I'm sure of that because she called me that night before it happened. I already told them that.

She sounded so weak back then. I thought she and Paul fought because I only heard her cries. I didn't want to ask her why, so I let it go.

That night, something's wrong with her. Freya's not the type of girl who keeps her emotions hidden and unspoken, especially her problems. She always seeks our help. My help.

"Paul, there's still hope that we would find out who killed Freya. Maybe, one of her respondents! We wouldn't know if we don't investigate."

I watched him seriously. I shook my head when he stood up and moved away from me. He's hurt. He'll always blame himself for Freya's death.

"Nagpakamatay siya, Chad. Tangina, hindi ako makapaniwalang ginawa niya 'yon. Nagkulang ba ako sa pagmamahal at sumuko na siya agad? Nagkulang ba tayo sa pagpapaalala sa kanyang nandito lang tayo sa tabi niya? Ganu'n na lang ba iyon?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that she may not have committed suicide?!" I exclaimed, frustrated.

Wide-eyed, he instantly grabbed my shirt. I could see the anger from his eyes. He's gritting his teeth as I faced him shocked and hurt. His fists were still closed. I know he won't punch me. We've been friends for a long time.

"Kung 'yan ang tingin mo...hindi na kita pipigilan. Sige, mag-imbestiga ka. Pero sinasabi ko na sa 'yo, Chad. She committed suicide, with no fucking reason."

With no fucking reason? I snorted.

"Maybe you just really don't know her...." I concluded.

He took off his hand on my shirt and turned his back on me. "Aalis na ako."

I watched Paul walked towards his car. I realized that pain could change a person. It's been a long time since we talk, but instead of uplifting our anguish—we let our pride win us over. I shook my head when I remembered the anger on his face. I couldn't deem that Paul continually believe that Freya committed suicide for no reason.

I sighed. I touched Freya's tombstone. It's sad that when she disappeared, the life of our once lively friendship was gone as well. It has lost its meaning. We were lost without her.