The Three Nonsense Questions

Kabanata 7: Research Respondents

I first saw the written Research Timeline. A small table is drawn. There are eight rows and three columns. 'Research Respondents,' 'Timeline', and 'Accomplished' are written above. The 'Accomplished' part was all checked. It means she finished her research. I've noticed the weekly timeline that began on September 2, 2019, and ended on October 8th.

I turned to the next page, Acknowledgement was written. I grinned when I saw our names.

"First of all, I'd like to swear and curse my three guy friends, Richard Agoncillo, Jet Gonzales, Ray Madriaga together with my boyfriend, Paul Suarez. They're very supportive that I wanted to puke. They always have my back whenever I needed them, more like moral support.

I wanted to express my gratitude to them for suggesting the three nonsense questions that I'll be asking on my respondents. I hope those questions will help me achieve my goals in this research. I hope for the best. That's all, thank you...."

I chuckled as I shook my head with disbelief.

We all loved Freya. I hated her when I saw her with both eyes—lifeless and hopeless. It's hard for us to continue living and have fun without her. I hated her, but Paul loathed her. It hurts all of us. My shoulders shook as tears fell. If I just helped her that night she called. I was too idiot.

"Damn."

I let out a deep sigh. I must get this together, for Freya.

I continued reading. I turned to the next page. Her first respondent, R.R. She asked the respondent on September 2, 2019.

Questions:

1. Kung mamamatay ka, anong dahilan at bakit?

Respondent's Answer:

Kung mamamatay ako, pipiliin kong masaksak. Siguro mas madaling mamatay ng ganoon, hindi ko pa kasalanan, hindi ba? Mapupunta ako sa langit sa madaling paraan.

2. Pwede ka bang magbahagi ng isang sekretong hindi mo pa nasasabi sa iba?

Respondent's Answer:

Hindi pa ako nagkakaroon ng girlfriend, pero nagsisinungaling ako sa magulang ko na kada linggo ay meron akong ka-relasyon.

3. Anong opinyon o masasabi mo sa climate change?

Respondent's Answer:

Wala akong pakialam doon.

Conclusion:

On this respondent's answer, I believe that my questions are nonsense. Still, I found the second answer to the second question interesting. Lying in his parents, huh? Therefore, I conclude that this respondent wanted an easy way out and doesn't care about others.

Obviously, her respondent was a guy. I shook my head, jealousy raging within me. I took a deep breath and read the next page.

Respondent: A. V.
Questions:

1. Kung mamamatay ka, anong dahilan at bakit?

Respondent's Answer:

Kung mamamatay ako, gusto kong mamatay na lang sa sakit. Siguro ay heart attack. Hindi gaanong masakit.

2. Pwede ka bang magbahagi ng isang sekretong hindi mo pa nasasabi sa iba?

Respondent's Answer:

Mayroon akong sugar daddy. Alam ng mama ko na nagtatrabaho ako para makapagbayad ako ng tuition, pero hindi niya alam na ang sugar daddy ko ang nagbabayad niyon. Wala akong balak sabihin sa kanya hanggat hindi ako nakaka-graduate.

3. Anong opinyon o masasabi mo sa climate change?

Respondent's Answer:

Hindi ko alam kung may magagawa pang paraan ang tao sa nangyayaring climate change.

Conclusion:

I, therefore, conclude that the respondent has the greatest and darkest secret. I'm kind of guilty because I included this question in this research, but I have no intention of exposing their answers.

I'm guilty too, I shouldn't have read this, but I need to. The answers were not important to me. I just need to know the relevance of this research in Freya's death.

Respondent: G. P.

Questions:

1. Kung mamamatay ka, anong dahilan at bakit?

Respondent's Answer:

Kung mamamatay ako, gusto kong mamatay sa sobrang pag-kain. At least nakakain ako bago ako mamatay.

2. Pwede ka bang magbahagi ng isang sekretong hindi mo pa nasasabi sa iba?

Respondent's Answer:

Hindi ko sinasabi sa boyfriend ko na buntis ako, at siya ang ama. Natatakot ako na baka hindi niya ako panagutan o baka gustuhin niyang ipalaglag ang nasa sinapupunan ko. Hindi rin alam ng magulang ko na buntis ako.

3. Anong opinyon o masasabi mo sa climate change?

Respondent's Answer:

Wala akong alam tungkol diyan.

Conclusion:

Secrets are getting heavier and darker. I swear to my respondent that I wouldn't tell anyone or expose the written secret. I couldn't help but feel disgusted wherever I read their answers. But I want to do this, I need to.

I winced at the conclusion. I don't know how she kept these secrets her respondent answered. It is against my will to read the next ones. Kung bakit kasi ito pa ang naisip naming tanong.

Respondent: D. C.

Questions:

1. Kung mamamatay ka, anong dahilan at bakit?

Respondent's Answer:

Kung mamamatay ako, gusto kong mamatay kasama ang minamahal ko sa buhay.

2. Pwede ka bang magbahagi ng isang sekretong hindi mo pa nasasabi sa iba?

Respondent's Answer:

I thought of suicide and tried to. But it didn't go according to my plan, so I'm here alive.

3. Anong opinyon o masasabi mo sa climate change?

Respondent's Answer:

Once it gets worse, kills us all.

Conclusion:

The answers literally gave me goosebumps. I'm glad that the respondent is still alive. He/she should be. Life is not something you can just give up easily by means of death.

Coldness rushed through my body. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself not to cry. Her conclusion totally blew my mind. Hindi ko namalayan ang pagkuyom ko sa pahinang iyon. 

Why did she write this when she did the fucking opposite? Does she really not want her life anymore? Aren't we good enough? Why did she easily give up her life?! 

It came back to me—Freya's cold body and her closed eyes that would no longer open. Ang pag-iyak naming apat sa harap niya. Ang araw-araw kong pagtatanong at pagkabaliw.

It's been five years; we should've moved in those years. But the fact that it's sudden, it's hard for us to accept it. I couldn't even accept that she's gone. I don't know why Paul didn't want me to investigate again, he really must've loathed Freya. I can't blame him, it hurts us. We still are.