In Front of the Mic

Chapter Twenty-One: My Little Secret

Tiffani POV:

(Three Days Later)

"Tiffani, what do you think about this beat?"

Em played it for me. I was listening, but I didn't feel anything. It's like I can't feel anything anymore. Since Shai left I've barely even had the energy to take a shower. The only reason I came to work was because Em convinced me. Something about keeping my mind busy or whatever... All I know is that I want my fucking brother back. I can't stop thinking about how this is all my fault. I've been so full of guilt that I can't even eat. Every time I try, I think about Shai and lose my appetite. He should out here having fun. I should be taking him to practices and telling him now to treat girls. Not visiting him in a hospital. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Eminem snapping his hands.

"Yo! *whistles* Are you fucking listening? I asked what'd you think about the beat?"

"Oh umm it's iight. Turn up the bass."

"What do you mean. The things damn near all bass."

"Haha I knew that. I mean turn up the snare. I can't really hear it."

He replayed the beat... Of course, the first damn thing I hear is the got damn snare.

"You were saying?" He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, it's fine. Umm who's this for?"

"One of Def Jams artists I think his name was August or something crazy."

"Oh. Ok whatever. Let's just get this over with. I wanna go home."

I slouch down in my chair and put my elbows on my knees and hold my head.

"Still upset about Shai?"

I nodded. What the fuck does he think?

"Look Tiff, you gotta keep moving forward. You need to be strong for you and your brother."

"I know, but it's all my fault I should've never listened to Chris."

"You know it's not fair to blame Chris either. How could either one of you know he was gonna get into a car wreck?"

"I don't blame Chris."

"Then why did you break up with him? Usually I'd have to listen to all the reasons why I need to  let you off work early just so you can be with him. What's really going on here?"

"I just don't wanna be another hassle in his life. He has so much going on between his job, the media and all those bitches he hangs around... I can't put him through anymore."

"I still don't get it."

"Since Chris and I got together I've had to face court, raise my brother and now look... He's in the hospital. This is a lot for me and I don't have to go through half the shit he does. I guest I just have to face the fact that maybe he and I can't be together."

"Shouldn't you let him make that decision for himself rather than telling him?"

"He made that decision when he walked out of the hospital room. If he wanted me, he'd fight for me. If he doesn't.. I don't want him."

He looked at me like I was speaking another language.

"You're so damn stubborn."

"What? Why?"

"I'm sure Chris tried to change your mind, but you still said no. Now that you know I'm right you're making up excuses."

"Shut up, you don't know what happened, but I do. Chris and I are done... End of discussion."