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Chapter 40: A Big Mistake And Some Heartbreak

Cameron's POV

 

I had just dropped my mom and Sierra off at the airport. They were only in California for two days before heading back to Chicago. I was reluctant to let them go. They really made me feel like I belonged again.

I arrived at home to see Matthew sitting outside my apartment door. He stood up when he saw me.

"Hey Matthew what are you doing here?" I asked. This was odd of Matt, he'd usally call before coming over, unless it was an emergency, which I assumed this was.

"Can I come in?" He quickly asked. He looked upset. Well, not entirely upset, he looked worried. He looked very worried for some reason. I nodded and unlocked my apartment door, letting Matthew in and then locking it behind me. Matthew sat on the stool behind the kitchen counter. His leg was shaking and he was biting his nails. He looked at me with immense worry in his eyes.

"Matthew dude what is wrong?" I asked. Matthew took a deep breath. "When was the last time you spoke to Nash?" he asked. What? This was weird. What does anything have to do with Nash. Wait, what if he's hurt.

"Three and a half weeks ago why?" I asked. I had given up on trying to contact Nash and I didn't expect him to contact me, which he didn't.

If Nash were hurt or in a critical condition it would be all over Twitter.

And then it hit me. My mind started racing and I felt tears welling up.

"He's back with her, isn't he?"

Matt didn't say anything, as if confirming the answer to my question.

My breathing started to increase. He is seriously doing this. Again. My heart couldn't take it.

"But how... At Taylor's didn't he make it clear that-"

"He spouted her some bull shit and she forgave him." Matt said while his voice increased. He clutched a piece of paper in his hand. "Cameron, I am this close to going over there and beating the shit out of him!" he screamed.

"No." I said simply. I could feel the tears dripping out of my eyes. "Don't. It's his choice. If he wants to live some bullshit lie then that is his decision. I just can't be in his life anymore." I said. Matt gave me a smile and came over to me and gave me a large hug. "I'm glad he's happy okay." I said. Matt nodded.

"How are you and Carter?" I asked desperately trying to change the subject.

A deep shade of red appeard on Matt's face. I smiled too. "I'm happy for you Matt." I said. Matt smiled. "Thanks Cameron." he said.

I tried my best not to show the immense heartbreak that was swelling up inside of me.

"Would you like me to stay over tonight?" Matt asked. I looked over at him. I nodded while tears formed in eyes and I scrunched my face up just to prevent anymore tears from coming out.

Matt rushed over to me and unglued me in a gigantic hug.

"It's going to be okay Cam." Matt repeated over and over again. I reseted my head in his neck. The tears kept coming now. I felt my breath hitch every time I took in a breath.

I pulled apart from Mathews hug. I looked up at him. I had never realized how beautiful he actually was. Maybe this was just my sadness talking but I didn't care.

We stood in the poorly lit living room. His arms still around me. And then, he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine.

I know what we're doing is wrong. I know that. But I just needed to feel something. I just needed to feel like someone actually loved me.

I pressed my lips hardly against his and he responded with equal passion. He gripped my waist harshly and that caused me to gasp. He took this opportunity to stick his tongue in my mouth. Out tongues battled for dominance, he won in the end.

I hated to admit this but Matt was a good kisser, he was a great kisser.

We pulled apart, looking directly in each others eyes. "Make me forget about Nash." I said in a low whisper.

Matt hesitated for a second before lunging at me again and reattaching our lips. "Jump." he whispered. I obeyed and jumped. My legs wrapped around him and his hands gripped my ass. Our lips never parted.

He carried me over to my bedroom. Kicking the door open. He threw me on my bed and started kissed me again.

He lifted up my shirt and tossed it on the floor. He trailed small kisses down my torso. I lifted his head up and kissed him firmly again.

He lifted up his shirt and threw it off while he fiddled with the hem of my jeans. Our lips met each others again and he slipped my jeans down and off me.

He got on top me and stared kissing down my neck. Probably leaving a mark. His hand was rested on my v-line. He looked up at me as if asking permission just to make sure. I nodded and he slipped my boxers off.

My eyes started to water at the realization of what I was actually doing.

"Tell me you love me." I said while tears dripped down my face. "Tell me I'm special."

Matt brought his head back up to mine and kissed me firmly. "I love you." Hesaid in the kiss. "You're special Cam." he said softly. He wiped the tears from my face and kissed me once more.

"Must I go in slowly or all at once?" he asked while kissing me again.

"All at once." I said. I wanted to feel pain. I deserved to feel pain.

Matt nodded and turned me over. He slipped down his boxers and positioned himself at my entrance. He slowly pushed in. I cried out in pain.

My breathing started to increase as Matt moved in and out. All I could think of was Nash.

After a few seconds I started to feel pleasure. But it wasn't good pleasure. What I was doing was wrong. What we were doing was wrong. So so wrong.

I felt as if I were cheating on Nash, even though he was probably fucking Lia anyway. Tears started pouring out at the thought.

"I want you to love me why can't you love me!" I screamed out.

Matt quickly pulled out and pulled me into a large hug. He carefully held me as I cried. "I just want you to love me." I said over and over again, until I fell asleep in Matthew's arms.

//

A sliver of bright light hit my face, causing me to wake up. For the next few seconds I was blissfully unaware of the events that took place last night. And then it hit me.

Stupid Cameron. Stupid! How could you! You've ruined everything!

I looked over to the other side of the bed. It was empty. Matt had left. That hurt for some reason. But then again, everyone leaves me eventually. I got up and looked for a note. I prayed to God that Matthew had left a note and not just left me.

I looked around my room, nothing.

I walked into the kitchen and saw an envelope laying on the counter. It had my name written on it in cursive writing. Next to it was a small note that had Matthews handwriting on it. 'Their parents gave consent." I didn't understand what it meant. I looked over to the envelope, I quickly opened it.

"Dear Cameron,

You have been invited to join us as we celebrate the early marriage of Lia Marie Johnson and Hamilton Nash Grier."