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Chapter 83: Breaking Point

Jack J's POV

Jack, standing there with his heart on his sleeve and me just standing there, trying to understand what is happening. Jack just wants to be out. Open before I'm even sure I need to come out. I still have no idea what I am, who I love. I'm not close to deciphering all my feelings for Jack.

It's too fast, it's all happening too fast.

Instead of answering Jack I just fumble backwards until I hit a corner and then take off, leaving Jack. I cringe at how Jack must feel. He must hate me. I would hate me for leaving him like that. Right after he told me how much he loves me.

I run a couple of blocks till I hear a voice. I turn around expecting it to be Jack. It isn't though.

It's Annabelle.

"Where are you going?" Annabelle calls after me. I assume she's the only one who saw me nearly run out of the building. I don't slow down at her words. She takes this as a hint to speed up and chase me. Cant she take a damn hint that I'm trying to get away.

"I need to go." I call behind me.

"What's wrong?" She asks, jogging up to me. I sigh, I don't really want to say. Not because I don't want anyone to know about Jack and I (even though I don't). But because I just can't be here anymore. Everything is moving too fast.

"I just, I need to go." I answer again. I run off, not expecting her to follow me, but she does.

"What are you stalking me now?" I yell back at her trying to scare her off. Can't she just see that I don't want to see anyone right now? She stops a few feet from me and stares at me.

"Something's wrong." She says still keeping her distance from me. "How much have you had to drink?" Something about that set me off.

"I'm not drunk!" I yell.

"I just.. I can't be here anymore alright?"

"Let me drive you at least." She offers.

"I'm not fucking drunk okay!" I yell again.

"I know. I just want to take you home okay?" she asks still keeping a safe distance from me. She carefully takes my hand and pulls me to her Camry. I let her, I've just now realized that I would have to walk home if I didn't. Then it dawns on me that I'm only about a mile away though. I let her take me though.

"So why do you need to leave?" Annabelle asks as we leave the parking lot.

"It's just complicated." I answer trying to block all the thoughts of Jack out of my head. If I think of his face as I ran I might just breakdown.

We pull up to my house.

Acting on instinct I lean over and kiss Annabelle. Suddenly I feel that happy feeling spread across my body. It's a nice kiss sweet, like honey. But not as intense as when I kiss Jack. But that fire still starts in my stomach, wanting more kisses. Wanting to be closer to Annabelle.

I deny the beast though and pull away from Annabelle who is now blushing scarlet. I'm burning up too and I can't help but look at the ground.

"What was that?" She asks with a grin now on her face. I shrug.

"A test." I answer.

"Did I pass?" she asks with a laugh. She probably wouldn't if she knew what I was testing.

"I don't know. Maybe." I admit. I thought that maybe it would clear things up. It would set me straight as gay or straight. But I still enjoyed the kiss with Annabelle, almost as much as Jack. Now I'm only left with more questions than answers.

I quickly kiss her once more before leaving.

When I reach my room I collapse onto my bed, exhausted from the events of today. Jack's explanation...hit me somewhere. It emerged feelings inside me that were overwhelming. And pushing me to come out, before I even know what I am myself is too far. Too far, too fast. Maybe I'm not even gay. Maybe it's just hormones or something and I don't really like Jack. Or maybe I'm being a pussy again.

It's too much. It's too much to think about. I close my eyes and relive Jack speech again. He remembered that from so many years ago, I didn't think much of it back then. I thought I was being a good friend. I was helping a friend. But did I somehow give Jack the impression that I was gay back then? I don't think so, or did Jack just come to his realization of love on his own.

Why? Why did he have to love me? Why did he have to go and kiss me? Why did he have to infect my thoughts? My dreams? My everywhere? Why do I keep thinking about him?

Something buzzes and relieves me from my inner turmoil. I look at my phone and see Jack's picture, a picture we took together not too long ago. Just us smiling, did he love me back then? He must have, but was he obsessing over it like I am now?

I don't pick up. I let it ring, over and over until it just stops. I can't face him, not after I ran like that. A part of me doesn't ever want to see him again, and yet another part wants to pick up and apologize profusely. I can't handle these mixed feelings anymore.

The phone starts to buzz again but I just set it on my chest. I take comfort in the buzz. If he's calling at least he doesn't completely hate me. Some part of him must still care, even though I don't deserve it. So I let the phone buzz until it inevitably stops. Then it just starts buzzing again, over and over again.

//

QOTD: ever got caught cheating on an exam?

- yeah my Xhosa exam. I knew nothing. I still got 14% because they let me start over. Idk how I even got 14% that language is hard af.