•Benefits• {cash} {boyxboy}

Chapter 42: Sting

Cameron's POV

I slowly but steadily dragged the blade across my skin. It felt so good, so soothing. Why hadn't I tried this before? It was a feeling that you could never imagine, the stainless steel dragging through your flesh.

It was almost beautiful. For once, I was in control of the pain I felt.

Before, I thought this was stupid. Just some way people would try to get attention. I never thought something like this could be so addictive.

It made me feel like me again. The burning sensation was overwhelming. I loved it. I loved every second of it.

I loved the feeling of it dragging across my skin, I loved the feeling of the small drops of blood running down my arm and I loved the stinging sensation you got when you were in the shower and your cuts got wet. I just loved it.

I loved the feeling of just knowing that they were there. It was a sense of comfort.

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but there was no other way I could handle everything that was going on. I needed this.

I had read that invitation countless times. I didn't know how to react; I didn't know how to feel. So, instead I just did this. Over and over again until the pain left. That's the thing about this. This was a temporary solution to a permanent problem. I needed a permanent solution.

After my incident with Matt, things were weird. He'd text me every now and then but from the way things looked we were acting as if nothing ever happened. And I was okay with that. I had no feelings for Matt whatsoever, other than friendship.

I wasn't so sure about Matt though. I did however know that Matt cared for Carter a great deal and he wouldn't be taking this so well.

The only logical reasoning I could put behind why we did what we did was because I was lonely and upset. I think that I held all this anger and hurt that Nash had caused me and it all just came out.

I never thought Nash would stoop this low though. It feels as if he enjoys making me sad, upset and angry. Like he feeds off it like some kind of parasite. It felt as if this whole wedding was just some way to make me feel like a piece of shit.

Nash and Lia's wedding was set for next week Saturday. I was confused about my feelings. I was upset but then again Nash was supposedly my best friend. I wasn't sure if I should show up or not. I know that going and supporting Nash would be the best thing but I just couldn't. I couldn't accept the fact that after a petty fight he'd go off and get married. This is why I constantly forgave him. I knew that if I ever stood up to him in slightest he'd leave me and that is what I was avoiding.

I had cut myself 23 times. Each spaced the exact same distance from each other. I couldn't stand if they weren't perfect. They had to be perfect.

I had also not slept. I couldn't. I know that I must've gotten some sleep at one point but don't recall it.

My phones loud ringtone suddenly filled the air. I rushed over and picked it up. "Cameron!" The voice said. It took me a moment to realize it was my manager. "Hey." I quickly said. "Cameron, you have an appointment with the guys for Aeropostale this afternoon. I sent this through on email a while ago but I'm calling just to confirm. You will be there right?" he asked. He always spoke as if he was in a rush, I guess that's just the job. "Yeah, I'll be there." I quickly said.

Despite the fact that Hayes, Carter and Nash would be there, I couldn't bail out. This was work. This was important. I couldn't screw this up. I just had to man up and go. I didn't want to see Carter because I wasn't sure if Matt had told him or not. Even though it was highly likely that Matt didn't tell him, I would still feel guilty.

I didn't want to see Hayes because he reminded me to much of Nash. And I didn't want to see Nash for obvious reasons.

"That's good. I'll see you there then." My manager said while hanging up.

I looked out of the window. The sun was blazing hot. There was no way I would get away with wearing a long sleeve. Panic quickly ran through me. I didn't own enough bracelets to cover it up.

Maybe if I constantly held my arm against me or away from anyone else they wouldn't see. Yes! That's it. That'll work. They won't see. They will not see. I will not let them see.

I quickly checked the time on my phone. I only had about four hours till I had to be there.

I put down my phone and picked up my blade and continued dragging the blade across my skin.