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Chapter 46: All Or Nothing

Cameron's POV

I looked at him in shock. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect that at all. Nash's dad didn't come off like that at first. But after I saw the bruises on Nash the last time, I just assumed that he was homophobic. I never thought he'd try to seriously injure anyone over something so petty. I suddenly felt incredibly guilty. For everything I did. For how I reacted to everything. For cutting. For being fucking pathetic. I didn't even know the whole story.

If only I knew. None of this shit would have happened. First of all, I wouldn't have slept with Matt. And I know that Carter will find out eventually. And when he does... Carter won't take it well and Matt will be broken. I know how much Carter means to him. And I know Matt did what he did out of pity for me, at least that's what I hope.

I know that I need to tell Nash before shit hits the fan. Because if Nash finds out from anyone else other than me, things could get bad. And I don't want things to get bad. Things can't get bad. Not again. I will not let it get bad again.

This is an opportunity for Nash and I to be together again. To be together properly. If we work something out. And I'm not willing to give that up. I will not.

"Why didn't you tell me Nash?" I questioned. I cannot believe he kept this from me. So much heartbreak could've been spared. So much.

He was about to say something but he hesitated. He had tears coming out of his eyes. "I don't know Cam. I just wanted you to be okay. He would've hurt you Cam. I did what I thought was right. I know it ended up hurting you and you don't know how much I regret it Cam. I never wanted you to hurt. It was never my intention. I just do stupid things sometimes and I don't think of others. I can't stand hurting you anymore Cam. I can't let you hurt yourself because of my stupid actions. Because I make stupid choices and decisions. You don't understand. That hurts me more than it hurts you." he said while pointing to the cuts on my arm. My heart leaped. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to feel. I couldn't process what he was saying.

"Do you love me?" I asked slowly. I needed to know. I needed to know the truth.

Nash looked up at me. His lip was trembling. He looked at me in a way that I've never seen him look at me before. "More than anything Cameron. More than anything. And it fucking terrifies me." he said while walking closer to me. My breathing started to increase. My heart started to do weird things. I felt like my heart was going to implode.

"The reason I don't want to come out is because I'm not gay and I'm not straight. I'm only attracted to you. I've only ever been attracted to you. All the other times, all the other people. They meant nothing." he said while leaning in.

He intertwined our fingers. Electricity ran through my body when our hands touched. I could tell he felt it too.

"Stand up to them Hamilton. If this is what you want." I said motioning to the two of us. "Then you have to say something." I said softly. Nash shook his head and pulled his hand from mine. "You don't understand Cam. I can't." he said while backing away.

I will not let him get away this easily. This isn't over. We aren't over. I will fight for this. I will fight for us.

I walked up to him and grabbed him by his neck. I smashed my lips into his. It took him a moment but he started to kiss back. The kiss was amazing. It was unlike anything I've ever felt. It felt better than kissing Matt. It was almost magical. I can't be without Nash for so long. I needed him. I needed him like I needed air. And I know that he needs me too. I know he's not lying this time.

I quickly pulled away. "Yes you can Nash. You have to. For yourself Nash. For me. For us." I said. Nash grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close to him.

He took a deep breath in. "We'll figure something out okay. You and me. I'm not letting this go. I'm not letting you go. Ever. Not again." he said while resting his forehead against mine. I leaned in and pecked his lips. He looked down at me and took my arm. "Cam." he said slowly. I could feel more tears running down my face. "I'm sorry Nash. I just didn't know how to deal with everything. I was so overwhelmed with the wedding and you leaving me and I just...I am so sorry..." I said softly. I felt so pathetic.

Nash brought his arm up to mine. "Next time you want to cut, cut me instead." he said softly. My eyes widened. Was he fucking insane? "Are you insane Nash! I could never hurt you like that!" I yelled. Nash paused. "That's how it feels when you do this to yourself. I'd rather have you do it to me than yourself Cam. It breaks my heart Cam. It breaks my heart." he said. I could see tears streaming out of his eyes.

"Never do this again." he said while wiping the tears from my face. He cupped my cheek. "Promise?" he asked while leaning in. His lips touched mine. I smiled in the kiss. "I promise."

"You and me Cameron. You and me." He said while bringing his lips to mine again. He pulled away from the kiss and intertwined both our hands. He rested his forehead against mine.

"Forever."