phone calls // mgc

fourteen // confessions

it's been 2 long terrifying months without ella. i barely sleep, i barely eat and calum is constantly in my head. he's right, he never goes away. i'll always be fucked up. ella's disappeared, and i remember her telling me she wouldn't do that. i hope she's okay. i hope she's in her bedroom, laying in her bed, and listening to her favorite band. all i want is for her to be okay.

i feel like a monster. did i kill my dad? no. i know i didn't kill my dad, he may have been a dick but he was still my dad, and i love him. i miss him a lot too. i miss my mom. she's a vile woman, and she doesn't deserve to be missed, but i miss her everyday. i miss all the people who have left me. i just wish the people who i let get close to me would stop leaving, and just treat me normally.

i always have urges to cut myself, or drink myself sick, or get so high that i can't even remember my own name, or fuck some girl who i don't know and don't love. i want a distraction from everything. ella was my distraction, but now she's gone. when calum leaves me for a little bit it's just silent, and nothing but myself battling my thoughts. anxiety. depression. panic. suicide. sometimes quiet is violent.

my phone started to go off. i got excited, and looked at the name. there she was. ella. it was ella. my mind was set free.

michael: h-hello?

ella: m-m-michael, i am so sorry.

she sounded weak, and like she's been crying.

michael: are you okay?

ella: michael, are YOU okay? i got all your voicemails, and i-i feel terrible for not being there, michael. i'm so sorry. you're okay now, and i love you.

michael: where were you? i thought you were gone, and i was so worried about you. i love you too.

ella: i'm h-here now, right?

michael: ella! stop avoiding the damn question! what happened to you? are you okay?

she broke down. i wanted to hold her, and just sing to her. like that one night that we sang our favorite song lyrics.

michael: ella?

ella: no, i'm not okay. i've never been okay since i was 5 years old.

michael: what's wrong?

ella: i was at the hospital, michael. for those 2 months i was at the hospital.

michael: why?

ella: i was diagnosed with lung cancer when i was 5 years old. i've had so many surgeries, and have had to stay in the hospital for long periods of time. the homeschooling thing was true, but it was because of me being too sick not bullying.

my heart shattered into a millions pieces. i wanted to cry, but i felt like i had no tears left. ella is such a beautiful person, and she deserves to be happy. not to suffer.

michael: w-why didn't you tell me?

ella: i didn't know you that well, and i didn't want you to run away i guess.

michael: you found out about my schizophrenia? you didn't run away? why would you think i would?

ella: i don't know, i'm sorry i didn't tell you.

michael: are you okay now? you're out of the hospital?

ella: not exactly. the do-

she got cut off by her own sobs, and she was silent for a moment.

ella: i'm sorry. the doctors are only giving me a week to live, michael. i'm at home, because they want me to be comfortable enough for death.

i started crying, and i felt numb again. she doesn't deserve this. she's so beautiful, and sweet. i can't lose her. she doesn't deserve to die. she deserves to grow up, and go to college. get married. make a family. she has so much to live for, and now it's being taken away from her.

michael: e-ella, i'm so sorry. i love you so fucking much. i love the sound of your voice. your giggle that could make someone feel better in an instant. your bad jokes, and you. i just love you.

ella: i love you too. you're so sweet and amazing. i love how emotional you are, and not like other guys. i love your love of video games. i love your music taste. i love how you compared us to violet and tate. i love every single one of your american horror story references, and you. i just love you too.

michael: it all started with a wrong number, and now i'm completely in love with you.

ella started crying again, and i cried too. we just cried for about 5 minutes. even when she's crying she's beautiful.

ella: you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and thank you for being the person that you are, michael.

michael: thank you for not giving up on me like everyone else did, and for loving me.

ella: i can't do this anymore, it's too hard. before i go, i want to tell you something important.

michael: yeah?

ella: go get help, michael. better medicine. actual therapy. find a beautiful girlfriend and be happy. you will be happy, michael. i promise you. fuck calum. fuck the people that left you. fuck mental illnesses. fuck cancer. be happy.

the tears never stopped. i did want to be happy, and not live in a trapped bubble anymore. i wanted ella, but i just have to let go.

michael: i love you so much.

ella: i love you too, and i always will. we will see eachother one day. 

THE END

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holy fucking shit first off if someone comments and says that i stole the lung cancer thing from tfios i will find u and hunt u down but anyways it's oVER AND IM SO EMO ABOUT IT LIKE IM EMO ABOUT MY OWN STORY AND PLUS ITS CURRENTLY 1 IN THE MORNING AND I ok there will be a epilogue posted in a few minutes i love you guys so much ;D