s e e i n g b l i n d

a l e x a n d e r

its been a month and everyday i still go to his grave to talk to him, i tell him about everything and have everyone's doing, it hurt's a lot, because i know he won't respond but i know he tries to, i know he didn't want to leave all of us, this wasn't his fault, the way he lived his life was perfect, we were going to graduate as juniors, he was top of his classes and captain of the lacrosse team, he also had a great relationship with the man of anyone's dream, he was living like a normal human and some homophobic bastard killed him without knowing who he was or what he was going to accomplish, fuck them

today i didn't go to his grave, instead i sat at home and thought about why he left, i prayed for a month that he would walk back through my door, i started looking through memories in my head and some on my phone, i scrolled passed a picture of us after we came out to each other, we laughed louder than we thought was possible when we both thought the other was the straight twin, but no, i guess we were so much alike that we liked boys together too

as i was looking at the picture i remember the events from that day and how it all went down

{flashback}

it was two days after caelum and i's big 16th birthday party and we were sitting in our room quietly, the party was crazy, maybe a bit too crazy but we managed to get out alive, our parents thought that since we were 16 and "mature" we'd find girls at the party to fall in love with, but of course we didn't, well i didn't at least, i was what they called a homosexual, and girls weren't my type at all

i got my thoughts cut off when caelum cleared his throat and started talking to me

 "hei alexander, jeg må fortelle deg noe"

i looked at him and smiled, we hadn't talked in a while and i thought it was the perfect time to tell him what i wanted to say

"you can tell me anything, i actually have something to say too"

he smiled and pulled out a rainbow flag from under his pillow

"jeg er homofil"

i smiled and grabbed my rainbow bandana and put it on

"jeg er homo også"

we stared at each other for a few seconds before erupting into a fit of laughter and in that moment, i knew it was me and my twin brother forever

{end flashback}

the memory reminded me of a lot of things i had experienced with him and most of them were really good, we didn't hate each other and we rarely got into any fights with each other, of course as we got older we had our own sense of styles, caelum was always the bad boy and based his style off of unge leonardo dicaprio who he aspired to be, my style was more laid back, but a lot more gay, i didn't base it off anything, i just chose what i felt comfortable in

as time passed throughout the day i didn't realize that i hadn't seen anyone today or talked to anyone, so i got dressed, thomas talked about going over to nicks while harrison was out of town and daniel wanted to rest all day, so i decided to walk over to nicks house

when i got there i rang the doorbell slowly not wanting to knock because i had no energy, when the door opened i saw thomas with nothing but boxers on, he was sweating and looked nervous

"alexander? hva gjør du her?"

i looked him up and down, but not in the good way before i could speak again, nick walked up to the door with nothing but boxers on and he looked like he was sweating a lot, thomas went to grab my hand but i pulled away

"er du jævlig alvorlig? lurte du på meg med min beste venn?"

i couldn't believe him, a month after the most tragic thing happened and he cheats on me with my best friend

"alexander, its not what it looks like, i promise"

i stared at him in disgust and looked over at nick

"tell me the truth nicholas"

nick shook his head and mouthed a sorry, i looked back to thomas in rage

"Jeg kan ikke tro at du jukset på meg med min beste venn bare en måned etter at det verste som muligens kunne skje meg, skjedde"

thomas looked sorry, but i knew he was the one who started it, nick would never do this to harrison, but he gave in

"vent til jeg forteller Harrison"

by now nick had left us alone and he went and cleaned up, thomas just stood there, he knew what he was doing and after everything i still didn't get a sorry, but i didn't need one, i knew he wasn't sorry, i smacked his hands away from me and turned away to leave, i needed to call harrison

"wait alexander don't leave, Jeg elsker deg"

i looked at him, all the anger and sadness and confusion rushed through me, i lifted my hand up slowly and then quickly smacked him across his face

"jeg burde aldri ha stolt på deg, i was a fool"

i wiped the tears from my face and started walking away, hearing nicks door being slammed shut, i didn't know what else to do so i ran to my house, pulled out my phone and called harrison

.

"hei alexander, jeg var akkurat på vei tilbake til byen, hva skjer!"

i let out a shaky breath as i was about to tell my best friend, horrible, awful news, again

"harrison, something happened, come to my house when you get back, do not go to nicks"

...

a/n: i feel like most romance stories i make always have sad stuff and drama but everything works out in the end now, i wanted to make this book really interesting to all audiences so it doesn't just seem like another fanfiction story