DELICATE ★ JENLISA

Chapter 4

I didn't go to school the next day. I couldn't. I could barely even move.

I couldn't have been more grateful that Charles was gone when I woke up that morning. I was still on the floor in the living room, but a blanket was draped over my legs and there was a pillow underneath my head. I could only guess it was Cate, and I suddenly felt bad for being the reason that she had to take him into the bedroom. I knew she had been putting it off, and if I wasn't there for Charles to beat up, she wouldn't have felt the need to come to my rescue.

That was why I hated letting people into my life. Even if it was Cate and she'd brought me into Charles home in the first place, it was my fault that she tried to pull him off of me, and it was my fault that she had finally given him what he wanted. Of course they were married, and she'd brought it upon herself by attaching herself to the guy, but I heavily doubted that she knew he turned into a raging lunatic after a few drinks when she married him. With the events of last night still flooding my mind, I told myself that this was why I couldn't let Jisoo in. I couldn't become friends with Jisoo, or Rosé, Matty, or Zac, because I didn't want any harm to come to them. It would be my fault and I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Yet I knew that when I went into school the next day and Jisoo offered me a seat at the lunch table, I would take it.

I called Dave, and though it was a really bad impression to be calling in sick on my second day, I think he understood. He'd seen me doing my job to my utmost capability, and I think he knew that I'd be there if I could.

When I woke up on Thursday, I looked just as bad. My body ached and though the area around my left eye wasn't completely black, it was definitely bruised. I decided I couldn't skip another day of school, considering I was supposed to be there for in-school suspension and if I didn't go to detention today, I'd have to make it up some other time.

I tried to make myself look as best I could, putting on dark shades that hid my bruised eye. I knew I'd be questioned inside and I had to think of an excuse to make on the bus ride to school. But for some reason, I was having trouble, and I prayed that I came up with something before I arrived.

I couldn't think of anything through first and second period, but I did my best to keep my
head down. I think Jisoo just figured that I was tired because she didn't bother me, and soon I was making my way to third. I really was not looking forward to another class period with Ms. Manoban, because I knew there was still a hell of a lot of tension between us, and I had no doubt I'd be questioned about my glasses. Maybe not in class, but definitely after school in detention.

The second I walked into the classroom, I felt her eyes on me but I pushed past the other students and sunk into my desk. If she thought it was stupid that I was wearing sunglasses inside, she didn't mention it. I tried to let the rest of the day pass without thinking about what my afternoon in detention would be like, but I failed. Would I be the only one?

The end of the day finally came and I headed to her classroom. I called Dave yesterday and told him that I would have to be there an hour later on Thursdays, and he said as long as I worked an hour later than usual, he was fine with it.

I lingered outside Ms. Manoban's classroom for a while, before it was just me in the hallway and I had to go inside. She lifted her eyes to meet mine and I realized that the classroom was empty, also taking it upon myself to decide that we would be alone.

Her lips formed into a thin line and it seemed as though she was just as bad at controlling her level of sarcasm as I was. "Is it sunny in here, Jennie?"

I sank into a desk in the front row, resting my chin on my arms and flickering my eyes over to look at her, though she couldn't tell from behind my glasses. I needed to distract her, and though I highly doubted I would actually get her to the point where she forgot her question, it was worth a try. "Why do you refuse to call me by my name?"

She never looked up. "I don't?"

"It's Jen. Three letters, one syllable, shorter than my full name and in my opinion rolls off the tongue a bit smoother--"

The blonde lifted her eyes to meet mine through my glasses, her glance seemingly uninterested but at the same time she was tuned into our brief conversation as she cut me off. "Nicknames generally do."

"Then why do you refuse to use mine?"

She put her pen down, brushing her hair out of her face so that she could see me. I could tell that she knew what I was trying to do, but I thought I was off the hook because she didn't go back to the topic of my glasses for a while. "Because I love the name Jennie, and I don't want to use your nickname. You know detention is supposed to be silent, right?"

I couldn't help but let my mind linger on the fact that she said she loved my name, but I addressed her question anyway. "Sorry, I wasn't aware of the rules, never been to detention before."

It seemed as though she wanted to retort back with something else, but instead she stayed quiet. There was a bit of an awkward silence hanging over us, and I disliked it, so I spoke against my will.

"Why do you like my name?"

She sighed, pushing her papers away because she couldn't seem to focus on whatever she was doing. "I said I like the name, not yours. Don't put words in my mouth."

I furrowed my eyebrows, leaning back in my seat. "Damn do you have to be so much of a bitch? It was a simple question.. you don't need to get all hostile."

She seemed taken aback, but quickly recovered. "Do you really want more punishment on top of the detentions you already have? You can't talk to me like that, Jennie, I'm your teacher."

I shrugged. I already had months of detention, she was right, so what was one more? "I just figure that since I've already seen you naked, all those formalities aren't really necessary."

"Jennie," she spat, looking up at me with an almost horrified expression on her face. Had she forgotten? Her eyes hardened and she got up, walking around her desk to bring herself closer to me.

"I told you never to bring that up again." Her tone was harsh and her expression grave, so much so that I had to build myself up to look at her. "And you know what? Let's get something else straight right here, right now, the formalities are necessary because I'm your teacher and I'll never be anything more than that, got it?"

"Actually you told me never to mention it to one of my friends, you never said I couldn't bring it up to you. But I got it, loud and clear Ms. Manoban, I was not insinuating that we were anything more than that. I was simply stating that we've been much closer to each other than--"

"Stop, Jesus, you don't quit, do you?"

I readjusted my sunglasses, leaning back in my seat, shrugging. "Not really, no. Is detention almost over? I have to go to work."

She shook her head, sighing and bracing her arms on the desk behind her. "No, you've been in here for five minutes."

I sighed, sinking into my seat as we settled into silence. I really couldn't stand it, because the tension hung over us and practically strangled me when we weren't talking. "I'm going to try this again, as your student, I'm just curious, okay? Why do you like the name Jennie?"

She'd taken the silence as her que to walk back around to her desk and sit down, but when I spoke she simply looked up at me. It was weird because the hostility in her eyes seemed to be gone and was instead replaced with something else that I had a hard time placing. She finally sighed, deciding that a conversation between the two of us would be harmless. "I don't know.. I've just always thought it was beautiful and I.. I actually thought about naming my daughter Jennie-"

I widened my eyes. "You have a daughter?"

Her eyes widened too as she realized what she said, and she immediately started shaking her head. "What? God no, I meant if I ever have a daughter.. in the very distant future, God no.."

"What's wrong with kids?" I asked curiously, because though she seemed to be thinking about her future, she still sounded repulsed by the idea of having a child.

She shook her head. "No, I mean nothing, but I'm not ready to have children." She looked up at me through half-closed lids then and tilted her head. "You know Jennie, I really don't like talking to people in general, but... you have a way of forcing me to do so and enjoy it.."

I couldn't help but smile a little bit. "Is that right? And you're enjoying our current conversation?"

She shrugged. "Could be worse."

She seemed determined to let us fall back into silence but I wouldn't allow it, so I took a chance with my next question. "Not to pry... but unless I was your first girl, which I highly doubt, then you probably aren't straight.. If you ever have kids, would you adopt.. or.. use a donor?"

I could tell she seemed to be arguing with herself on whether or not to answer me, but then she looked up, tilting her head slightly. "If the situation should ever present itself that I settle with a woman, I'm not sure what I'd do. I don't see myself ever giving birth but I'm not sure if I'd want to adopt.."

I found myself immediately growing defensive. "Why not?" I said immediately, my voice tense.

It was clear that she had no idea I was adopted, so I figured even if the school did have that information, they didn't go around sharing it. She spoke up, shaking her head. "Detention should be quiet. We should stop talking about this."

"No," I protested, my eyes lowering. For some reason, I needed to hear what was about to come out of her mouth. Make me mad, Ms. Manoban. Do it. "We can't until you answer me."

I could tell she didn't like being told what to do, but for some reason, she didn't say anything about it. "Fine. Look I have nothing against adoption, and I honestly wouldn't mind it, I just.. I'd be worried that the kid would want to find their birth parents if they were still alive and then they would forget about me."

I softened a little bit, expecting her to say one of the things that made me mad the most like, Because I want a kid that's blood related, or, Because they're too damaged, which believe it or not I'd heard quite frequently. "You know, I'm not saying that your kid wouldn't want to find their birth parents, but I can promise you that a kid up for adoption never forgets the people that he or she is adopted by."

The statement was true, because I knew any kid I'd met in the system would've killed to be adopted, and even if I was abused by my adoptive father, I still would never forget him.

She shrugged, tapping her pen against the desk. "Well, I'd have to really think about it before adopting. I don't know if I could handle someone I'd raised as my own son or daughter running away to their real parents."

I tightened my fists. "Blood relation doesn't make a parent, a real parent, Ms. Manoban."

She gave me an odd look, but shook her head. "That's not what I meant by real parents. I meant.. the people that they subconsciously view as their real parents, even if they say they love me.. I'm still not their true family. I don't know Jennie, it's complicated."

She was telling me. "Yeah, I know how it works, and I'm telling you that that's not how kids waiting to be adopted think. Maybe if you want to adopt, I don't know, a newborn, but believe me when I tell you that the older kids appreciate parents, blood or not blood, that take care of them."

I shouldn't have gotten into this topic with her because the more I spoke, the more I revealed about how I felt, and the more she might have started to question me.

Which inevitably, she did.

"Look I'm not saying you're wrong, but what the hell makes you such an expert about adoption?"

I lowered my eyes, sinking farther into my seat. I forced myself to speak, but my voice considerably lowered. "I read."

She eyed me. "Well as much as you may read, I've thought a lot about this particular topic too, and books can only go so far into explaining how a child really feels. Not to mention, Jennie, every child is different."

She did make a lot of sense, more sense than a lot of people made when they talked about stuff like this, but I still couldn't agree with her. I'd stumbled upon tons of kids who would have given anything to be adopted, and I knew that even if they did want to look for their birth parents eventually, they'd never forget the people who saved them from literal hell.

For once, it was me who tried to settle into silence, not wanting to answer her. It seemed we'd reversed roles though, because she spoke up. "You've done a hell of a job distracting me, and I have to give you props, but I'd really like you to tell me why you're wearing sunglasses inside."

I glanced at the time, realizing through our conversation and the breaks of silence in between, nearly an hour had passed. I stayed silent and the long hand on the clock finally moved to the twelve, starting a new hour. I jumped up from my seat, grabbing my bag as I tried to make a b-line for the door.

She bolted out of her seat much too quickly for my liking though, grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me back toward her. Her pull was harder than it had been in the grocery store yesterday, and I stumbled into her, my hands finding themselves on her arms to stop myself from crashing into her body. I tried to ignore the way that my skin felt as it touched hers, which slightly confused me because it hadn't felt like this when we'd slept together.

What had changed?

She pulled away from me, narrowing her eyes. "Did you get drunk yesterday? Is that why you're wearing these?"

I couldn't read the emotion on her face, but her lips pursed and she seemed to be biting on her cheek. I shook my head, trying to force my way past her. "No, damnit let me go. I just like aviators."

My feet immediately took me toward the door and I tried to open it, but her hand slammed down on top of it and pushed it closed, my strength seemingly incomparable to hers. "You're not allowed to wear sunglasses inside the school, it's a dress code policy."

"It's a good thing I'm going outside then, my detention is over."

She stepped closer, her eyes lowering. "Take them off."

I shook my head, my voice stuttering as she hovered over me, her arms folded across her chest. I'd never really been intimidated by a woman like this before, and I wasn't sure what to do. "N-No.. I still have to go to work and it's sunny outside.."

I shoved past her this time and I almost made it out the door but she grabbed my bag from behind, turning me around and pulling the sunglasses off my face in the process. I wasn't sure if she was allowed to do that, but she didn't seem to care either way, and I tried to cover my face but it was too late.

"Jennie... holy shit.. what the hell happened to you?"

I started shaking my head, my mind beginning to race as I desperately wished I'd formed an excuse in my mind before now. "I.. I fell down the stairs yesterday because I was sick and nauseous, okay? It's not a big deal, I just.."

I admittedly could've picked a better excuse, to say the least.

She looked at me doubtfully, her arms folding over her chest as they seemed to do repeatedly. "Fell on your eye? Will you please explain to me how that works? Because Jennie, I've lived a little longer than you have and I'm not really sure how you could've done that."

For some reason I was dying to ask her how much longer, but I shook the thought out of my head, devising another excuse to use. I knew I said it in such a convincing way that she couldn't possibly have doubted me. "There's a podium at the bottom of my steps and I ran into it. I'm clumsy okay? I don't know what else to tell you."

She stood back, guarding the door so I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I watched as she tried to process my words, deciding on whether or not to believe them. She finally sighed. "I have a hard time believing that. You must be pretty damn clumsy if you managed this by falling down the stairs.."

I immediately responded. "I am."

She lowered her eyes, handing me back my sunglasses. "Right... well I suppose I'm sorry I got grabby, I just thought you were wearing them because of a bad hangover or something and I got kind of mad. I took away your ID so you would stop drinking, you know, not to get you in trouble."

I nodded. "Well I'm not drinking, so you don't have to worry about that. Can I please go?"

She just stepped to the side, looking apologetic to the point where I almost felt bad for lying to her, but I couldn't. She couldn't find out about Charles.

There was no god damn way I was going to let her find out about Charles.

"Yes.. have a good afternoon, Jennie. See you tomorrow."

I disappeared out the door and started my walk to the grocery store, unsure of how I felt about the last hour and a half.

***

My black eye slowly started to fade away, though it would be a while until it fully disappeared. I could only hope that it went away before my social worker came to check on me, because I knew she wasn't nearly as naive as Ms. Manoban, and she certainly would not believe that I fell down the stairs. And if she did, it would take a hell of a lot of convincing.

By Tuesday, I could finally walk without a limp. I must've pulled something when Charles pushed me over the couch because I'd been having trouble walking normally, though nobody noticed, and if they did, they didn't say anything. I tried to hide that too, among other things, but I doubted anybody was actually paying that much attention to me to notice anyway.

I continued to sit at Jisoo's lunch table with her and her friends, but I didn't talk much and it's not because I didn't have anything to say, but merely because I didn't want to interest them. If they became interested in maintaining a friendship with me, they would want to get closer and I couldn't allow that. Not only did I not want anyone to find out about what I'd been through in the past, but I also didn't want anyone getting close enough for Charles to hurt.

It was beginning to get colder, and I started to dread the thought of the months to come because I knew I would have to walk to work in the bitter cold, assuming I still had the job. Then again, I knew I needed the money and I'd do anything just so I could start to save up, so walking in bad conditions wasn't all that bad. When the last bell rang, I hurried out of the school and started my walk, wondering what it was that I'd be doing today. Dave had me doing something different almost every day, so I never really knew until I got there.

When I got there, I immediately headed to the bathroom to change into the correct colors for all employees, and then I went to find him in his office in the back.

He was shuffling through the books behind his desk, and when he heard me come in, he quickly turned. "Jen, I need you to grab the clipboard on my desk and go through the first  food aisles. When I had you restock last week, I forgot to tell you to record what you were putting away, so I need you to go take inventory."

"So you want me to go around and count everything?"

He shrugged. "More or less. We can't restock with the new shipment until I know that there's not enough food out there."

I wasn't particularly keen on counting every individual item in the store, but it wasn't my choice, so I grabbed the clipboard and started with the first aisle. My mind wandered off to last Tuesday as I did so, and I suddenly wondered if Ms. Manoban shopped on a schedule. Would I see her here tonight?

The real question was, why the hell did I care?

Dave's assignment was actually taking me a hell of a long time, and I hadn't even made it to the fourth aisle three hours in. Dave and I had worked out my hours so that from Monday-Wednesday and Friday-Saturday I worked from four pm to nine, and Thursday I worked from five pm to ten. Sunday I had off.

I finished off aisle three and took a break to eat something small, before starting on aisle four a little while later. Halfway down the aisle, I caught sight of a familiar blonde woman strolling past the opening and I realized it was Ms. Manoban. I turned so she wouldn't see me almost instinctively, though I wasn't sure why I didn't want to run into her. She could be a real bitch, but then again I knew it was probably just because she needed to protect herself and her job. But aside from that, she was starting to grow on me and I had to admit that it scared me. For starters, it was stupid to grow attached because after this year we would never see each other again, not to mention, I wouldn't even want us to because of Charles.

It always came back to fucking Charles.

I was finished fifteen minutes before my shift ended, but Dave just shooed me home and told me that he'd pay me for the full hour. Thanking him, I started to walk toward the front to see Ms. Manoban grabbing her bags from the cashier and turning toward me. I wanted to hide so I didn't have to acknowledge her but she saw me and started toward the door at the exact same time that I had.

"Jennie," she nodded, picking up her bags out of her cart and pushing it the side before following me out the door.

"Uh, hey.."

She tilted her head, glancing at me curiously. "Do you work here every day? How could I not have seen you before...we.."

I shook my head, turning to the right, though she followed me. "I just got the job last week."

Her lips parted and she turned her head, though I could just hear her muttering through the wind, "Figures."

We started to part ways, but then I saw Charles black mustang parked at the side of the building and I froze. Had he followed me here or was it just a coincidence?

I immediately turned in the opposite direction, coincidentally toward Ms. Manoban, but the sports car suddenly roared to life and Charles swiftly pulled up next to me, rolling down the window. I wanted to run because after the last time he'd hurt me, I didn't want to go anywhere near him, let alone get in a car with him.

"Get the in the car," he growled, not asking me a question but instead demanding it. I could practically smell the alcohol from outside the car and I shook my head, though I knew denying him was dangerous. I lowered my voice because I noticed Ms. Manoban stopping at her car in front of me, and when she realized I was behind her, she turned to me and furrowed her eyebrows. The light of her car illuminated her face and I could almost sense worry in her eyes as she looked between me and Charles mustang, but I doubted it.

I shook my head at Charles, turning to walk the other way. "No Charles, you're drunk. You shouldn't even be driving."

He growled and pulled the car in front of me, getting out of the front to storm around to my side. He clearly didn't see Ms. Manoban standing behind him but she was obviously in tune to what was happening. I realized that I had to get in the car because if not, Charles would turn into a raging lunatic right there, and I would have a lot of explaining to do to my teacher.

Before I could agree, he grabbed my arm and dug his fingernails into my skin, causing me to wince in pain. Ms. Manoban saw the discomfort in my expression and I watched her stepping forward, but my eyes warned her. Charles angry voice cut through the air, and I wondered what the hell I did this time.

"Get in the fucking car," he spat, and though I knew he was driving drunk and I really didn't want to, I couldn't let the blonde behind him witness anymore. Our eyes connected one more time and I saw her headed towards us, but Charles shoved me in the passenger seat and ran around to his side, immediately driving off before Ms. Manoban could do anything.

"What'd you fucking do, follow me here from school and wait five hours? Seriously, Charles?"

"Shut the hell up, Jen. I'm not dealing with you tonight. Your mother was worried about you going to school and asked me to check on you, and then you go and make me wait all night long. I do not wait for people, Jennie."

I rolled down the window because the stench of alcohol in the car was making me nauseous. The wind drowned out my voice, so I spoke up. "Figures you still found a way to drown yourself in alcohol.."

He shouted over the wind, taking one hand off the wheel to grab my wrist roughly, forcing me to look at him. "What the fuck did you just say to me?"

I tried to pull his hand off my wrist but I couldn't, though the fear in my eyes wasn't there because he was touching me. I was terrified to be in the car with him because his BAC was probably way over the legal limit and he was swerving on and off the road, making me feel like I wanted to throw up. He finally pulled into our driveway and I used every ounce of strength in my body to pull myself away from him. I jerked the car door open and fumbled with the knob on our front door, Charles stumbling toward me.

Finally pushing it open, I allowed my feet to carry me to my bedroom and I instantly slammed the door shut, locking it behind me. I was breathing heavily and I was terrified that Charles was going to try and push through the door, but he never did.

Instead, the house stayed eerily silent, and it scared me even more.