DELICATE ★ JENLISA

Chapter 15

"I'm not ready to die, Tae."

He rolled his eyes, his hands on my shoulders from behind as he pushed me along the sidewalk. "Will you stop? It's not even that bad."

"I am ninety-nine percent sure I just heard a gunshot."

"You're making shit up. Look, it's right over there. Don't be so much of a wimp; I'd think you more than anyone would know that green grass and picket fences are overrated."

"Yeah maybe, you and I both know looks are deceiving. But that does not mean that I, a skinny ass, underweight white girl should be outside after ten in this neighborhood."

He laughed, pulling me into his side as he ushered me forward toward a building on the left of us. It wasn't in very good shape, but I knew it was probably the best one that Taemin could find with the money that he had. Apparently his eighteenth birthday had been the day after the frat party, which aged him out of the system and forced him to make living arrangements as fast as possible. I considered Taemin to be lucky; most of them didn't have the opportunity to buy even this crappy of an apartment. "You've got me to protect you, yeah?"

"And what good'll that do?"

"You're funny," he said sarcastically. "You know that I'd kick anyone's ass if they tried to put their hands on you, don't you?"

I smiled a little, standing beside Taemin as he fumbled with the key to his new apartment. "Yeah, I know."

He swung the door open and revealed a small, hard-wooded open space with nothing in it. There was a doorway leading somewhere else, and I peaked into it to see an empty room of similar size.

"Hey, you got two rooms. You have more space in here than your room in the group home, at least."

"Yeah," he said, leaning against the wall. "Only it's empty."

I smiled half-heartedly, sitting down on the floor in the middle of the room. "Who the fuck needs a couch anyway?"

He laughed, walking towards a small space in the corner of the room where a counter was built into the wall. "That's what I'm saying."

"Well shit, there's too much to do around here. What do you think we should start with?"

Rolling his eyes, he lifted up a six-pack of beer. "Might not have much entertainment, but I am good for something, aren't I? Had a few extra dollars that weren't going to buy me a damn bed or refrigerator and thought, why not spend it on something that might make this place a little less depressing for the night?"

"I like the way you think sometimes," I said, smirking. "Last time I stumbled home drunk though, I regretted it the next day, so.. I'll pass."

He lifted his eyebrows. "I don't think I've ever seen you refuse alcohol before."

I shrugged. "I don't need it right now. I don't particularly love the taste of beer anyway. I think I'd rather have a nice iced tea."

"Damn shame that iced tea doesn't help us to forget about our problems, isn't it?" he mused absentmindedly. He looked over at me, questioning, "You wouldn't mind if I helped myself?"

"Your place, your beer, have at it," I said, gesturing towards the six pack as he nodded and twisted the cap off of one. He proceeded to sit down next to me, leaning against the wall.

"So Jen, I felt that when you came to me for the ID, it probably wasn't the best time to ask, nor while that blonde was sticking her tongue down your throat, but uh, what happened to you anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

He gave me a 'no bullshit' look and I sighed, resting my arms on my knees. He spoke, "I mean, one minute you were there and the next you weren't. I went back to your group home to make a deal with one of the girls and she told me you weren't around anymore. Where you living now?"

I scratched the back of my head. "Uh, I kind of got adopted."

He stared at me for a while, before playfully hitting me on my shoulder and smiling. "No shit, are you kidding me? You got adopted? I thought they sent you to another home or something, knowing you, because you got in another fight."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah because I started shit all the time, right?"

"No, they started shit and you broke down. You remember that one girl, what was it, Bianca? Jesus you fucked up her face worse than I thought you ever could in a million years."

"I try to forget about that, you know? Thinking about Bianca only makes me upset because I wasn't me that night. She went too fucking far Taemin; I mean she fucking started dissing my dead parents. Who the hell does that?"

"Assholes," he muttered, sipping his beer. "Anyway, let's not dwell. Happy thoughts, right? Let's talk about your adoption, what's your new family like?"

I shook my head. "You're not going to get happy thoughts if you ask me about my adoption Taemin."

"Oh, shit," he hardly whispered, "What's wrong with the people who adopted you?"

"My adoptive mom is fine, I know her from my childhood. Not that I can remember much from twelve years ago, but uh, she's my old step-mom."

"She's not evil, is she?"

I smiled a bit, shaking my head. "No, she isn't the nightmare."

"Oh?"

"I'm kind of hesitant to tell you about her husband because I'm afraid you'll do something stupid."

He narrowed his eyes at me, scooting closer. "You'd only be worried about that if you knew there was a good reason for me to do something stupid. Don't fucking tell me... did he...?"

Knowing exactly what he meant, I shook my head. "No. But uh, he's a drunk. An angry drunk."

His expression was prompting me to continue, but instead, I just lifted up my shirt. By now, I was almost used to the reaction after showing both Chaerin and Lisa. Taemin's was a little different, though. "That fucker..." he muttered under his breath, pushing up from the wall. He started toward the front door and I scrambled after him, grabbing his wrist.

"Taemin, stop. I told you, I don't want you doing something stupid. Besides, where are you going to go? You don't even know where his house is."

He shook me off. "Giving this piece of shit a taste of his own medicine wouldn't be stupid, Jen. Fuck, you can't catch a god damn break, can you?"

"Hey," I said calmly, ushering him to the ground again. "It's okay, alright? Look, you see these?" I said, pointing to the now yellow bruises. "They're hardly there anymore. I haven't had to deal with him in a while."

"Why?"

I glanced at him, sighing. "Because, my teacher saw the bruises and forced me to either let her call child protective services or live with her."

"That's... strange. Why didn't she just call the police? I mean I know why she shouldn't have, but..."

"I convinced her not too. But honestly, I have to get out of her apartment. Charles, my adoptive father, isn't going to give up looking for me and I hate putting people in danger. I mean shit, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do Jen. What are you going to do?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, but I'll figure it out."

He nodded. "Well listen, you ever need a place to stay, text that number I gave you. Can't guarantee you'll be sleeping on much more than the floor but.."

"Thanks Taemin."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we sat in silence for a while, before I tilted my head and looked up at him. "Sorry I didn't come to see you sooner. I was scared in Charles's house, and I didn't know where you were.."

He looked at me, confused. "What the hell do you have to be sorry for, Jen? That's shit, do you hear me? Besides, I'm surprised we even got to see each other after they took us away from Chaerin's. Don't apologize, because that's probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth."

"Well, I'm kind of glad I can see you now."

"Jen," he said, sighing. "You shouldn't be around me. I'm hanging around a lot of really bad people right now and even if I wanted to stop dealing, I couldn't. You're going to get yourself hurt, you know that?"

"It's better than being alone. You understand me and I don't need to worry about you getting hurt, at least not because of Charles."

He made a gesture with his hands, shrugging. "I'm pretty sure there are a few people that are more likely to find a way to hurt me than Charles."

"What exactly have you gotten yourself into, Taemin?"

He waved me off. "It's not as bad as I make it out to be, and it's not bad money either. I don't even know what else I'd do if I wasn't doing this Jen, This is what I'm good at."

I scoffed. "Jesus, are you fucking kidding me? Taemin I might not know you all that well, but I do know that you're not that stupid." I sighed. "Tell me what you're dealing."

"Just weed," he assured me. "For now."

"What the fuck do you mean for now? You know how I feel about this particular topic Taemin, I swear if you get wrapped up in selling hero-"

"Hey, hey," he calmed me, cutting me off mid sentence. "I know, I know how you feel. It's just weed, okay? They use that shit medically. I promise you Jen, just weed."

"It better be. Please Taemin, don't get in over your head."

"I'm not."

I sighed, running a hand down my face. "I haven't had a real friend since Chahee..." I shook my head, somehow managing a laugh. "Figures the first one I get after her is a fucking drug dealer."

"It's temporary."

"That's what they all say."

"Hey," he said, holding up his hands. "I'm not forcing you to be here. In fact, you really shouldn't be because I would never forgive myself if something bad happened to you because of me."

"I'll be alright Taemin. Tell me though, why am I hanging out with you?"

"I have no fucking clue."

I smirked a little. "Me neither."

He nudged my shoulder. "Don't lie to yourself," he whispered. "You love me."

"Eh," I shrugged, joking with him. "To be honest, I always preferred Xavier."

"You'd be lucky to have me as a brother."

"I don't know about that Tae." He eyed me and I just smiled, for once feeling like I could be myself around someone. I nudged his shoulder. "Alright, you're not too boring to hangout with, I'll give you that much."

He smiled. "Well let's find a different hangout than my apartment, okay?"

I nodded, smiling back. "Okay. It's a little bleak in here for my liking anyway."

He rolled his eyes. "Let me just find the money to buy fucking paintings to hang on the wall, just so the room isn't so bleak for you, Jen."

I laughed, looking around the empty room before turning back to him. "I could sketch you something? Might liven the place up, what do you think?"

He stared at me, before looking at me skeptically. "I don't think I'd mind that, actually. You're pretty talented."

I smiled. "You have anything in mind? Preferably something you'll enjoy seeing, because it'll probably be the only thing you have to look at while you're here?"

He thought about it for a while, before shooting up and darting into the other room. He came back with a photo in his hand, holding it out to me. It was a picture of a little boy and an older woman that resembled the boy, and I realized it was probably Taemin and his mother. "Can you draw me that?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, just give me some time. I'll make it look awesome."

He smiled. "Cool."

I stood up, nodding toward the door then. "Alright well I should go, I really just stopped by to see your place. You want to make a bet on whether or not I get stabbed on the walk home?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, but tried not to smirk. "That isn't even funny. I'm sure you'll be fine, but text me if you need me, okay?"

"I will, and I'll let you know when I'm actually free."

I was about to leave but Taemin put his hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "Jen."

I turned to look at him, his expression now serious. "That photo means a lot to me. It's the only one I have."

I nodded. He didn't need to say anything else. "I'll get it back to you soon, I promise. Do you want black and white or color?"

He smirked. "You sound so professional. Make it black and white, it'll suit the drawing better."

"Yes sir."

He laughed lightly, pushing on my shoulder. "Shut the hell up. Get outa here and get some sleep, or try at least. Tell your teacher I said hi."

I knew he was joking, and I rolled my eyes. "No thanks."

"How's that work though? Does she live alone?"

"Yeah.."

"Is she old? "

"No Taemin, quite the contrary. Are you done?" I asked, moving toward the door. "Can I go?"

"Yeah I'm done," he smirked. "I'm just a little curious."

"Well entertain your curiosity elsewhere. I'll see you later?"

He nodded and shut the door behind him, and I started the fifteen or so minute walk to Lisa's apartment, finding myself ridiculously paranoid that something bad was going to happen. Taemin's new place was in a really bad neighborhood, but he didn't have much of a choice in such little time and with his limited 'income'. At least he had something.

Thankfully, I made it to Lisa's building without being mugged. I climbed the first flight of steps and pushed her front door open, seeing her sitting at the island with her head in her hands. She turned slightly, brushing the hair out of her face to see me closing the door behind me.

"You alright?" she asked, her voice heavy with fatigue.

"Fine? Why do you ask?"

She sighed. "You're thirty minutes later than you usually are."

"Oh," I muttered, dropping my bag and making my way to the kitchen. "I stopped by a friend's."

"I thought you didn't make friends?
You know, because of Charles?"

I shrugged. "I think this friend can handle himself. He has a lot more to worry about than a grouchy drunk man with anger issues. Besides, the texts from Charles have slowed. Maybe he's giving up."

She looked up at me from her seat at the counter, her normally light green eyes dark, which I assumed was because she was tired. "Let's hope.." she murmured, standing up. "Look Jen, I have no right to tell you what to do, but please keep in mind that I can't go to sleep until you get back from work. I really can't, or at least not without knowing you're safe. Could you maybe tell me when you're planning to come back later than ten?"

"Uh, yeah, shit I wasn't thinking. I didn't think.. you waited up for me on purpose."

She pulled her lips into a thin line. "Yeah, I do. I have to."

"Well you don't have to-"

Lisa stopped me. "No, I really do." She sighed, standing up and walking towards me. She reached out, and I almost thought she was reaching for my hand, but instead she pulled out a drawer and took out a piece of paper. She scribbled something down and held it out to me. "It's my number. Just text me next time so I don't have to worry?" She paused, our fingers brushing as I took the paper from her hands. She added, "Please?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded, and she tried to form a smile. "Thank you. See you in the morning."

She turned and walked into her bedroom, leaving me in the kitchen.

I officially had my biology teacher's number.

***

Thankfully, Lisa wasn't hovering over top of me when I woke up sweating. Some part of me still held onto the hope that eventually I would stop dreaming about my past, but most of me knew that the nightmares weren't going to go away. If I was lucky, maybe they would one day, in the very, very distant future.

It was a Thursday, and after the slow school day had passed, I made my way back to Lisa's classroom for detention. I still found it ridiculous that I had to stay after school for an extra hour, but I knew that Lisa had to put up the announcements regardless of what I was doing and I thought helping her was probably the least I could do. Not that I had a choice anyway; as far as I knew, it was up to Lisa when I could stop coming to detention.

I pulled the door to her classroom open and saw her sitting at her desk. "Hey."

She looked up, nodding at me before returning her gaze to her papers. "You can take a seat if you want."

"No announcements?"

Lisa shook her head and scribbled something down on her papers, which were probably the quizzes we had taken two days before. "Well.. in that case, would you mind doing me a favor?"

"That depends..." she said, trailing off as she shuffled through her papers. "Is this favor legal?"

I put my hand on my hip and raised my eyebrow. "Really Lisa?"

The corners of her mouth twitched upwards as she lifted her eyes to meet mine, tilting her head. "What's up?"

I placed the photo of Taemin and his mom on the desk in front of her, and she picked it up as I spoke. "Could you maybe use the photo copier in the teacher's lounge to print that picture out?"

"I suppose."

"Wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience?" I asked, only half-kidding.

Lisa placed her pen down and tilted her head, but stood up and formed a slight smile. She played with the photo in her hands, before nodding toward the door. "I think I can spare the time. Come on."

I didn't expect her to suggest that I come with her, but I followed her out the door anyway. I wasn't sure if she noticed it, but I felt the slight change in the atmosphere between us, and I knew exactly what the reason for it was. I didn't know whether to be happy or upset that she seemed less... annoyed about everything, put quite simply. On one of the very first nights that I stayed in Lisa's apartment, I had told her that one of two things could happen after I shared my past with someone; they would either get closer or distance themselves. Lisa was loosening up, I could tell, and she seemed... different, now that I had opened up a little bit.

And I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"Would this by any chance be the friend you were talking about last night?"

She held up the photo as we walked into the teacher's lounge, it being deserted of her co-workers. "Uh, yeah," I answered.

"Does he go to this school?"

I shook my head as she fussed with the copier. "No."

She bit her lip and pulled her eyebrows together, taking the piece of paper out of the machine and handing it to me. "I... get the feeling you don't want to talk."

I took the paper from her hand, grazing her fingers. The contact gave me the same feeling that I'd gotten last night, and I still had yet to figure out what it was. "Sorry...." I answered. "Just tired, I guess." It certainly wasn't a lie, though not exactly the full truth as to why I wasn't myself. I felt weird, and even though I hadn't minded telling Lisa about my group home, I didn't know how to feel about how it had more or less changed things between us. She probably hadn't even noticed that she was acting different, nicer.

Was I really upset that she'd grown a bit nicer in the past few days?

I really did have problems.

"That's usually how the human body works, you know. It gets tired if you don't give it enough sleep."

"As if I have much of a choice.."

She eyed me, watching as I started to move away toward the door leading into the hallway. Her voice stopped me. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No Lisa, there isn't. But I'm fine, okay? Seriously, you don't need to worry about me so much."

"Saying that doesn't really change anything, you know."

I sighed, turning back around to face her. "Listen, I really appreciate you printing this for me, and I do like talking to you when our conversation doesn't revolve around me. But please, can you please do me a big favor and not mention any of my issues for the next few days? The eating thing, the sleeping thing, Charles. Could we just... drop it, for a while?"

She stayed silent for a while, before running a hand through her hair and leaning against the machine. "I guess."

"Thank you."

I turned and walked into the hallway with the piece of paper in my hand, Lisa trailing not far behind. She caught up to me quickly, and I realized she still had the photo of Taemin and his mom in her hands. "So, if I'm allowed to ask, what's this for?"

"I just need it for a drawing. Thanks for helping me out."

I knew I was being vague, but I honestly just wanted to get back to the classroom and sink into my seat in silence. She was just trying to make conversation I'm sure, but I just wasn't in the mood.

Leave it to me to turn Lisa's rare good mood into something negative.

She seemed to get the point. "You're welcome," she answered, letting her voice die after that. We rounded a corner and found ourselves back in the science wing, and I noticed Principal Yang and Cara emerging from a different hallway. They were walking towards Lisa's classroom, our principal gripping Cara's arm and more or less dragging her. I would have been a little skeptical had I not been close enough to hear their conversation, but the two didn't seem to notice us.

"Oh come on T, I have better things to do than sit in detention for the rest of my afternoon. It's bad enough I have to do it with you on a daily basis, now I have to sit there with one of the cranky old teachers that you hired to," she paused, making air quotes with her fingers, "educate us?"

Principal Yang pulled Cara towards Lisa's door as she and I walked in their direction. He sighed, "Cara, come on, I don't have the patience to put up with you today and I have a meeting with the head of the board of education in half an hour. I can't babysit you."

"So can't you just let me go home?"

"No, your mother would kill me if she found out I let you off the hook again. I don't need another lecture, Cara."

"You're supposed to be the cool uncle."

"I am the cool uncle," he said, stopping by Lisa's door.

"I was on my phone for two minutes, at the beginning of class. Diaz is making shit up!"

"I doubt that. It's less than an hour of your time and then you can go home, okay?" Principal Yang sighed and turned to knock on Lisa's door, realizing she wasn't in there and it was locked.

"Yang," Lisa called out, handing me the photo and jogging in front of me. "Something I can help you with?"

Principal Yang turned around and nodded at Lisa, mustering up a smile. "Ah, there you are. I have to go to a meeting and there are no other teachers giving detention this afternoon, would you mind if Cara sat with you and Jen for the next forty-five minutes?"

"On second thought Uncle T," Cara said, smirking and stepping forward. "I'll stay. Remind me to thank Mrs. Diaz tomorrow for being a bitch."

"Watch your mouth Cara," he said, narrowing his eyes. He turned back to Lisa. "So?"

"Sure," she said, using her keys to unlock the door. Principal Yang nodded, warned Cara to behave herself one more time, and then set off on his way.

"This is a surprise," Cara whispered as we walked into Lisa's classroom, the tall blonde beside us watching me. I met her eyes but quickly turned away, just a little uncomfortable.

I slipped into a desk farther away from Lisa's desk than usual, and I knew she noticed but I tried to pay attention to Cara. I figured Lisa would probably tell us to stop talking sometime soon, but the least I could do was answer her. "Yeah, it is. Did I hear Principal Yang right? You're in here because you were texting?"

"Yup. Diaz just hates me; she'll use anything as an excuse to get me in trouble."

"I take it this isn't your first, though?" I said, smirking.

She laughed a little, "Please, this is far from my first. I'm not saying that I never deserve to get detention, but this time I really didn't do anything."

"I didn't know Principal Yang was your uncle."

She nodded. "Yeah, kinda sucks. Not the fact that he's my uncle, because he's a pretty cool dude, but he's like my mother's personal watchdog. I can't do anything without hearing it from one of the two of them."

"Sounds like you got the raw end of the deal," I answered. "Hey let me ask you something, when your grandparents named him Yang Yang, did they think for even a second that they might be setting him up for a lifetime of getting teased?"

Cara laughed, turning in her seat so that she was closer to me. "Oh yeah, it was intentional. It's kind of like that annoying joke you tell your friend, except he can't ever stop telling it."

I mustered up a laugh too. "That's certainly one way to describe it."

"So what the hell are you doing in detention anyway? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your whole look doesn't exactly scream troublemaker."

"Well...." I trailed off, sighing uncomfortably. "Let's just say I'm still being punished for something stupid I did at the beginning of the school year."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why so vague, hm? Could it possibly be because you don't want me to lessen my opinion of you?"

I smirked. "I don't think that's it."

She leaned over the bar attaching her desk to her chair, smiling at me. "You know, this kind of throws a big wrench in my plans. You're supposed to be the good girl wooed by me and my mischievous ways."

"Is that right? I'm sorry I let you down then. You'll have to think of something else."

She smirked. "Do I at least still have a chance?"

I shrugged. "You might..."

"Girls," Lisa said, her voice hard as she cleared her throat. Her green eyes met mine and I sunk into my seat, unsure of why I felt so uncomfortable. "You're not allowed to talk in detention. Don't make me say it again."

Cara glanced at Lisa, before sitting back in her seat. "Damn," she whispered in a barely audible voice. "I think I understand what you were saying about that whole 'being nice' problem she has."

"Hey she kind of has a point," I whispered back. "I don't need to get into any more trouble than I'm already in."

Lisa looked up from her papers again, giving us both a look. Cara sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and sinking into her seat. She looked away, giving Lisa the opportunity to look at me and cock her head. She mouthed, "Too tired to talk, huh?"

I bit my cheek and looked away, feeling a little guilty that I had so quickly stopped my conversation with Lisa, but then very obviously made conversation with Cara in front of her. I sighed, putting my head in my hands and wishing for the end of the hour to come. The worst part was that even though it was Thursday, Max had given me off again today because there wouldn't be shipments until Saturday, so I would have to go home with Lisa. I had very little doubt that she would bring up the events of the last few minutes.

The time passed slowly, but eventually the hour was up and Cara was the first to jump out of her seat. "Gotta bolt Jen, but I'll talk to you later. Would you maybe want to do something together next time you're free?"

Shit. "Uh.... yeah.. yeah sure. Just text me."

She nodded. "Cool."

Then she bid her goodbye to Ms. Manoban and exited the room.

"Well aren't you going to go to work?" Lisa asked tersely, her eyes focused on her computer.

"I don't have to work today."

She met my eyes briefly, sighing and shaking her head. "Well don't feel obligated to talk to me on the ride back to my apartment. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you."

I sighed too, hurrying up from my seat to stop her from walking out the door. I grabbed her wrist and she slowly turned around, frowning slightly.

"Lisa, I'm sorry, okay? It's just... I..." I sighed.

She shook her head. "No, you have nothing to be sorry for. Come on."

I stopped her again, this time with only my voice. "Lisa."

"What, Jen?"

"Will you loosen up for like a second so I can talk to the less-annoyed version of you?"

She simply glared at me and folded her arms across her chest, making no effort to speak. I gestured for her to move away from the door, and she sighed and made her to way to the edge of her desk to sit down. I made a gesture with my hands. "Look Lisa, I didn't mean to come across like I did. I know I was short with you but held a conversation with Cara, but you have to understand that this is weird for me, and it might take some getting used to."

She pulled her eyebrows together. "What are you talking about?"

"You might not have thought much about me telling you about my group home, but that took a lot of effort on my part to force out. I doubt you feel it, but I know what it feels like when there's a different atmosphere between me and another person. I don't want things to change, and I can already tell that they are. That's why I'm acting weird. I don't want you to.. get closer, and I also don't want you to push me away... god I don't think I'm making any sense.."

She shook her head, looking away briefly, before turning back to me. "No, you make perfect sense Jen. I know exactly what you're talking about..." she trailed off, murmuring something to herself that sounded like, "though probably for a different reason.."

I shot her a confused look and she met my eyes again, sighing. She put a hand on my shoulder and spoke. "Look, you don't need to explain yourself. But, you know, you also don't have to act differently just because I know a little bit more about you now. It doesn't change anything, besides maybe the fact that now I can understand why you don't really eat."

"I thought we weren't going to bring that up.." I muttered, glancing at her hand on my shoulder. She squeezed and released me.

"Sorry, last time. Come on," she said, grabbing her bag and a stack of quizzes. "Let's head back."

I nodded and tried to force myself to be okay with the fact that someone other than Taemin actually knew something about me. Besides, it had felt good to talk about it with someone.

But I hadn't even told her anything, compared to the truck-load of bad shit that I was still keeping locked up inside my head.

How would things change if I ever told her about those?

***

It didn't surprise me when I woke up at midnight again, only this time I actually had something to do when I couldn't go back to sleep. I was tired but there wasn't much I could do about that, so I found the drawing pencils my art teacher had given me and grabbed my sketchbook, heading to Lisa's living room. She was still sleeping peacefully and I tried to be as quiet as possible because I didn't want her to wake up. Not particularly because I didn't want to talk to her, but because I didn't want to be the reason that she wasn't getting enough sleep either.

I gridded the copy of Taemin's picture that Lisa had made me, and then started on the drawing. It was easy for me to get lost in art, and though I usually didn't have very much inspiration to draw something meaningful, I actually had a purpose this time. I finished the outlines and started shading, watching as the picture came to life. After a while, I glanced at the clock in Lisa's kitchen to see that it was three am.

Damn, I was really running on fumes.

I was about to stop and try to get some sleep again when I heard the floorboards creaking, and I looked up to see Lisa leaning against the doorway to her bedroom, her long sleeve falling off of her shoulder in that way that I couldn't help but find sexy. She arched an eyebrow at me. "What are you doing?"

"Drawing."

"It's three am Jen."

"I know... did I wake you? I was being as quiet as possible..."

She shook her head. "You didn't wake me up. I had to use the bathroom and in a very surprising turn of events, you weren't in the bedroom."

I looked up and met her eyes, though I stayed silent and returned to my drawing. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to me, closer than she usually did. "You know," I muttered, shading with the paper and one of my folders pressed against my knees, "You don't have to stay awake just because I can't go to sleep."

"I know." She nodded toward the sketch. "Can I see?"

I reluctantly handed her my sketchbook, and I watched as her expression shifted into... shock, amazement maybe. "Wow.... this is..."

She looked at me, searching for words but it didn't seem like she could find any, until she spoke again. "This is amazing Jen. I didn't realize you could draw this well."

I let myself smile a little bit. "One of my many hidden talents, I guess."

She quirked an eyebrow, handing me back the paper. "Yeah? What are the others?"

I smirked. "Oh, there are too many to even list. I'm a pretty good magician, actually. Haven't you ever wondered how my grade in your class is so high?" I made a gesture with my hands. "Magic."

Her beautiful green eyes found mine and she laughed, really laughed, sending a shiver down my spine. "Interesting. Is there anything else?"

I smirked. "Well I'm a pretty good kisser.... but you already know that."

She rolled her eyes, taking my joke relatively well. She rested her arms on her knees and leaned forward, turning her head to glance at me. "This isn't healthy."

I shot her an odd glance. "What's not?"

She gestured between us, sighing. "This..."

I turned back to the picture I was drawing for Taemin. "You're going to need to elaborate because I'm not really sure what you're talking about."

"I'm supposed to be your teacher, Jen."

"You are."

She sighed, clearly becoming frustrated and I wasn't even why. Was I missing something? Clearly we didn't exactly have the most normal student teacher relationship, hell I'd had sex with her and I was living with her, but we weren't doing anything now that was wrong. What was her problem?

"Loosen up, will you?" I said, leaning over to nudge her shoulder with my own. "I don't even know what you're frustrated about."

Lisa looked away and I sighed, staying silent for a while before turning the page in my sketchbook and pointing to it. "Hey maybe if you stop being such a sourpuss, I'll draw you a picture."

My comment drove her to smile a little bit as she turned back to me, clearly trying not to be failing. "Wow, a picture from the very talented Jennie Kim, how could I refuse?"

"I don't know," I smirked. "What would you like me to draw you, hm?"

"Surprise me."

I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself when I decided on what I wanted to draw. I set down Taemin's drawing, which was nearly finished, and leaned against the arm of the couch, facing Lisa. She was thinking to herself, staring into the relative darkness of her apartment. It gave me time to admire her profile and map it out on paper. I only had the time to sketch the outline before she shifted her position and turned to me, her expression skeptical.

"So, do you still think Cara isn't into you?"

I hugged my sketchbook to my chest, hiding it from her vision as I groaned. "What'd you do? Listen in on our entire conversation?"

She lifted an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, what would you have liked me to do? You were kind of in detention you know, and the room is only so big. Maybe if you don't want me overhearing your conversations with her, you should learn how to whisper." She paused and smirked. "It's this thing where you lower your voice so that-"

"I know what whispering is, thanks for the tip."

She held up her hands. "Just a piece of advice." When I didn't respond, she scooted a bit closer and raised her eyebrow. "So?"

"Okay, so maybe I was wrong," I muttered, thinking back to the night at the grocery store when I'd run into Cara. "But it's not like it changes anything."

"Why do you say that?"

I shook my head. "I still am in no position to have a girlfriend. Besides, I don't even know if I'd want to date Cara, even if I could."

"Not up to par with your high standards?"

I narrowed my eyes, starting to shade the picture of her. "I don't have high standards, actually. But if you really must know, I don't thinks she's really the type of person I'd like to be in a relationship with. I can tell, she's definitely a good time... but, there are just a few things that... aren't there, I guess."

Lisa lifted her brow. "Like what?"

I grunted. "I don't know, maturity, I guess."

"Well you can't exactly expect all seventeen year olds to have the maturity level that you do."

"I don't, I just... well I guess you can understand why I've gone for older women in the recent past."

She glanced at me, curiosity and amusement in her expression. She simply nodded, and I smirked. "I have a thing for blondes anyway."

Her eyes snapped to mine and she couldn't resist letting out a short laugh, shaking her head. "Good to know."

I met her eyes briefly before leaning over to the coffee table to grab a different pencil, but apparently I was too distracted to do it correctly. The few of them that had been sitting there dropped onto the ground and both of us moved to pick them up, catching each other's eyes on the way down. I couldn't help but to glance at her lips but I forced myself to look away. My sketchbook had fallen from its concealed position in my lap, and Lisa picked it up to see the drawing of her profile on the paper.

"Oh...."

I placed the pencils back on the table, swinging my legs, which had been pulled up to my chest, over the side of the couch, coincidentally moving me closer to her. We were sitting side by side, and I watched as her fingers traced the outline of the picture of her that I had sketched.

"This is..."

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable-"

She stopped me immediately, waving her hand. "Jen are you kidding me? This is... so amazing. Why would I be uncomfortable?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, five minutes ago you were talking about how unhealthy the weird relationship that we have is. How am I to know whether or not drawing you is crossing a line?"

She shook her head, staying silent as she eyed the picture. After a while, she turned to me to hand it back, and we ended up in a position where her face wasn't too far from mine. My eyes were on her lips so I couldn't tell where hers were, but I was vaguely aware of the fact that her body was inching closer to mine. I briefly looked up to see her staring at me, breathing heavily as she very clearly debated with herself about what to do. We were centimeters from each other, and I finally couldn't take anymore of it so I tilted my head up and kissed her. Her lips were soft and I was almost desperate to relax into the kiss, but almost as quickly as it began, it was over.

Lisa pulled back, her expression flooded with emotions. She started shaking her head, sliding over to another couch cushion. Her voice was low and hardened when she spoke. "In case you were wondering... that was crossing a line."

She stood up, sighing heavily and running a hand through her hair. She glanced at me once before shaking her head and walking into her bedroom.

And because Charles was still looming in my mind from the conversation I'd had with Lisa earlier, I wasn't sure whether or not to be upset by her reaction, or relieved that she had enough sense to stay away from me.