DELICATE ★ JENLISA

Chapter 35

Anger.

Sheer anger is what I felt in those next few hours. I couldn't force myself to feel anything, literally anything else but that. I was angry with Charles, I was angry with the fucking world. I was almost angry with Lisa for being so god damn ridiculous. We lived in a fucked up world, that was something I had accepted a long, long time ago, and it was about time she start being fucking realistic too. It didn't do anybody any good to have false hope. Because that's what it was, false hope. How could I possibly believe that we'd figure it out? We wouldn't be figuring out anything except for the fact that nothing ever worked out for me.

I went to work, but truthfully, I probably shouldn't have. I had never felt more bitter in my entire life. Why did Charles exist? Why couldn't I just wish him away? Other people's wishes came true. I watched as shoppers passed me in the grocery store, talking idly and smiling.

I watched a woman pass by me with her child, giggling and ruffling her daughter's hair. Her wish had come true, hadn't it? I was sure that at some point in her life, she'd hoped that one day she'd have a child, a child that she could pour her love into.

I watched more people pass by me. A married couple, two teenage boys, a young woman in her twenties. They all looked happy. Everyone looked so god damn happy. Why couldn't I have that? Why couldn't Lisa and I live off somewhere, in a different world. In these peoples' world? Clearly they lived in some other world than I did. I wanted to be there. I wanted to be done.

I wanted desperately to be done.

The walk back to Lisa's apartment gave me a bit of time to clear my head. There wasn't a name written on the note, so I considered the possibility that it wasn't Charles and his attorney's doing. But I quickly ruled that out because who the hell else did Lisa and I know that was mentally unstable enough to do something like this?

Ashley called me when I was about fifteen minutes away from Lisa's apartment. Her words only frustrated me more. Apparently when she'd left this morning, Lisa had been dead set on sending herself to prison. For me. For my safety, for my well-being, for my happiness. I couldn't find it in me to think about why she would do that for me. I could only think that her testifying was a stupid, very stupid idea.

When I made it back, I headed towards Lisa's bedroom. I pushed the door open slightly to see her on the bed, facing away from me with a phone pressed to her ear.

"I will not accept that!" she practically screamed into the phone. "Don't tell me to fucking calm down Drake. As a matter of fact, don't tell me what to do period. It's my life and guess what, it's my testimony. If I want to give myself up to make sure that someone I love is safe, then I'm going to do that, and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

After a brief moment, she spoke again. "I get that but if you, Ashley, and Jen are all thinking about me, who the fuck is going to think about her?"

"Put yourself in my shoes, June," she continued as I lingered in the doorway, frozen. "If it were Ashley's safety on the line, or Ark's, are you going to try to tell me you wouldn't do the same exact thing that I'm doing?"

"Well I'm glad you'll never find yourself in this situation but I don't have that luxury. It's either both of us walk free or both of us go to prison for breaking the law, which I did do, and I'd prefer the latter if it means that Jen will be able to live her life without worrying about getting hurt again."

I just stared at her, well, her back. Their conversation seemed to come to a close with her next couple statements. Lisa sighed heavily. "She has her sister now, she doesn't need me. It'll be okay. Look I'll call you tomorrow morning. I don't want to talk about this anymore tonight."

"Okay, talk to you then."

She ended the call, and time seemed to freeze for a few moments. I couldn't seem to fathom how she could possibly believe what she had just told June. She didn't really believe that, did she? I had met a sweet girl that was blood related to me, and all of the sudden that meant I didn't need her?

Time unfroze. She began to stand up, and when she turned around, I was right there in front of her. I pulled her face down to mine, catching her off guard. My lips seemed to tremble as I pressed them to hers in a desperate attempt to somehow get her to understand how I felt. I pulled back, pressing both of my palms to her cheeks. "I love you too."

Lisa's entire body froze as her eyes completely widened. Her lips moved slightly, as if she wanted to say something, but she couldn't. She merely shook her head. I whispered, my voice cracking. "Don't testify..."

She finally seemed to find her voice, but I didn't let her protest. "Jen—"

"No, listen to me damnit. I do need you. You cannot think about Charles right now. We both know what he does to my head, and I don't want to go through that again but it'll be so, so much worse if I don't have you. You make me feel safe. You make me happy. I can't do this without you Lisa, please—"

"I won't testify," she said suddenly.

My head shot up and I caught her eye. "You won't?"

She sighed heavily, pulling my hands away from her face and sitting back down on the bed. I sat with her as she looked down, shaking her head. "If it really means this much to you, then no, I won't."

"Well that was easier than expected..." I responded. "You fucking scared me, Lisa. Ashley told me that there was literally nothing she could say to change your mind, and she's your older sister. I thought... I didn't think I'd be able to change your mind..."

"It's not Ashley's safety and mental stability that I'm worried about. It's yours. Look I.. I already told you that I wouldn't testify and I guess I can't take that back now, but you've got to understand, I don't know if I can watch you fight with yourself again. You didn't see what I saw these last couple of months."

"I might not have seen it but I experienced it, and I think that more than qualifies me to make this decision for you. I don't know what's going to happen to me if Charles is let off the hook, I just know that I can't let you give up your life for me."

"Jen I'm not giving up my life. It's what, a couple of years in prison? How is that comparable to you living the rest of your life in fear of a terrible man that gets to go off and live his life like nothing ever happened?"

"June said Charles wouldn't be able to do that, that his business would suffer."

She raised an eyebrow, tilting her head in my direction. "And you honestly believe that Charles losing a bit of his large income is adequate punishment for what he did to you?"

I fell silent. Of course I didn't believe that. She placed two fingers under my chin and lifted my head up slowly. "I know you want to protect me, and I understand considering my need to protect you, but you've got to, just for a moment, stop thinking about me. You were thinking about me last time you let Charles win, and in the end, you only ended up getting hurt for nothing. You ended up right back in my apartment, only with a few fresh bruises and cuts from glass."

"What's your point?"

"My point is you need to think about you. If putting my life on pause for a few years is what it'll take to stop you from falling back into the bad state you've been in multiple times before, then I'm willing to do that and I think you should let me."

"It's not just a few years, Lisa. It'll alter your life forever. I'm pretty sure being an ex-con isn't easy. You won't be able to get a job and people will look at you like there's something wrong with you—"

She cut me off. "Do you honestly think I care what people think of me?"

"No, I don't. But take it from me, someone who knows a lot about that. I don't care what people think of me either, but after a while, it'll get so frustratingly intolerable that you'll have wished you never got up on that stand."

"How do you know so much about what that's like?"

"Because I've felt it, Lisa. I've been to juvy, twice. People knew, and it wasn't as easy as you would think to deal with. Now multiply what I felt by ten based on the law you broke, and I'm suddenly not willing to let you go through that."

Her eyes flickered up and down, shifting from my face to the floor. "I understand, it's just hard for me to accept that I have the power to help you, and yet, I can't, because you're asking me not to. You turned my world... right side up, Jen. Liam put me in a dark place, one that I'd probably still be in without you, and it tears me apart knowing that I can't help you like you helped me without you getting mad at me."

My lips started to curl upwards. "If you get on that stand, I will bitch you out so hard before they send you off to prison."

She laughed a little. "I don't think I'd be able to handle that so I guess I'll keep my knowledge of what a despicable person Charles is to myself."

"You promise me?"

She eyed me, biting her lip and nodding. "I promise." We stared at each other for a few moments after that, silence enveloping us. She was deep in thought, I could tell, and I was trying to figure out what she was thinking. Finally, she spoke with hesitation in her voice. "What you said before... did you.. did you mean that, or did you just say that so I would agree to not testifying?"

"Do you really think I would do that, Lisa?" I asked. "You know, a woman that I think is pretty fucking amazing once told me never to say what I said a couple minutes ago to anyone unless I actually mean it." I paused, letting my fingers brush her cheeks on their way to her neck. "I meant it, Lisa, I love you. I love you more than anyone in this entire world, that's a fact. So don't for a second think that it's not true."

She couldn't resist smiling as her cheeks reddened a bit. I pressed on the back of her neck and brought her lips to mine, falling onto the bed beneath her but still maintaining control. I let my hands slip under her shirt and roam her torso, across her stomach, over her hips, upwards.  She muffled a moan, pulling back. "Are you really still up for that tonight?"

I let my hands fall back down to her hips, gripping them as I eyed her and let a teasing smile play at my lips. "Did you happen to sleep with Jackson before I got home?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "I haven't even seen him today, I didn't go."

I kissed her deeply, effectively ridding her annoyance. Pulling back, I answered, "Then yes, I still want you more than anything. Have your way with me tonight, Lisa, because if Charles worms his soul-sucking, piece of shit self into my head, I don't know when I'll have the mental strength to do this again."

She placed her hands on either side of my head, searching my eyes. Finally she leaned down, and I swear, the world melted away.

I didn't know how the trial was going to end. I didn't know if Charles would go to jail or be let off the hook with nothing more than a "try to control your attention-seeking, disappointment of a daughter."

But I did know that as long as Ashley was right, that Charles's attorney only cared about winning his case, Lisa would stay out of a place she didn't belong.

And that was what mattered.