Repressed (Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter 8

Alex pushed me off and spread my legs with his knees, he gasped, “Milla!”

I didn’t meet his eyes. I knew what he was looking at. I bit my quivering lower lip. He ran his fingers over the scars. I looked away, “Alex stop!”

“Who did this to you?” Alex said in a quiet voice. He still had a grip, which kept my legs opened.

“Nobody.” I lied. I struggled to get freedom, but Alex was unrelenting.

“Milania, who the fuck did this to you?” Alex said angrily, he grabbed my forearm and pulled me to him. His angry breath laced with mint, brushed against my face.

I knew what he had seen. My inner, upper thighs had two large scars, they were thirty centimetres long. They were on both thighs, they were a result of an abuse I had to undergo one year ago. The flesh of my thighs had been ripped open due to the whipping, but the scars and marks of the stitches still remained.

“These scars belong to a time before you, Alex.” I began to cry, “Just please, don’t.” I watched Alex open his mouth to say something, but he understood and replied, “If I ever meet the bastard who did this to you, I will kill him. And this is my word to you.”

I got up quietly and walked back to my bedroom, I pulled on a pair of pants and buried myself in the sheets of my bed as I cried myself to sleep.

 My past was coming back. And I knew that it was going to destroy me.

***

I woke up to the sunlight that streamed into my room. I ran my hands through my hair and went out to the living room. Alex was eating breakfast, he saw me but made no comment. He didn’t even smile at me.

I pulled my chair back and sat down, I slathered butter over my toast and put in my mouth. Alex watched me silently, his thumbs twiddling, “Why won’t you tell me?” He whispered.

I swallowed down what was in my mouth and replied, “Because it belongs to a time way before you, Alex. Please, don’t dwell into it. I spent one year trying to forget that…” I shuddered, “Moment in my life, when shit got fucked up…so please, don’t push it.”

“I thought you trusted me…” He responded, stoking his chin.

“I do, but I can’t tell you this Alex. Some things are best left forgotten…please? For me?” I begged, my eyes prickling.

“Oh no, baby! I am sorry, no Milla!” He got up and came to me, lowering his face to mine, “I will save you, okay? I’ll keep the vampires from your door. I swear that when the cards are down, I’ll be around.” He kissed me, I felt his hands pull me up bridal style, to his chest. I breathed his heady, musky scent in.

“I love you…” I whispered.

“I love you to ends of the earth and back.”

I stared at him as he looked at me, he was so gorgeous, I wish I could tell him the about the abuse I had taken, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t, not after how all those things fucked me up. That phase of my life was something, Alex would never come to know of.