Repressed (Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter 16

I winced as the doctor attended to my hand, “Nothing broke, it’s just you hit yourself hard, it’s just swelling, it will go down in a while, but you can take some morphine for the pain, knock yourself out until the sting becomes bearable.” The doctor was a female, beautiful, black haired and green eyed, she had huge eyes, the size of saucers but they were beautiful, her name tag identified her as Zia Price. She smiled at me and I smiled back. I could feel Adrian’s burning gaze as he stared at me, wincing as much as I did when the doctor pressed my hand.

“Well you’re now ready to rock and roll.” Dr Zia said as she patted my thigh and gestured for me to get up, “Just don’t hit anything, or anyone. Take care, alright?” She said. I nodded and left the room, Adrian quietly followed me, I turned to him, and snapped, “Where is the car?” Adrian tucked his hand in his right pocket, “This way,” he said and he took me to the exit.

***

I huffed and puffed like the big bad wolf, I slammed Adrian’s car’s door so loudly and with such force, I am sure I must have taken something off its hinges.

“You are mad with me, mind not taking the frustration out on the car?” Adrian sighed, putting the keys into the ignition port, he changed gear and we started to move.

“Why don’t you shut up and maybe then my frustration will reduce?” I snarled, I tried flexing my fingers but they hurt like hell so I decided to leave them as they were. I played with my t-shirt’s hem with my left hand, I was aware of my bra-less chest getting more and more aware of the cold air around it. I wriggled in my seat.

“I am not a ‘sick, selfish and sadistic’ bastard, you know?” Adrian spoke up. I stared at him in silence as he drove back to his apartment, his eyes didn’t meet mine when he said that, but I caught him swallowing in hesitation of what to say next, “I don’t know what happened to me that night. It was like someone had lit my body on fire. I lost control and I hurt you.” Adrian sniffed and I could see the tears threatening to spill out.

“I never would have done that, had I the choice, Milania, I hope you understand that. It was a mistake, a mistake that left a huge mark on you, physically and in every other way possible, but you need to know, that I didn’t choose that. I would never do anything to hurt you or anything that gave you joy, because when you smile, I smile.” I felt Adrian brush his hand against my cheeks.

“You killed me, Adrian.” I whispered, “I hate you now, and I probably will, forever. I can’t change that, and you know it. You deserve this.”

“I deserved it. But give me the chance to make it up to you, Milla.” Adrian said, we had reached the apartment, Adrian parked the car and we began to walk to the elevators,

“There is nothing about this situation that can be ‘made up.’ What happened, left something disastrous and you know it.” I entered the lift, I sighed in longing, remembering what had happened between me and Alex in an elevator in a particular famous London attraction.

Adrian stared at me in silence, quietly watching me, analysing me, “You love him, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he…he is not you.” I snapped.

Adrian’s eyes went wide with hurt, “What did I do so wrong to warrant your wrath in such a manner?” The doors opened and Adrian led the way, grabbing his keys from his pocket, he unlocked the door to his apartment and I entered my prison again.

“You sexually abused me.” I quietly replied, “You touched me in all the places I didn’t like. You whipped, caned, smacked, slapped, and hurt me. Shit like this isn’t meant to be forgotten Adrian.” I walked to his bedroom and sat on his bed, I could still see the handcuffs by the table. I grabbed them and began to play with them. Adrian entered the room, he leaned against the door frame and he said in a brittle voice, “I need you, so bad. I have urges but yet my hands are not on you, even though I could force myself on you, doesn’t that count for something?”

“No, that doesn’t count for anything, Adrian.” I replied, my voice orotund. I pulled at my hair which was in knots, I watched Adrian leave only to come back with a hairbrush, he flung it in my direction and I caught it with my left hand. I began to comb but soon realized that I needed two hands to do it, with one of mine injured, I couldn’t really do a good job.  My hair kept slipping off the brush and my attempt to do my hair in a neat bun failed. I heard Adrian clear his voice, “Can I help?”

“No,” I snapped. Adrian came closer to the bed and then sat down next to me, “Turn around Milla.” I shook my head, I then felt Adrian’s powerful arms grab my shoulders and flip me like I barely had any weight of my own and turned me around. My back was to his chest, we weren’t touching, but I could feel the heat that radiated off him.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair and began to comb through it, I gritted my teeth, “Why are you doing this? I told you, I don’t need help.”  

“Shut up.” Adrian said. He kept combing my hair, softly and gently, one squirm from me and he would ask whether I was in pain, I asked him, “Don’t you have an office to go to? I wonder how you run it, considering you are spending all your time here.”

He chuckled a low, deep chuckle, “I will leave after I finish with your hair, once I am satisfied, I will go. Thanks for the concern though.”

“It was not concern, Adrian,” I corrected him.

“Whatever you say, Milania.” He replied chuckling again.

“Don’t take that tone with me Adrian,” I replied.

“Or what?”

“I told you don’t underestimate a girl, you might just be drinking dog pee for tea and that’s about how careful you should be around me.” I replied smirking to myself with satisfaction. Adrian pulled my hair sharply, I screamed, “Milania, I am being nice to you, don’t test me. And besides, you know you wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t want to suffer another whipping would you?” I knew he was teasing me but he was teasing me with bodily harm, I jerked my head back hoping to hit Adrian’s face and I did, “Ow, Milania!” He grabbed his nose as blood began to leak. He grabbed at a dirty t-shirt and pressed it to his nose, “What the fuck?”

 I slapped him as hard as I could with my left hand, “Threaten me that way again and I swear to God, I will kill you.” I left him astounded with my outburst in the bedroom and I walked to the hall but before I could reach I felt Adrian’s arms lock around my waist like steel bands as he pushed me to the wall, his voice was hoarse and angry, “And I swear to God, if you slap me again, I will grope the life outta’ you.” And like that, his fingers pulled down my cotton pants, I wasn’t wearing any knickers, Adrian laughed softly into my ear, “Going commando, are we?” He stroked me at my core, and realized how wet I was, “Why are you wet Milania?”

I shivered.