Repressed (Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter 15

I trembled, my knees giving way. The air smelled weird, it was too clean but the stench of death hung around, I quickly navigated myself around the steel tables on which bodies were lying, and found the exit, I stepped out and felt like running away was the worst thing ever.

It was Zara, pacing in front of me. I was stunned and couldn’t move, it took her a while to notice but when she did, she wasn’t happy, “You. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I just…umm…how is Alex doing?” I asked with a weak voice, my strength fading to black as I thought of the helpless man who was lying on the bed, strapped to weird wires and, stuck in a medically induced coma.

“Why are you here, Milania? I thought I had made it absolutely fucking clear that you were not supposed to be here?” Zara came towards me, till she was barely inches away from my face. She looked deadly, I replied, “I miss him, please Zara! Let me see him. They say that when people are in a coma they can hear things, and a lot of times they respond to what’s going on.”

“Well he ain’t responding. And definitely ain’t responding to you.” Zara snapped.

Suddenly my self-control broke, I pushed Zara away, and entered Alex’s room, she called out after me, “MILANIA, DON’T YOU DARE!” I took a seat by Alex’s bed as Zara came inside, “Get out!”

“No!” I said, “I am his girlfriend and I have the right to be here.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to leave? You lost that right the moment you let Alex get hit by a man.”  Zara said, despite her fury, I could hear sadness in her voice, she was hurting. I knew it because I was hurting too.

“Zara,” I replied as my voice broke, “If I had the choice, I would do it all over again, I would step in and get hit rather than let him take the blows. I would never let this happen, not if I had the choice.”

“But you did, Milla, and now you have to leave, please don’t make this harder for me or for my family.” Zara said as she gestured towards the door, I reached out and took Alex’s hand in mine, “Baby boy, please wake up, I love you. Oh, please forgive me, Alex. I love you so much, God!”

“Milla, you are testing my patience, please get out.” Zara said.

“Let her be,” A husky, velvety voice spoke out, my eyes widened as I swivelled around in my chair, it was Adrian, looking absolutely furious...and hurt?

His shoulders were hunched down, there was pain in his eyes, and he seemed to be gazing at Alex and me.

“Who are you?” Zara asked, clearly annoyed.

“A friend.” Adrian simply replied, and turned his gaze to me, “Have your last words, Milla. Then we have to go and mend your hand.”

I whispered to Alex, my voice breaking with every word I was saying, “Alex, I love you, please come back to me. Then we can go to all of the places we said we would, Mykonos, Corfu, Athena, your call captain! Please, wake up, for me, don’t leave me with the monster from my past. I need you, I swear once you come back, we will go to all the EDM concerts in the world, we will Gangnam Style our way to Korea and all the places you said you’d take me, and not to mention, you kicking on the fields, with your team mates from Real Madrid, please, baby boo, wake up, I miss you.”

“Milania.” Both Adrian and Zara said in unison.

 I exhaled sharply, as the tears began to fall, choking inside, I reached out for Alex’s face and kissed him lightly on the lips, I whispered in his ear, “I know you can hear me, I know you care. Please take me away from this nightmare. Alex…” I kissed him once again on the lips and pulled away, I silently walked to the doors, but before leaving, I took another long look at Alex, my heart broke.

It was like he had aged days, even though it had only been two. He had bags underneath his eyes, his skin had a deathly white pallor and his lips purple, he had taken the brunt of my ignorance, and now I wondered whether I would ever be able to forgive myself.

With the last look at Alex, I left. Adrian silently followed me, “Milania…”

“Don’t you dare!” I spat and turned on my heels till I was facing him, I slapped him hard across the cheek with my right hand, the sound reverberated in the hospital, and even though that hand was broken, the sting of it could not compare to the satisfaction of slapping Adrian on his face, “You had no right to come back into my life and bring back everything I had fought to forget. You are the worst nightmare, anybody could have, and do you know why? It’s because you exist. You aren’t a figment of imagination, you’re real. And that’s the most tragic thing to ever happen, I wish you didn’t exist, cause’ you know what, Adrian? You give a new meaning to the word, ‘living nightmare.’ And don’t ever make the mistake of touching me, because I swear to God, the moment you do, it won’t end good. Don’t underestimate a girl, ever.”