Repressed (Wattys 2014 Winner)

Chapter 10

Oh no, oh no, oh fuck no! My heart started to race. I could recognize that voice anywhere, it was the voice of torment and torture. My worst nightmares, were connected to this voice. I had spent a year trying to forget this voice and now it was back here again.

I slowly turned around and met the icy gaze of Adrian Raphael, my ex-boyfriend.  More like ex-torturer. We used to date for two years but those years used to be filled with sexual abuse and disgusting behaviour. I used to love Adrian until he turned into the monster that he was. He ruined me for life. Those scars that ran across my thighs were due to the whipping I had received. It had split my skin wide open and I had to be rushed to the ER.

He was still the same, a square face with the sharpest jaw I had ever seen, cheekbones prominent with petrifying ice cold eyes that used to watch my every move and used to enjoy every struggle. Those pink lips that used to abuse parts of me, and his jet black hair, which used to be a source of my fascination.

“Adrian…” I whispered in fear, my palms became sweaty, I walked to the door but he was too fast. He reached for the door and slammed it shut, he locked it and looked at me with a smile, “I can’t believe that you would run away from me, at three in the morning just for you to end up here, with that lousy bastard.” He reached out for me but I pulled back, “Don’t touch me, Adrian.”

“You ran away from me…No note, nothing. Oh, I have waited a long time for you Milla…to take you back.” 

But I cut him off, “What did you just say? ‘Take me back?’ That is never going to happen.” I pushed Adrian aside, but he was strong, I only forgot how much, he pushed me to the ground and climbed on top of me, “I will take you back Milania, there is a price that you haven’t paid yet.” I slapped Adrian, “Price? Leave me the fuck alone, Adrian, you have no business coming here and coming back into my life.”

Adrian, stared at me, “Business?” He bent down and sniffed my neck, his arms grabbed my wrists and pinned them above me. He kissed my neck, “Adrian, stop!” I screamed. He kept one hand on my mouth, “Say one word and I will rape you right now.” I began to cry, “Adrian, please? Let me go!” Adrian’s finger trailed over my dress, he reached down and hitched my flowing skirt over my knees, he went higher and higher till he was at my knickers, he stroked me. I gasped, “ADRIAN! NO! PLEASE!” He rubbed his fingers up and down, my wrists still locked because of his hand. I cringed and cried, “NO! PLEASE!”

And just like that, Adrian got up, released my wrists from his grip, opened the door and he left but before that he said, “You may not want me, but I do and I will have you. Just wait and watch.”

I stayed lifeless on the ground like a dead body, I had never felt so violated in my life. The tears were coming stronger and stronger now, “Oh God!” I whispered to myself and broke down.

And just like that I passed out, the darkness enveloping me, slowly but surely…

***

“Milania! Milania!” I could hear frantic calls, someone was throwing water droplets, but the pain was too much, I opened my eyes to see Alex, worried and Zara talking to someone on the phone. But my eyes shut quickly and darkness enveloped me again.

***

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The steady beeping of a machine woke me up, my eyes fluttered open, the room was painfully white, where was I? I grabbed at myself, I was wearing a white gown held together by straps on my back, I screamed. The IV drip pulled painfully from my hand and my wails began to grow louder and stronger, I began to flail on the bed, shaking like an epileptic person.