ATEEZ social experiment

Part 31

                             Side Effects

I slam my bedroom door shut behind. Quiet for once Or so i thought until the voices in my head begin to take over.

I strip out of my clothes and put on an oversized shirt and sit on the edge of my bed. My empty stare lays on the only light in my dark room from my ac unit.

The wicked thoughts run free through my mind i don't even put up the effort to silence them. What's the point.

Endlessly i sit there feeling all emotion being drained from my body. My soul being buried deep into my core with no chance of seeing the light again.

Instead of hurting over the despairing reality
I'll face the darkness with my dystopia.

      "BANG BANG BANG!" pounding on my door hardly even startles me as i stare up to the white ceiling.

     "Hana it's been a week you need to come out!" Hongjoongs fatherly voice echoes from the other side.

     "I come out to eat," i lazily answer back. I can hear him fiddling with the handle and successfully unlocking it.

     "Come on," he stands firm before me and i just roll over.

     "What's the point," i grumble wanting to be left alone. He lets out a long sigh and shakes his head at me.

     "You know this isn't healthy!" he stands up to me, " At least come to the living room so you're not alone." I turn around and sit up looking him in the eye.

     "I'm not going to do anything stupid," i look to him in disgust knowing well what i said was a lie.

     "Mingis told me what you've done and none of us think it's good for you to shut yourself out like this we just want to help," he pleas to me and i just roll my eyes.

     "If you want to help them leave!" i raise my voice at him.

     "Hana please just-"

     "I said get out!" i scream at him. "Get out get out!" i throw a pillow at him as he runs out the door slamming it behind him.

     I fall back into my bed and just lay there listening to my demons as they run freely through me now.

      I have them... i'm never alone.

The grumbling of my stomach pulls me from my bed. Too lazy to put pants on i grab my grey robe and toss it around me not bothering to tie the strap.

I silently slip down the hall and stairs. Walking into the kitchen i find a group of people staring at me.

"Look who came out of her cave," Mingi brightly says to us all. I see Joong Yunho San a man i've never seen before but his intense eyes pull me in and i feel like my breath is knocked from me when my sight falls on Seonghwa.

"It's been awhile since you've came out," Hongjoong says as the others begin to make comments. I glare at them all with disgust.

"You should hangout with us," Sans cheerie voice burns my ears. I shoot him a nasty look. Looking back at Hwa i notice how he's not really here he looks lost.

I put my head down and grab a pop tart and a couple cans of beer from the counter and run back to my room.

They should've told me that he was here. I cross my legs sitting on the edge of my bed and just as i was about to take a bite there is a soft knock on the door.

I growl under my breath as i stand and walk to the door.

"What do you wa-" i stop mid sentence, "i'm sorry i thought you were San or Mingi." I apologize as Yunho stands outside my door.

"Are Mingi and Hongjoong giving you a hard time?" he asks with genuine concern.

"I guess," i lean against the doorway, "I just need space and they don't understand it."

"I'm sorry i can talk to them if you'd like?"

"No it's fine I can handle them. I think Joong is scared of me now," i let out a low laugh and he does the same.

"You can come in if you'd like," i step back into my room and he follows in and closes the door behind him.

I sit back on my bed leaning against the wall as he sits at the far corner. Finally i get to take a bite out of my pop tart easing my hunger.

"So healthy," he laughs at me, "i never thought beer and pop tarts would go together."

"Breakfast of a champion," i raise my tart to him then shove the rest in my mouth.

"You know it's 4 in the afternoon right?" he teases and i stretch out and kick him in the side.

"Don't judge me!" I toss him a beer and then crack mine open. "Then join me, it's a little depressing to drink alone."

     He opens his and looks over to me and raises it in salute.

    "To still being alive," he says as we cheers and begin to drink.

    "Why'd you come up here?" i ask the question that's been burning in my head. I won't lie i like him he's very nice and considerate but why would he care to come up here i have only known him for a short time.

     "They call me Yunhogizer they say i'm their giant sunshine and make people feel better." he shrugs his shoulders as he smiles over at me, "I thought you might need a little happiness and that i could help."

     "You're like a puppy i can't help but smile when you're around. How are you so care free?" i sit up closer really wondering how he's like that.

     "I think i'm the opposite. I put so much on myself and force myself to have a smile on my face for the sake of others. What would i get if i mopped around in my sadness. Even dead people can do that. I stand on my own two legs i'm gonna die someday so might as well have no regrets and help others while i'm at it." his words hit me like a train. I never thought about any of that.

     "I want to be like that someday... i just feel so lost and helpless," i look down at my hands.

     "No you don't." he quickly looks away. "Hiding begins this mask is the side of me that no one has ever seen. I'm not sad i'm not happy i'm just empty... but so many people rely on me to be their sunshine i put it on for them."

     "I don't think that's true. I think deep down you have that light and want to help them but you just feel responsible when bad things happen to them. It's good you doing that for them but you need to think of yourself too."

      He nods his head still looking off. Excluding that day in the park i think this is the first time his smile, his shine has left.

     "Haha," he lets out a low chuckle then turns to me with a forced smile on his face, "I came up here to make you feel better but instead you did that for me."

     "Come here," I stand up making him too and wrap my arms around him as his mask disappears and an empty bare soul is left.

     "It's okay to hurt just don't ever let it control you," i whisper to him as his body hesitantly accepts my embrace.

     "I'm sorry..."

A/N

wow where did all this motivation come from? Leading up to some big stuff i hope you all enjoy this and stick around! i will begin to put Trigger Warnings at the beginning of chapters (i know it's kind of a spoiler but i don't want anyone being uncomfortable) Thank you all again you all mean the world to me i love you all have a great day don't forget to comment and vote💕💕💕