ATEEZ social experiment

Part 52

                                       Colors

    

      I stand beside the gentle giant as we stand on the wooden dock and look out across the sea of blue. Such a beautiful place to be for such a horrendous reason.

     He lets out a short breath and opens his mouth to speak but my words come out first.

     "I'm sorry," I turn to him, "I am so so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to use you. I don't know what's wrong with me I'm so screwed up. When I'm with you I'm happy, I forget everything that has happened, everything I-"

      "Shut up."

       I freeze at Yunho's words.

      "I asked you to come out and talk so let me." I backdown I have never seen this side of him, is this the real him.

      "Why him... Why are you with him and not me? I can't figure it out."

      "I love him I'm meant to be with him," I softly answer as his pained eyes look down to me.

      "He will hurt you Hana. You saw what he did to me you know what he's capable of. I won't be able to live with myself when he does."

      "Seonghwa would never hurt me."

      "You don't know that," Yunho shakes his head at me, "Do you think I expected it that day? Do you not remember how you tried to kill yourself because of him!"

      I step back at his words trying to catch my shaking breath.

      "See you know it's true. You can't be with him let me help you," he reaches his hands out to me."

      "Stop! Please stop!"

      His pure eyes look to me, searching me. I keep pushing his warm safe touch away, why can't he see the truth.

      "I am begging you... I can't see you get hurt again." The tears begin to fall. "Everyone close to me always gets hurt so please just stop."

      "You're worth it, you're worth it all," Yunho takes a step closer to me. I let out my breath, why does he make me feel so safe.

"Yunho I really do care about you, more than you will ever know but i still can't forgive myself for what i did to you."

"It's okay Hana look i'm fine you're fine you have nothing to worry about."

"I used you. I used you to distract myself to keep from remembering how broken sad and depressed i'm supposed to be. When i'm around you i am never happier but the second you leave i fall apart and i can't keep living on this roller coaster. I need to fix myself."

A long silent pause fills the gap between us. The only sound is the birds over head and the waves against the dock.

"You know, since you all have been back, I've hardly been able to recognize Seonghwa. Even physically. He's been through a lot... a lot with you. He's broken and you two understand that about each other you two share that," Yunho breaks the silence shiny light on the ultimate truth.

"He's the only one that can help me. Him and I help each other we rely on one another."

"That day... The day Jiho showed up and you kept asking for Seonghwa I could feel you pushing away from me. I didn't want to accept it I didn't understand it then."

"He knows me, he knows what i've been through. As close as you and i have gotten these couple months you know nothing about me, my past."

      "That night I kissed you I should have just told you everything, the whole truth and maybe none of this would have happened. You wouldn't have jumped..." high flush checks turn from me as he stares off to the horizon slowly he sits and hangs his long legs over the edge.

      "It was apart of our story we can't change the past no matter how bad we want to."

      "I want you to be happy Hana. It's so hard to look at you and not see the girl crying in the alley way trying to push me away."

       "You should be happy. You deserve it you don't deserve all my pain anger and brokenness."

      "Never let him leave you're side. He needs you just as much as you need him," i can hear the pain and resentment in his voice.

      "I never leave anyone. It's everyone else who leaves me."

      I take a couple steps and sit beside him and follow his gaze to the edge. Maybe someday we will make it there, to the end. I rest my head on his shoulder and let his warmth fill me. Such a familiar feeling one that I miss and never want to lose.

      "Promise me you'll never leave," Yunhos careful words draw a confused look from me, "You're my best friend, i'll be here for you always just please," he turns al looks me dead in the eyes, "don't leave me behind."

      "I promise."

      Yunho and i sat there taking in the evening sun. His comfort he brings me is unmatchable nothing can beat his friendly smile and contagious laugh he's the perfect friend and i don't think, even if i tried, that he could be more than that.

      "I'm going to fry if i sit out here any longer," i say as i look at my pink arms. Yunho climbs to his feet and sticks his hands down to me.

      "Come on ghost girl," he laughs as i roll my eyes and grab his hands. He pulls me to my feet and we both stop. We just freeze inches apart face to face.

      "Thank you," out of instinct i wrap my arms around his neck pulling him into a tight hug, "for being on my side."

      "I'm always here Hana even when you think you're alone i'll be by your side," tightly he holds to me engulfing me in unconditional love.

      "Thank you."

       Shortly after we left go both feeling at peace now that we got all the hard questions out of the way. As we walk closer to the house I spot Seonghwa looking hard to us from the kitchen windows. I can't help but smile to him and wave. Butterflies fill my stomach as his perfect smile grows on his face.

      That's the difference between them. When I look to Yunho i feel safe and relaxed but when i look at Seonghwa i feel undeniable love my body and mind both agree.

      The feeling Seonghwa gives me makes anything possible. Even a future where we are free from this curse.

       He's the reason I'm going to pull the trigger.

A/N

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