Part 39

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                       What Hurts the Most

     "Can we talk." A pure faced Seonghwa looks down to me. I gently swallow worried for the conversation that needs to happen.

     "Of course," I try to stay positive as my mind frantically prepares what to say.

     "Do you mind if we go somewhere private?" he insists.

     "Not at all."

     Without dragging any attention Seonghwa follows me up the stairs. I step into my room as he does slowly. He lets his eyes wander the room.

     "I've never seen your room before," he looks at the pictures on my mirror. Mostly of Mingi and I then a couple from Paris.

     "It's not much," I sit on the edge of my bed and pull my knees to my chest.

     His eyes finally land on my bed and he stops in his place. The little bit of happiness in his fades looking from me to the bed with only one thought filling his mind.

     "You can yell or scream at me if you want, I deserve it," I pull my head tightly to my knees as I timidly speak.

     "You think that's what I came here to do?" he says aggravated, "I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say."

      "Neither do I."

      Seonghwa sighs as he sits on the floor with his back on my dresser. We both sit silently searching and hoping the right words come to us.

      "I missed you," my words pull his head up his settling on mine, "I think that's why I attached to Yunho. He just made it so easy to not feel lonely. I used him. I don't know how else to deal with how I feel," sobs start to come from me, "I feel so broken. I'm so use to just everyone leaving it felt like you did. I just wanted to feel loved and wanted and he made me feel that."

      The sound of me crying is the only thing keeping us from silence. Seonghwa looks to the floor gripping tightly to his crossed legs.

      "Please just say something anything you can take it all out on me," I wipe at my never ending tears.

      "Was that all I was for you? Just someone who made you feel less lonely?" His dark eyes avoid me as his cold voice echoes across the room.

      "Are you serious? I'm in love with you, can you not see that?" I shake my head at him.

      "No,because you were in that bed with my best friend, while I went crazy worrying and being apart from you," he looks me in the eye as his voice begins to crack.

      "I thought we were over. How I left that day when you treated me like an idiot was me leaving."

      "You're still mad about that?" he sadistically laughs.

      "You laughed at me, you basically called me stupid. I was right you know, but you didn't even try to understand."

      "It was ridiculous at the time."

      "If you would've listened this would have never happened."

      He takes in a deep breath ripping his eyes from me. He begins to shake his head and burries his face in his hands.

      "Why do you do this to me?" he looks up to me tears running down his face. I can feel my heart break into pieces.

      "I'm sorry! I didn't mean for this to happen! I should've ran to you but I was scared! I'm so scared.." I begin to bawl, the pain we have caused each other is immense.

      "The torture you have put me through, do you really love?" just one glimpse of his pain stricken face rips me apart how he doesn't trust me.

      "If I didn't love you why would I be sitting here," I state as strongly as I can.

      "Is it easier to lie to me than yourself," he grits his teeth. I quickly stand up.

      "It's easy with him but no I'm here fighting for you, what is it going to take for you to believe me!"

      "I don't know!" he screams through his tears he grabs onto his head tightly.

      I sit onto the floor leaning to my bed as we both stare off in silence, defeated. Our shaky breaths and sniffling noises disturbing the awful peace.

      "Do you regret it?" he looks up to me with empty eyes. I look to him bite my lip then let out a sigh looking away.

      "No," an effortless tear falls from my face, "I thought I found a way... but you never go away. You're always there and that's why I couldn't do it."

      His chin trembled as he bit his lower lip his eyes welling up with tears.

      "AHHG" Seonghwa slams his fist into the dresser behind him. I jump at the contact. His low hung head slowly lifts and his blood shot eyes lock on to me.

      He lets out a low laugh as his face relaxes and he runs a hand through his hair.

      "I can't," he shakes his head as he begins to stand, "I can't do this." I quickly stand after him.

      "Seonghwa wait please," I say through the tightening of my throat suppressing my grief.

      "I can't Hana. It hurts, it hurts so bad to be like this, to see you like this" he grips onto his chest.

      "It hurts me too," seeing the agony he's going through. He drops his head letting out a short breath. He takes a step towards me. Gently he cups my hands and runs his thumbs across them. His wet eyes connect with mine as he searches me.

       "We might be bad for each other but I know we aren't good for anyone else."

A/N

I don't know what to say but im crying

Have a great day everyone im going to bed I love you all with my whole heart don't forget to comment and vote💕💕💕

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