Blainsville

4)Two weeks later...

Diana

I struggled to get out of bed that morning knowing well that I was the work from home type I had no reason to be up. It wasnt just the fact that Jimmy had work in an hour, it wasnt the fact that I wasnt usually up before him anyway because I just couldnt seem to sleep knowing that there was never gonna be a child crying in the morning or me being up all bight because I had to change diapers but it was the fact that I felt as if one of my own was taken from me. Seeing all thise funerals was enough to strike close to home for everyone although most were teens barely reaching adulthood a few were children the only child possibly of some families and yet they were breathing and laughing one minute and the next they were just gone. It hurt So much because even though I didnt give birth to Rhea I was there when Jess and John first moved in and whose beautiful blue eyes did I see peeking at me from behind her mommy's hip? Rhea. Jessica and I were practically sisters because we had so much in common and enjoyed each others company but after Rhea was killed in such an awful way I couldnt seem to find it in me to talk with Jess; see if she could remember anything I needed to know if it was planned. Was it all along planned and thats why so many families showed up that day? Just one big plot to desintegrate all the teenagers like children of the corn? Or was this something of much darker intent? While I hold onto that thought I suddenly feel Jimmy sit up quickly in bed and make a swift run for the bathroom. This was the third or fourth time this week he had thrown up that violently it had me thinking that Rhea's death had began to take its toll on him cause even though he rarely was off the job it didnt mean he didnt think she was just as sweet and kind as her mother. I gently sit up in bed and take a sip of water due to dry morning mouth and head over to the bathroom I tap on the door a couple times, "Are You gonna be ok today? You sound worse than you did a few days ago, honestly." He pauses a moment, "I'll be alright its probably just nerves I got a huge presentation today. I'll be ok..." Again violent puking. "Well do you want me to make you some coffee or breakfast to help settle your stomach?" I ask before taking off down the hall, "Just some toast will be fine and maybe some honey tea..." I nod hoping he registers as I head away.

I pop some bread in the toaster and begin to start some coffee cause even though he didnt want caffiene to make it through this bout of bullshit they call sadness I need to to stay aware while working. I wasnt hungry I had to much going through my mind lately it was this unbelievable list of things I needed to get done done when all I really felt like doing most was vanishing just like those teens had done. I didn't wish to be dead no not at all but I began to sense that maybe not being able to have kids was a fucking horrible way to live and knowing your husband hadnt even planned or wanted to kids in the picture for all those years that hurt worse than anything. Just made you feel as if your depression where really just a big, bad dream and that sometime soon you were gonna wake up but the only problem was I couldn't no matter how hard I tried my eyes were open but they werent seeing a bigger picture.

  Something happened that day, I could feel deep in my bones and obviously James could feel it in the pit of his stomach cause when he walked out of that bathroom he was this pale shade of green. "You feeling alright, babe? You seem a little green in the gills..." Jimmy takes a seat at his usual spot at our bar I hand him his tea and wait for the toast to be done. He takes a sip and glances at me with in a strange way where I only see the browns of his eyes are looking over the mug, "Something wrong?" He shakes his head. The toast pops from the toaster I take the plain golden brown bread and place it on a saucer next to him; he seems to ponder whether he's gonna eat it or not, "Ok something is bugging you I can see it. Whats wrong?" I sit beside him he just sighs, "Nothing is wrong just so tired... Stressed about this presentation today I'm not sure if I got it down or not. You know I'm not good with being in a crowd or better yet an audience. I mean I get I'm their main man thats relatable but the simple fact that if I feel this way who knows what can happen I dont wanna embarrass myself you know?" I nod as I grab a cup of coffee and chug it regardless of sugar or not I just needed the caffeine.