Blainsville

31) I'll Never Back Down

Jess

I awoke slowly and sorely my eyes hurt and my head was pounding but it was quiet why was my head killing me? As I try to stretch out I realize I'm tied down by my legs and my hands with straps almost as if I was in a straight jacket. I try to talk but nothing would come out nothing but the feeling of wanting to vomit. Suddenly I hear footsteps coming toward me they're slow and calculated but I knew they were in front of me, "Hello there, Jessica I know you don't know me very well so I'll make this very simple: where is Lindsey?" He asked pulling a seat out in front of me. I can't see very well because the room is poorly lit but I'm well aware that this is an older gentleman and he's possibly older than me, "I'm going to ask you nicely one more time, Mrs. Cromwell where is your daughter?" He says I lean forward trying to answer but when I did I threw up all over myself. "Son of a bitch, someone get me a garbage bin and some water. How much of the Vicadan did you give her? I told you I wanted her alive not half awake." He demanded. I feel more bile rising in my throat as someone brings me a cup of water, I try to turn away from it not trusting a fucking thing that was happening. "If you drink this like a good girl you won't give me a reason to hurt you. Now drink up." Someone commanded. I glanced up half lidded eyes and see it's a young man probably about my age wearing a nice black suit with brown hair, "What the fuck do you want?" I whisper hoarsely being at least thankful they gave me water. "I want to know where Lindsey is. You know you're only child, your daughter? Listen, Jessica I don't want to hurt you... I don't like to take advantage of people usually this way but you're making it hard not to, Mrs. Cromwell so please tell me where is your daughter?" I glanced down just praying that he would go the hell away, "Go fuck yourself." I manage to hoarsely say coughing a little allowing the water to take it's time to cleanse my throat. He claps his hands together fairly loud causing me to jump in a fright the lights blast me with nothing but whiteness. "Now, now Jessica I know you know what this is about. I know you know because I know that look in your eyes is real and I know that because we have your husband. Now I'm old enough to know a thing or two about torture and I don't like to resort to violence but if I have to waterboard you till I get a straight answer we are gonna have a big problem. I'm asking you one more time, where is Lindsey?" He demands that's when the younger gentlemen around my age pulls the older one aside. I can't really hear what they're saying but I knew this was about come up its and this was about the Bloom's newborns... The truth was I didn't know where Lindsey was but all I could hope was that he was safe and that she got away. As for me I had to be prepared for what was about to go down I had a feeling this was going to last awhile.

Jimmy

Here I AJ he was of coarse crying like he usually does I discovered he's a rather fussy baby without mommy. As for Alaina she was sound asleep in her tiny car seat as I rushed to the hospital nearby in downtown Derry because my beloved just tried to kill herself. I had wrapped her wrist with a towel and held pressure as long as I could as she became unconscious and laid in my arms motionless. "Please make it, please make it, fucking don't you die on me, Diana! Don't you fucking die on me, girl!" I'm yelling and that makes AJ cry louder I guess he could tell that something was wrong by the way daddy kept crying and screaming, "It's ok little boy, mommy's gonna make it... We're almost there... We're almost there..." I'm wiping tears as rapidly as they come. I finally get to the hospital and run out of the driver's seat trying to get Diana out of the passenger side but she was dead weight and it was becoming impossible so instead I try to flag someone down, "Help! Someone please help me! Help me!" I start to yell after a few moments someone comes out who in turn gathers a few other nurses and a gurney. "Thank God, please help her! Please! I don't know what to do... I have two babies in the car please!" I beg continuing to cry frantically. "It's alright sir, were going to handle this we're the professionals after all. You get your children and we will have her on the table, what happened exactly?" The young blonde nurse asks as she lifts Diana's lifeless body onto the gurney I open the backseat and unload one car seat which is Alaina who is fussing and now awake herself but she hasn't started the crying yet ad AJ is next who is upset incredibly bad and possibly wet. "They're beautiful are they twins?" She asks as they wheel in Diana inside. I follow as fast as I can behind her which is hard when you're carrying two five pound car seats in each arm, "Yeah, they're twins... She tried to kill herself she slit her left wrist... I got into te room before she could do the other she was already losing a lot of blood by the time I found her." I explain trying to keep up and follow wherever Diana was going. "Alright well you wait right here and stay please it's safer if we try to save her. You need to keep an eye on your babies they're incredibly cute by the way especially the little girl." She adds rushing into the room. I try to calm myself down by going to the bathroom and washing my face attempting to wipe the dark red eyes away in the meantime both babies were in there carriers AJ still crying and I pick him up out of the carrier and onto the sink to change his obviously wet diaper, "Hey it's ok little guy, I'm getting you cleaned up." I say with soothing words and touches to his tiny soft cheek, "Mommy is going to be alright... Don't worry, Alan daddy's got you." I add putting on the powder and a clean diaper. His harsh cries go to a slight whimper and he gives me these big blue eyes almost as if he was trying to understand me. "Alright Lainey it's your turn come here, baby girl." I mumble picking her up out of her carrier and changing her diaper as well. Alaina is more or less curious about what I'm doing because she watches everything I'm doing, "You're just curious aren't you? You're gonna be daddy's little heartbreaker... Look at that tiny foot I'm gonna eat that tiny toe..." I grab her foot and she smiles I realize it's her mom's smile and that makes me stop whatever I'm doing and brings tears to my eyes again. I can't do this alone... I can not handle two newborns on my own... She can't leave me with this... Like this. Suddenly I'm crying again only this time I sink to the floor, I curl in on myself and cry for two losses. One for my little girl that was still in the backyard in a box and two for a possible wife that just ended her life.

Diana

I don't know why they say that when you die you'll encounter a white light so brilliant that it's almost as if you're in the sun but guess what? That didn't happen; none of that encounter with Jesus at the gates or even a dance with the devil in the pale moon light only the intense darkness and voices of those trying to revive you. But the problem was I didn't want to be revived, I didn't deserve to live this life. I was a failure as a mother, as a wife... As a person I didn't want to come back that's the entire reason I had done it to begin with. Although I'll admit that they were right about one thing, no pain. As I bled on that tile of the cold, hard bathroom floor I didn't feel any pain just the tiredness that comes with the territory but I could also hear our baby crying or should I say James baby? "She's going back to being stable we just need to get her some blood. She lost a lot and by the looks of it she was also pregnant but where's the fetus? Tammy?" I hear throughout the darkness I couldn't open my eyes they were so heavy, my body felt as if it weighed a ton there was a struggle to even move. "She's going to be fine you're very lucky you brought her in when you did if not she would have lost a lot of blood... Now we're going to keep her for a few days to evaluate her condition but I do have a question? Was she pregnant at the time this happened?" I hear a man speaking but I can't answer for myself I'm still really tired but mainly sad. "I... We... Yes. She was about five months almost six and we had a stillborn... That's what led to this actually. I went to take care of my son and I turned around and she locked herself in the bathroom and did this... I didn't know she would do it..." I hear Jimmy talking and possibly pacing across the floor but something about the way he continued to ask questions it made me afraid... Concerned. "Well can I ask where the baby is now?" Jimmy goes silent that's when I'm starting to come to, "Jim... Babe... What's happening? Where am I?" I ask shielding my eyes from the harsh hospital lighting that's where I was, I was in an uncomfortable bed with an IV in one arm and a tight bandage on the other. "Oh my God, Diana! Diana, you're alive, you're fucking alive! Oh my God I thought I had lost you! Don't do that again! Don't you ever do this to me again do you understand me?! I've never been so afraid in my life... I need you, Ana..." He suddenly starts to break down crying and holding onto me tightly; sniffing my hair that hadn't been washed in a couple of days, "I... I'm sorry." I whisper in his right ear and he's still shaking and crying only this time he pulls my face in for a long kiss. It was more than a kiss though this was a warning, "Don't ever leave me like that again. Diana, I love you. I love you so fucking much I can't lose you like this... I can't lose you again." He says kissing me again. I push him gently back and use my free hand to push aside some stray black hair, "I love you too, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you, Jimmy. I just I lost my shit because I lost our baby... James I'm scared." I glanced down tears coming on for how guilt ridden I am. "Baby, it's ok... You did nothing wrong these things just happen. We tried, we tried for so long, Ana. But look I know it's not from your body biologically but these babies they need you, I need you. They're our little miracles, Diana. Do you want to see them?" I chuckle wiping my eye, "Do you have to ask?" Jimmy smiles at me real and big. He goes over to behind him wher AJ is sleeping in his adorable green and white PJ outfit with his little booties and a green cap, "Hi there baby boy, I'm sorry baby. Mommy is so, so sorry she's gonna be here for you, she's always gonna be there for you. I love you so much." I tell him crying over his tiny beanie because I meant it, I meant every word to that tiny life force that was my son. Jimmy kisses my head as I'm holding onto AJ who's tiny little hands have reached out to my face, "Mommy loves you so much." I whisper. Jimmy then picks up Alaina who's wide awake and quiet as can be. She's not a difficult baby in the least she's usually very observant and quiet for a newborn who's premature, "Is she breathing on her own now? I noticed she didn't have the oxygen on her nose anymore." He looks down and shrugs, "Yeah I suppose she is isn't it? She's been breathing pretty well without the oxygen and she's actually been sleeping without the machine." He says waiting for the switch off of the twins, "How long was I you know..." "Dead?" He says sniffling, "You were unconscious for about three hours. I thought you had died but I think you're too damn tough for death. You fought it." As I'm holding Alaina she has tiny tears in her blue eyes and her light red hair shines in te dim light, "Mommy loves you so much, mommy will never leave you my little princess. Never ever again." I tell her she starts to softly cry, "Are you hungry little girl? Is that what you want?" I ask her as her face contorts into a frowning mess, "Daddy will you get me her bottle? Shes gonna be a big girl isn't she?" I cradle her as he grabs the bottle I put it in her mouth and automatic silence as she suckles down her meal. "I love you two so much." I say out loud Jimmy just smiles over at me.