Blainsville

7) Nothing but the Truth

Jessica

It had been a couple days John stayed home from work, he wouldn't tell me exactly what was goimg on but lets just say its far fetched. He was in the living room playing with Lindsey while I was on the phone with Diana. I hadnt seen her in awhile; almost a week every time I would mention to go out for lunch or come over for coffee she'd refuse. I couldnt help bit notice things around town as well were getting kind of strange. I went to the grocery store the other day and standing in the cereal aisle suddenly this guy just puked all over the place so they had to block it off and clean up. "So do you wanna go shopping? I heard they have a sale going on at Macy's." Diana hums and finally gives a reply, "I suppose so its been a little bit since I left the house with James being sick and all... Yea give me an hour and I'll meet you at your house. See you then." I hung up the phone after my goodbye and went to tell John, "I'm going to Macy's to go browse around. Lindsey, do you want to tag along?" I tried lately to spend more time with her; if it wasnt the guilt of living with what I did to Rhea I tried to fill that said void with my youngest daughter's love. Although it was never going to be the same again I needed to find the time at some point that dead things never come back, "Ok, mommy can I bring Mr. Stuffles with us?" She asks clinging to her teddy bear, "Thats fine, baby but youre responsible for him. I'm not gonna carry him around like last time." Lindsey nods she gives John a kiss on the cheek and strolls over to hold my hand.

Diana

I decided that the house was essentially on lockdown until we could figure out a way to tell people that it wasnt exactly me who was expecting. Jimmy had been soing somewhat alright since we found out; it became more or less a pattern everyday. Wake up and run to the bathroom to puke for thirty minutes sometimes longer, try to eat a couple pieces of toast or scrambled eggs, go back and throw up and then take a two and a half hour nap together out of boredom and stress. "Do you want to get out of here for a little while? Its been almost a week since we have done anything. I mean anything." It turned out I was talking to a wall when Jimmy wasnt behind me sitting on the couch so when I walk out to the bathroom and glance inside, " James? Where are you, love?" I ask going around the house trying to find him.

I find him in our master bedroom standing in front of the length wise mirror checking himself out I suppose. I sneak up behind him and grab at his hips, " Hi there, handsome. What are you doing?" I whisper in his ear. He barely grazes my hand and turns away from me. Thise mood swings lately are pretty unpredicatable I never know which hisband I'm going to get next. Sometimes he's laughing and so affectionate other times he's pissy and so upset I cant reason with him... I think this was one of those moods. "Ive given this some thought... Serious, serious thought. I decided that I dont wanna do this." I back away from him a few feet, "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
"I said that I don't wanna go through with this. Diana, I dont want to be more of a freak then I already am. I know we tried for so long for a baby but this isnt just one... This is twins; twins Ana. I'm not ready for that kind if commitment right now. Nor will I probably ever. I'm not prepared to sacrifice so much for something I didnt even want in the first place." I know he was mad about this but that was nothing compared to how upset I was. How fucking dare him! After all we've been through the last ten years to get this far, this is how he repays me. "Oh, I see. So you suddenly decide that those are your babies just yours and I have no say so in what happens right?! Like I'm not the fucking mother or even your wife. Decisions like this don't just affect you you know? I fucking had a part in creating them too you know?! Theyre not just your babies theyre mine! I'm not going to fucking let you do this to us!" Jimmy is now inches from my face, "Diana, I'm not fucking doing this! You know as well as I do we dont have the time or the funds for this! I never wanted kids to begin with we went over that last time. What about me, huh?! Youre not even comprehending what might happen to me. At all. How will they be born? Will I even survive their birth? What about my body, Ana?! All the changes I'll get fat! I'll be eating us out of house and home! All these years we have tried for a baby... You already counted me out of that project..." I cross my arms and I feel tears coming. "Project? Project?! So all this fucking was to you was some science experiment?! All that in vitro bullshit, the OBGYN, the fucking medication! So to you it was always just a task wasnt it? Like I was gonna drag you into it all along?! Youre so fucking selfish, James Martin Bloom! Youre the most selfish, arrogant bastard I'll ever be with! If you abort those babies I swear to God..."
"You'll what? What the hell are you gonna do, Diana?" Jimmy snarks with his hands on his hips I call that "the tone". "You kill our babies then I'll sue your ass for custody. I may not be having them but I'm not gonna stand by while you attempt to get rid of them! Its already not fucking fair that you get to enjoy the gift of life why should I allow you to be the one to end it?!" The tears are streaming down my face. I cant keep talking about this or else I'm gonna punch him right in the face; pregnant or not. Instead I storm out the door purse in hand and slam the car door. I put it in drive and quickly pull out of the driveway.
I'd never felt so many emotions at once and I wasnt the one carrying two babies... But now that I think about it that part made me angry and jealous. It wasnt fair! He didnt even want children yet he gets to experience the true bonding period. For so long I wanted a baby and this was the payment I get. I get to stand by and watch Jimmy grow and change with our babies... Babies he had no interedt or intention of taking care of.